My Review:
Rose: On May 30th, 2010, my friends Kimmy, Anna, and I decided to have a sleepover. <- this is much better to write. You wrote “Kimmy and Anna and I” but you don’t need “and” too many times when some things can be separated by a comma.
Oh ha ha May 30 is a day after my birthday, that’s so cool XD
Credit to episode-writersrs on IG <- perhaps there is a typo there as you wrote “rs” at the end twice.
While the characters are standing in their room playing truth or dare, it would make sense to have them in their PJs. In addition, you can hardly see Kimmy. She’s covered by Anna. I’d place her somewhere in the middle. Also, zoom on the characters when they’re speaking otherwise your scene remains static for too long.
Kimmy: Should we play Truth or Dare? <- It’s we, not be
“Have you ever had a boyfriend?” and “have you ever kissed anyone?” are such famous dares, I love how people get nervous when asked this XD
Kimmy: You guys are such babies! Give me a dare. <- you wrote “guys” twice (I removed the one after dare), it sounds too repetitive.
OMG I cannot believe Rose dared Kimmy to jump off a cliff. Out of over a billion dares to choose from, she just had to pick a life threatening one!
Kimmy determined to do the dare scared me. It also makes me aware that she have had some problems in her life that caused her to form this mindset. I like how her friends try to stop her but boy is Kimmy strong, knocking them both down and pushing them out of the way!
Actually when Rose came to stop Kimmie, she entered the screen from the bottom very awkwardly. Position her off-screen, change only the middle value of spot directing (% X Y) when you have her come in (she will do so smoothly and in a line.)
When Kimmy walks to the cliff, she does so awkwardly. She faces the other direction, smiles, she slides, her size changes abruptly.
The speechbubbles are really off. They’re near the floor and sometimes come out of the wrong person’s mouth.
Overlays glitch sometimes like the silver car overlay. People take time to appear. There’ll be like a second pause before they show up which looks super strange. For example, when they’re watching the news, Rose’s mom, the news anchor all have this glitch, as well as Rose. The other guy on the news shows up awkwardly from the bottom of the screen (again, this can be fixed by changing only the middle value in spot directing to have him walk in a smooth straight line).
The period comes after a word. No space between. So, it’s “Kimmy Holfsteeter.” no space between the letter r and the period (.)
When Kimmy first enters to watch the news, she goes through the TV. This is a layering issue.
I notice you use “it is” and “I am” sometimes. While correct, in spoken English, it’s and I’m are both more common.
Rose: Oh, it’s worse than you can ever imagine. <- it’s (it + is) instead of its
Anna breaking up friendship with Rose was sad and blaming her was very upsetting to see. Even though Rose was wrong to give a dare like that Kimmy should have known better not to take it seriously.
Anna: Why do we have to go to school? <- Much better to write as “Why do we to go to school?” is incorrect English.
The school scene was very awkward. Students came out of nowhere in a very glitch-like manner and the layering was off. When the two students are kissing, the character doing rear is behind the character facing forward, so it looks like he’s kissing the air. It then switches. Very strange.
Rose walking into the school and students calling her disgusting for going to school after her friend died…oh my!
All right, I see you ended the chapter there for now (a very nice, interesting way to end things).
Overall, despite the minor directing issues, I did enjoy this very much, the dialogue was very interesting as were the characters, every word kept me on the edge, great job!
P.S Please note, this review is not meant to offend but to help you improve. I’m not a professional reviewer although I try my best and put my heart and soul into my reviews. Anyways, have a lovely day! 
