Okay thank you I will change them ASAP.
No problem, good luck
Can u do u for other episodes if you donât mind? I have corrected my mistakes in first chapter. I would love to improve more.
Jem, this is so amazing of you!
Such a sweetheart. Youâre a great asset to the community.
Sure, Iâm down for more episodes
I usually just prefer one though since thereâs not enough hours in the day, they just pass by so fast so getting everything done becomes difficult : / But am happy to know my efforts are appreciated
Also because the ads freeze so much so the next episodes takes forever to load which is a pain
Okay you do them only when u r free. I donât mean too rush. Pls take your time.
Hello! I have been working on a new book called âHere Comes Troubleâ but itâs not released yet so I have a link to send you! I have made it through the whole first episode and just a smidget of the second episode. (Is smidget even a word? ) anyways thanks so much! I really appreciate this thread as callâs is always packed and you do really well!
Of course, Iâll check it out, and thank you
Np! Tysm babe <3
Grammar review for @Addivi101 on their story Here Comes Trouble:
When the AUTHOR says âTheir will only be 1 love intrest in this book, therfore you will only be customizing one guy besides your dad.â
Instead you would write: âThere will only be one love interest in this book, therefore you will only be customizing one guy besides your dad.â
I would argue that writing the numbers out (one) as opposed to writing the number (1) is a bit better, but as a reader, Iâm fine with both.
AUTHOR: âWith out further ado, letâs customizing!â
Instead, you would write: âWithout further ado, letâs get customizing!â
âNo I want to change somethingâ for customization should say âNo, I want to change something.â
When Iâm customizing the girl, her dad and Alex, when I click the no option, it glitches and they do some weird actions. I recommend fixing that using a label and a goto.
Where it says âso make him look tougher.)â There should be a space between the . and ) so that it is . )
Where it says âPlease be advised that this story uses mature themes and strong language.â For uses, contains or has is more common. Actually, I encourage you to remove this since you already have the warning splash or move the speechbubble a little down so it doesnât cover the message. Check out: đ HOW TO: Spot direct Speech Bubble
ELLIE: âImmediately when I walked into this school everyones eyes were on me.â
Instead, youâd write: âImmediately when I walked into this school, everyoneâs eyes were on me.â
Why would you write everyoneâs eyes, you may be wondering? Why is the â so important.
A grammar lesson coming your way!
Well according to this website:
" Rule 1a. Use the apostrophe to show possession. To show possession with a singular noun, add an apostrophe plus the letter s .
Examples:
a womanâs hat
the bossâs wife
Mrs. Changâs house
In this case, the eyes belong to everyone, so youâd add an apostrophe after everyone and then add an s to make it plural.
When Jennifer asks âDid you hear me??â There are two ?? Remove one of the question marks.
When Ellie says âThat fake ass doll scares girls??â Remove one of the question marks.
It would sound a lot smoother if instead of discussed, you used talked for when ELLIE says âFor the rest of class, Maddie and I just talked [the rest of the dialogue goes here.]â
When Ellie says âApperantly no teacher at this school actually cares, except the coach, so I got away with a lot of things.â
Instead it would be: âApparently, no teacher at this school actually cares, except the coach, so I got away with a lot of things.â
When Celeste, in the cafe, says âYeah I know, your kinda the talk of the school.â
Instead, youâd write: âYeah, I know, youâre kinda the talk of the school.â
Your vs Youâre is different.
Hereâs a great example:
Can read more here: Shannii's Grammar Thread
When Ellie says âWe only have 30 mins of lunch left.â
I would argue instead of mins youâd write minutes so it sounds more natural when Ellie is talking.
When Ellie says âworst then middle school.â
Instead, it would be âworse than middle school.â
Then vs than is also very confusing.
Iâd recommend checking out this website:
When Madison says âI saw you talking to Alex. What is was that about?â Remove is.
When Ellie thinks âthe directions seem wierd. Whatever.â
Replace wierd with weird.
All right, thatâs what I caught so far, Iâll probably read it again after you re-edit it to see if I missed any errors
Thank you so so much!
No problem
@DanDuck I will be reviewing more of your amazing story and letting you know my thoughts, I wish you good luck in the writing community
Grammar Review for @DanDuck on the second episode of their story i-robin:
Allicah: âI shall announce that your audition is a green light.â = remove the â in front of a green light. Hmm, this sentence sort of sounds awkward to me. Perhaps, re-work it.
The admission letter looks really cool ^^
âfifty piecesâ as opposed to â50 piecesâ would probably be better to write.
âand aim at his forehead before throwing.â aim instead of aiming.
Either âThe kernel doesnât hit Oliver, but instead it lands on the head of the girl sitting behind him.â OR âThe kernel didnât hit Oliver, but instead it landed on the head of the girl sitting behind him.â
Lol, that purple haired girl is so savage, I am so ashamed to say but yes I did laugh when Robin was called a monkey who came from the primitive age XD
Purple haired girl: âCiao, losers!â <- a comma goes here.
âwhile you stare blankly at the door.â It should be stare, not staring.
âOn the morning, during your first day of school.â Add your or the before first day of school.
âthe set of uniformâ sounds awkward. Uniform or uniform set would be better to use.
âI mean every word I spill.â Mean instead of meant. Unless you meant âI meant every word I spilled.â
Overall, it was really hard to find grammar mistakes since your English writing skills are very epic <3
Yep, I wrote âI shall give your audition a green lightâ instead!
Hey, thanks haha. Trying to make it look like an actual email, containing actual email content.
Clearly, someone chose to fight back. :)) But there was one way where the purple haired girl got ashamed instead muahaha.
Aww, thank you, Jem.
Yes, I like to pick every badass or evil action in stories, itâs way more fun
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