Insecurities (Will he like me if I'm pretty?)

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I’m in high school and my best friend goes to a different school. It’s alright though because we still hang out after school, do our homework and let our friends meet each other. There’s this guy at her school who is one year older than us.

I’ve been just friends with him for awhile (2 years, since I was in 9th grade), we don’t hang out or talk in public, but we do know each other well and have spoken online. As a teenager, it’s considered to be “a big thing” when your crush and you have each other’s second accounts (spam accounts for posting the real you instead of your main account).

It’s not that I have like a huge crush on him, it was just that I felt comfortable talking to him because usually guys make me feel uncomfortable, especially where I live. He even called me pretty, but again as a friend way. You can call anyone pretty.

Him and I are very different yet we are the same. Mostly our interests are the same, our attitude is different. I like guys who are different than me, I’m pretty loud and he’s chill. i like skateboarding, he does too. I hate ice skating, he doesn’t. There were much more but I don’t want to go through our messages and accidentally like a message (LMAO). There is also much more I don’t know about him and he doesn’t know about me. I really want to get to know him more. We got a little close one time, which lead him to following my spam account first, but now we just talk once in awhile.

For a long time, I had trouble with my image. Two years ago, I struggled with stress eating, causing me to gain weight rapidly. I know i shouldn’t be comparing myself to other girls but I feel like he wouldn’t you know, like me because of how I look. His girl best friends are all slim and pretty, don’t get me wrong everyone has insecurities, these are just mine. Sometimes I’ll think the worst and start starving myself, but I always end up eating anyway because then I’ll feel bad for doing that to myself.

I feel like I’ll lose my chance if I don’t become, “pretty”. I feel like I wouldn’t be able to tell him how I feel before it’s too late.

What should I do?

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Well, it sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with him, so I applaud you for that! I could never :raised_hand:
I think if you really like him then you should ask him out.
But, what you shouldn’t do is try to change yourself. You are perfect the way you are and shouldn’t change for a boy. If you want to change for yourself, then that’s different, but you shouldn’t change yourself for him. It’s like they say ‘If you don’t like me at my worst, you won’t like me at my best,’ i probably got that wrong, but moving on You shouldn’t have to change yourself for him to like you. I think personality is the most important! If someone wants you only for your looks, then that isn’t a healthy relationship. If he doesn’t like your personality now, then he won’t like it later either, no matter how much you change yourself. So, I think you should shoot your shot, but don’t worry about your body. If he doesn’t like you like are you now, then he isn’t a good guy. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to date, if he says that then that is nothing against you, that’s just a preference.
So I say, ask him out, but be yourself and be happy with your body, because that’s your best you!

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Thank you so much! Still quite nervous and I don’t have the guts at all to go up to him but I’ll plan on it!

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Ofc! and keep my posted! I’m sure you’ll do great!

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Well to be honest you shouldn’t compare!!

Like lol everyone has insecurities lol but having an insecurity like this isn’t mu cup of tea lol but I’m saying, looks like you love him! If he’s a good person, he won’t reject you! But if he does, remember there are plenty fish in the sea to fry :wink:

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You won’t really know how he feels about you if you don’t talk to him. I understand it’s nerve-wrecking and awkward but if you don’t want to miss your chance, you gotta take that step and ask him about it.

I know this is easier said than done, but try to not compare yourself with other girls. We all come in different body shapes and sizes. Everyone will have different preferences in whom they are attracted to. But like I said, you won’t know what he likes if you don’t ask him. Just because all his girl friends are slim and “pretty” doesn’t describe his preferences. Also, what makes someone “pretty”? If you keep hiding behind your insecurity of not being “pretty” enough, you won’t be able to take the chance with a guy who actually wants to be with you.

Accept that you aren’t like his friends. Accept you won’t be pretty to everyone. Accept your insecurities. You need to accept yourself for who you are. Creating “what if” scenarios will only make matters worse for you. And I don’t want that.

I hope this helped and I hope you gain the confidence you deserve and ask him. Good luck! :heart:

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thank you! I also try to find other people who not only just fit my interests but someone completely different as well! (As of now I’m currently failing cjkajdkho)

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omg this really did help. Thank you so much for boosting my self esteem and making me realize this!

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Also wanted to mention he’s super respectful and is a great listener.

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Okie! remember you’re perfect the way you are and please don’t change for someone else!

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You’re welcome! You’re not the only one with insecurities, I have some too (I’m in my late 20s), everyone does. It all starts with self-acceptance. Once you’ve accepted yourself, you will gain confidence and attract those who accept you for you too

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update: currently debating if I should risk our friendship by telling him

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I’ll tell you what my friend’s present boyfriend did. He told me about his crush on her and asked me to inform her. My friend’s rxn was- you are joking, this ain’t possible. But she did accept his proposal not out of pity, but out of love. Like- she had a crush on him but neither me or him could figure that out. IDK if this is a good idea but may be you can try telling abt this to one of his close male friends.

And if he says no- then just respect that and tell him that you’d still like to be his friend and not lose his company. Tell him to behave with you just like he behaved earlier and treat you just like he treated you before.

I’d just say one thing- just discuss it with one of your close, trusted friends before doing anything. They’ll be able to give the best advice 'cause they’ve seen him behave with you and also know him personally.

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And for the insecurities part, try being beautiful rather than pretty. And you’ve heard that- “beauty lies in the eye of the beholder”- may be you find his friends “pretty” but may be he doesn’t … may be he prefers girls who can carry themselves well in whatever shape they are in. And one thing I’ve noticed with VERY few exceptions- if your personality is great, you’ll be “beautiful”. Maybe not meet the beauty standards, but you glow. And it’s not really abt him. It’s about you. Try getting out this mindset that beauty means something external. It’s completely personality based. Maybe change the perspective of seeing beauty- it’ll help.

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Thank you so much!

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You don’t need to change yourself.

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So, I reread what you wrote, and you said you don’t hang out or talk in public. Why is that? Do you guys just don’t have time to or can’t or don’t want to?

I really think before telling him how you feel, you should try hanging out with him in person. Sometimes talking online can be different than in person. You get to really experience who the person is in person. So, maybe, instead of just basing off of your online interaction, actually meet up with him. You’ll get better insight on how he feels about you which could make it easier to talk to him about anything more than friends.

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well because of covid, it’s kind’ve hard to go up to him and talk. Also because I feel embarrassed too. I know he wouldn’t mind though, he’s very friendly and bold.

And I think I should do what you said, hanging out with him first to get a better insight.

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Maybe you can FaceTime him?

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UPDATE!

I spoke to him in person and he actually came up to me. Not gonna lie, I kinda froze up but over our conversation I felt more comfortable. I really hope he and I can talk more like this :blush:

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