INK Story feedback! 😘

Hello Everyone!
I’m making this post to get some feedback on my story I’m working on right now. I’ve only have the first episode done, but hopefully you guys could give me some GOOD and honest feedback in the comments. Thanks you lovelies. :wink:

Cover

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Summary of “The Last One”;

Harper Stark, as a young girl was a lab rat meant to develop immunity for toxic things. Four years later from then, toxic smoke appeared. Everyone was gone, or so she thought…

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I’ll read it.

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Thanks lovely :two_hearts:

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  • You were missing punctuation.
  • It was getting boring, I was pumped at the phone call, then I went to being bored again.
  • I was confused, yet I knew what the first episode was about, but more confused.
  • Loved the tappable overlays.
  • To make it more advanced the blood could have been dripping.
  • When she sat at the table her animations were late.
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Thank you for your feedback. How was it getting boring, could you explain that a little more?

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It was getting boring because there wasn’t anything really happening

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  1. Step 1: Study effective examples of plot development. …
  2. Step 2: Use a plotting process that will shape your story. …
  3. Step 3: Create a timeline of your novel’s plot events. …
  4. Step 4: Make characters develop in intriguing ways.
  5. Step 5: Create a complex, charismatic character. …
  6. Step 6: Put your character in motion right away, and disrupt her world. …
  7. Step 7: Think of a main story question/problem and a tight plot or storyline.
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You added pauses after every speech which didn’t allow the story to flow smoothly and didn’t really seem necessary. It also makes reading the story a little frustrating.
The storyline is not clear it just seems to move from one thing to another without any correlation. It would be nice to know who the dad is, what exactly is he doing and why and understand each character a little better.
Characters seem to pop up on screen. Maybe you could use the & command so that doesn’t happen.
Your directing is not bad which means that with improvements, it could get better. You just need a good storyline to match the directing. Having the tappable overlays is nice and all but it’s boring just tapping the overlays without having any understanding as to what is really going on.

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@AMagic and @OreoBiscuit thank you for your feedback. I’ll fix some things and I’ll let you know. :slight_smile:
So you could give me feedback after I try and fix it. If you want to that is. XD

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