JemU776's Grammar Workshop 🍇

Okay thank you I will change them ASAP.

No problem, good luck :+1:

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Can u do u for other episodes if you don’t mind? I have corrected my mistakes in first chapter. I would love to improve more.

Jem, this is so amazing of you! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
Such a sweetheart. You’re a great asset to the community. :sparkling_heart:

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Sure, I’m down for more episodes :+1:
I usually just prefer one though since there’s not enough hours in the day, they just pass by so fast so getting everything done becomes difficult : / But am happy to know my efforts are appreciated :wink:
Also because the ads freeze so much so the next episodes takes forever to load which is a pain :joy:

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Okay you do them only when u r free. I don’t mean too rush. Pls take your time.

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Hello! I have been working on a new book called “Here Comes Trouble” but it’s not released yet so I have a link to send you! I have made it through the whole first episode and just a smidget of the second episode. (Is smidget even a word? :joy:) anyways thanks so much! I really appreciate this thread as call’s is always packed and you do really well!

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5094498708815872

Of course, I’ll check it out, and thank you :wink: :heart:

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Np! Tysm babe <3

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Grammar review for @Addivi101 on their story Here Comes Trouble:

When the AUTHOR says “Their will only be 1 love intrest in this book, therfore you will only be customizing one guy besides your dad.”

Instead you would write: “There will only be one love interest in this book, therefore you will only be customizing one guy besides your dad.”

I would argue that writing the numbers out (one) as opposed to writing the number (1) is a bit better, but as a reader, I’m fine with both.

AUTHOR: “With out further ado, let’s customizing!”

Instead, you would write: “Without further ado, let’s get customizing!”

“No I want to change something” for customization should say “No, I want to change something.”

When I’m customizing the girl, her dad and Alex, when I click the no option, it glitches and they do some weird actions. I recommend fixing that using a label and a goto.

Where it says “so make him look tougher.)” There should be a space between the . and ) so that it is . )

Where it says “Please be advised that this story uses mature themes and strong language.” For uses, contains or has is more common. Actually, I encourage you to remove this since you already have the warning splash or move the speechbubble a little down so it doesn’t cover the message. Check out: 💭 HOW TO: Spot direct Speech Bubble

ELLIE: “Immediately when I walked into this school everyones eyes were on me.”

Instead, you’d write: “Immediately when I walked into this school, everyone’s eyes were on me.”

Why would you write everyone’s eyes, you may be wondering? Why is the ’ so important.

A grammar lesson coming your way!

Well according to this website:

" Rule 1a. Use the apostrophe to show possession. To show possession with a singular noun, add an apostrophe plus the letter s .

Examples:
a woman’s hat
the boss’s wife
Mrs. Chang’s house

In this case, the eyes belong to everyone, so you’d add an apostrophe after everyone and then add an s to make it plural.

When Jennifer asks “Did you hear me??” There are two ?? Remove one of the question marks.

When Ellie says “That fake ass doll scares girls??” Remove one of the question marks.

It would sound a lot smoother if instead of discussed, you used talked for when ELLIE says “For the rest of class, Maddie and I just talked [the rest of the dialogue goes here.]”

When Ellie says “Apperantly no teacher at this school actually cares, except the coach, so I got away with a lot of things.”

Instead it would be: “Apparently, no teacher at this school actually cares, except the coach, so I got away with a lot of things.”

When Celeste, in the cafe, says “Yeah I know, your kinda the talk of the school.”

Instead, you’d write: “Yeah, I know, you’re kinda the talk of the school.”

Your vs You’re is different.

Here’s a great example:

Can read more here: Shannii's Grammar Thread

When Ellie says “We only have 30 mins of lunch left.”

I would argue instead of mins you’d write minutes so it sounds more natural when Ellie is talking.

When Ellie says “worst then middle school.”

Instead, it would be “worse than middle school.”

Then vs than is also very confusing.

I’d recommend checking out this website:

When Madison says “I saw you talking to Alex. What is was that about?” Remove is.

When Ellie thinks “the directions seem wierd. Whatever.”

Replace wierd with weird.

All right, that’s what I caught so far, I’ll probably read it again after you re-edit it to see if I missed any errors :+1:

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Thank you so so much!

No problem :black_heart:

@DanDuck I will be reviewing more of your amazing story and letting you know my thoughts, I wish you good luck in the writing community :+1:

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Grammar Review for @DanDuck on the second episode of their story i-robin:

Allicah: “I shall announce that your audition is a green light.” = remove the – in front of a green light. Hmm, this sentence sort of sounds awkward to me. Perhaps, re-work it.

The admission letter looks really cool ^^

“fifty pieces” as opposed to “50 pieces” would probably be better to write.

“and aim at his forehead before throwing.” aim instead of aiming.

Either “The kernel doesn’t hit Oliver, but instead it lands on the head of the girl sitting behind him.” OR “The kernel didn’t hit Oliver, but instead it landed on the head of the girl sitting behind him.”

Lol, that purple haired girl is so savage, I am so ashamed to say but yes I did laugh when Robin was called a monkey who came from the primitive age XD

Purple haired girl: “Ciao, losers!” <- a comma goes here.

“while you stare blankly at the door.” It should be stare, not staring.

“On the morning, during your first day of school.” Add your or the before first day of school.

“the set of uniform” sounds awkward. Uniform or uniform set would be better to use.

“I mean every word I spill.” Mean instead of meant. Unless you meant “I meant every word I spilled.”

Overall, it was really hard to find grammar mistakes since your English writing skills are very epic <3

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Yep, I wrote “I shall give your audition a green light” instead!

Hey, thanks haha. Trying to make it look like an actual email, containing actual email content.

Clearly, someone chose to fight back. :)) But there was one way where the purple haired girl got ashamed instead muahaha.

Aww, thank you, Jem. :two_hearts:

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Yes, I like to pick every badass or evil action in stories, it’s way more fun :smiling_imp:

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