Is this Cliche? Or too much?


#1

I was wondering how my story sounds?
The Theme of it are flowers, the one named after the flowers are very important, basically the main characters
The main main ones are Tulip and Camellia, ex best friends from pre school to middle school, and future girlfriend
I guess you can say Camellia is a mix of the sterotypical evil popular girl and a bad boy? And Tulip is a nerd that’s adopted by a single man (but he died so she’s beeing looked after by his friend, Fred) and is bullied but Tries brushing it off (eventually has a break down)
At first they aren’t really going on that well, but once Tulip starts to talk a certain person, Camellia begins to be jealous and stuff goes down (a lot of death glares)
But they’ll finally cone to terms and few episode later they start going out and homophobic stuff will go down and people being jealous and trying to break it off
I might tweak a bit of it because that’s what i can think of so far
I know one of the main characters has ptsd from sexual abuse when she was young, and i won’t try to romancize it as well as that person being deaf (but can read lip)
Another will be a character revealing he’s trans


#2

You had me at girlfriends… and I don’t think it’s too cliche but it may be too much. I don’t know about all the plot with this guy Fred and the sexual abuse - if you can do it well, I think it would work but it sounds like a lot to handle. Also, this may just be me, but if it’s a romance you’re going for (?) I don’t like it to be too heavy. It obviously makes it more interesting and realistic to have problems like the homophobia and stuff but if it gets too depressing with too many issues, I don’t know if readers will not find it enjoyable to read etc.
Sorry if all that sounded harsh! It really does sound like an intriguing story, let me know what you go with! :yellow_heart:


#3

No it’s fine!! Tysm for the feed back
I was thinking just the first few episodes be kind of heavy as it’s trying to get to know the characters and such but not totally explode it yknw
Does that sound okay?


#4

I definitely think the first few chapters should set the tone for the rest of the story to some extent. So if you don’t want the whole of the story to be heavy, then don’t make the first three chapters like that. I’d say it’d be good to strike a balance - put some of the heavy stuff in there but make sure there are happy scenes or a happy character or something, too.

Also, I don’t really have experience of any of the sensitive issues you’re trying to deal with so I can’t try to give advice or speak for people who have but y’know they’re sensitive! So be careful with the way you portray them.

Hope that was helpful :tired_face: hope I didn’t like destroy any of your ideas… at the end of the day I’m just one opinion :woman_shrugging:


#5

This is a great idea, but this is way too much. I think if you want your character to be adopted than just leave it at that. It would make no sense if your character was adopted than she would be sent back to foster care, not put with her dad’s friend. The bullying part is super cliche though. If there’s going to be homophobia in the story then maybe one of the main characters shouldn’t be sexual abused and maybe scrutinized in the past about being queer. I like the idea of the trans character because they are literally zero trans characters in Episode


#6

Okay!!! Ill keep that adopted thing in mind,
And for the sexual abuse one is Tulip’s deaf best friend that experienced it and she show some symptoms of ptsd and just how much it impacted her personality and life style
I overall want something to do with mental illness because of how romanticized it is and how rape is taken so likely it makes me sick honestly
If the sexual abuse still doesnt seem to work out do you have any suggestions?


#7

I think if it’s about trying to make the point that sexual abuse shouldn’t be romanticised then it doesn’t necessarily have to be that one of your characters experiences it. Maybe one of your characters could feel passionate about it as you do and volunteer with a charity to help victims? Or something like that.


#8

Ooh okay!!
That helps a lot, i’ll full on go with that!
Maybe the best friend is studying to be a therapist or a social worker? And like im gonna try to find some subtle chances of advocating their passion on the subject


#9

I really like that idea!!


#10

Ty!! Do you have other suggestions/ideas that can help this story? Or anymore criticism?


#11

Not that I can think of atm :joy: but I’d love to hear more about the story as your ideas develop! Do you have an insta for your Episode account?


#12

Alright, tysm again! And i don’t, but was thinkibg of making one but i dont know what i would post exactly? Like would be sneak peaks??


#13

That’s pretty much what I post and yeah I wasn’t sure about making one but I made it (I think) the same day I published the first chapters of my story and it’s a really good way to just see what other Episode users are up to and to (try to) promote your story


#14

I see :thinking: what is your insta so i can check it out? And when/if i make one i’m gonna follow you!


#15

Aw thanks! :joy: I’ll follow you back! My insta is @cordeliam.episode Xx


#16

as @cordeliam said, it doesn’t sound cliche, necessarily, but it does sound like you’re putting a lot of major plot devices in it. like, say i’m describing tulip.

tulip is a nerd, adopted, dead dad, bullied, lesbian, possibly deaf, possibly sexually abused, and possibly has ptsd.

carmelia is popular, lesbian, mean outside but sweet inside, jealous, rebellious, possibly deaf, possibly sexually abused, and possibly had ptsd.

it sounds like a lot. maybe go through these things i listed and see what you really want and what you don’t.

other than that, it sounds lovely. i can’t wait for carmelia to kiss… tulips ;)))) get it? tulips? two lips?


#17

FXKRUBOTC YOU
But yeah it does seem a lot but i was planning to make the story really long so it unfold itself
But now with this thread, it might be much shorter then expected which i think is perfectly fine! I might end up needing some ppl to pm about story wise bc atm it’s kinda messed up as im now trying to change some stuff (im taking a break for today lol)


#18

i’m sure once it’s written you’ll only hear praise come from my tulips ;))


#19

Hot :heart_eyes::sweat_drops::kiss::purple_heart::yellow_heart:


#20

heheh fetus