Grammar review for @Addivi101 on their story Here Comes Trouble:
When the AUTHOR says “Their will only be 1 love intrest in this book, therfore you will only be customizing one guy besides your dad.”
Instead you would write: “There will only be one love interest in this book, therefore you will only be customizing one guy besides your dad.”
I would argue that writing the numbers out (one) as opposed to writing the number (1) is a bit better, but as a reader, I’m fine with both.
AUTHOR: “With out further ado, let’s customizing!”
Instead, you would write: “Without further ado, let’s get customizing!”
“No I want to change something” for customization should say “No, I want to change something.”
When I’m customizing the girl, her dad and Alex, when I click the no option, it glitches and they do some weird actions. I recommend fixing that using a label and a goto.
Where it says “so make him look tougher.)” There should be a space between the . and ) so that it is . )
Where it says “Please be advised that this story uses mature themes and strong language.” For uses, contains or has is more common. Actually, I encourage you to remove this since you already have the warning splash or move the speechbubble a little down so it doesn’t cover the message. Check out: 💠HOW TO: Spot direct Speech Bubble
ELLIE: “Immediately when I walked into this school everyones eyes were on me.”
Instead, you’d write: “Immediately when I walked into this school, everyone’s eyes were on me.”
Why would you write everyone’s eyes, you may be wondering? Why is the ’ so important.
A grammar lesson coming your way!
Well according to this website:
" Rule 1a. Use the apostrophe to show possession. To show possession with a singular noun, add an apostrophe plus the letter s .
Examples:
a woman’s hat
the boss’s wife
Mrs. Chang’s house
In this case, the eyes belong to everyone, so you’d add an apostrophe after everyone and then add an s to make it plural.
When Jennifer asks “Did you hear me??” There are two ?? Remove one of the question marks.
When Ellie says “That fake ass doll scares girls??” Remove one of the question marks.
It would sound a lot smoother if instead of discussed, you used talked for when ELLIE says “For the rest of class, Maddie and I just talked [the rest of the dialogue goes here.]”
When Ellie says “Apperantly no teacher at this school actually cares, except the coach, so I got away with a lot of things.”
Instead it would be: “Apparently, no teacher at this school actually cares, except the coach, so I got away with a lot of things.”
When Celeste, in the cafe, says “Yeah I know, your kinda the talk of the school.”
Instead, you’d write: “Yeah, I know, you’re kinda the talk of the school.”
Your vs You’re is different.
Here’s a great example:
Can read more here: Shannii's Grammar Thread
When Ellie says “We only have 30 mins of lunch left.”
I would argue instead of mins you’d write minutes so it sounds more natural when Ellie is talking.
When Ellie says “worst then middle school.”
Instead, it would be “worse than middle school.”
Then vs than is also very confusing.
I’d recommend checking out this website:
When Madison says “I saw you talking to Alex. What is was that about?” Remove is.
When Ellie thinks “the directions seem wierd. Whatever.”
Replace wierd with weird.
All right, that’s what I caught so far, I’ll probably read it again after you re-edit it to see if I missed any errors 