Just like the title says, I’m looking for someone to Beta read my unpublished story! I’d like to have someone else’s opinion on what I wrote and the coding, but most importantly, the grammar. I’m not an English native so even if I double check; I feel like I’ve still make some mistakes. It would be ideal to have someone that speaks English fluently or with a very good level in Grammar. ^^
I’d really appreciate someone that would take the time to read at least the first 3 chapters to get a feedback.
If you’re interested, please, feel free to message me either here or on Instagram @chocola.writes !
Ok, so the first thing i noticed is that you don’t use many pauses after a character finishes their sentence. It looks rushed and unnatural. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it’s fine not to pause, it’s just gotta be used correctly. “pause for 0.7” is ideal for when you’re switching in-between characters, and @pause for 0.5 is ideal for when the character starts another sentence. But of course, it all depends on if it fits. You just gotta figure out what looks right.
Ok, another thing. Now, i used to make this mistake too. Don’t zoom in too much into the character’s face when they’re talking. The reader is gonna want to be a little more aware of the character’s surroundings. Like for example the car scene with the ginger guy. It also seems a lil weird that we’re all over his face, without really knowing him.
COMPLIMENTS
Ok, but let’s talk about the SPECIAL EFFECTS and ZOOMS. You did amazing with them, your coding looks really advanced.
The interactions the characters have with each other are entertaining. You’re good at keeping things interesting.
Pretty good first episode, it kept me intrigued. Great job!
SPELLING MISTAKES
OK I FOUND SOME SPELLING MISTAKES: (the scene where the mc meets her roommate)
“Every choices will matter”
change “choices” to choice.
“There will be choices that defines your personality.”
change “defines” to define.
"But you can also be define as ‘daring’ "
change “define” to defined.
“You can loose and earn love points, so choose wisely!”
change “loose” to lose.
OK I FOUND OTHER SPELLING MISTAKES: (the scene where seth and ezekiel are interacting)
“Can’t say i didn’t saw that coming”
change “saw” to see.
Alright, i’ll review the other two episodes tomorrow
Oh, and by the way, you’re all good with the grammar in this episode.
I will all of this! It’s true, sometimes I feel like the camera is a bit too close to the faces. I’m happy to know the grammar wasn’t that terrible
Thank you so much for the compliments! It really makes me happy
And thank you very much for taking the time to read this episode! (:
