šŸ¦„ JemU776's Magical Reviews (Temp Closed) šŸ­

Aww thanks girl, Iā€™m glad you think that :joy: :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Thank you so much for your review! Itā€™s very helpful! I will definitely make sure to improve my story in areas you mentioned :blush:

No problem :blob_sun: :nerd_face:

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Keep on going sis! Make sure to take a break! :100::raised_hands::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Thanks for the support sis, I shouldnā€™t have done so many at once, I burned myself out so the next review may take a while, sorry :sweat_smile: And when Iā€™m exhausted I can be pretty cranky :joy: :kissing_heart:

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Story Name: The Witch Prophecy

Author Name on the App: gigistorm

Genre: Fantasy

Story Description: You just found out you are a witch, how will you handle it? Not only that, but you need to now prepare yourself for the most important job in the witch world: being the Oracle!

Style: Limelight

CC (character customization): Yes

Forums Username: @gigistorm

Instagram Username: N/A

My Review:

Not a professional reviewer, all reviews are purely based on my opinion- please do not request for one if you feel like you will be offended and I encourage you to request because you need the feedback. :heart:

ā€œPlease keep in my mind that this is my first episode everā€ & ā€œthe next chapter is betterā€ should be removed. You lose readers by having these types of messages in your story.

When youā€™re letting us customize the MC, you should include a goto in each of the first two options for the choice on whether weā€™d like to customize YOU (the MC) or not (the two options = Customize character & Use Profile avatar) and that goto should go under the line of code that either leads them to being customized by sending them to the character avatar or importing the readerā€™s avatar. Also, the goto should lead to a label that it shares the same name with at the beginning of the choice (not before the word choice but before at least a line of dialogue that is before the choice). You can read about labels and gotos here: šŸ–¤ HOW TO: Labels and Gotos šŸ–¤. To continue, you spelled ā€œcustomizeā€ wrong; you wrote costumize.

And when you give the option ā€œI look good already!ā€ you should ask yes or no.

So, example:

label customize

NARR
Would you like to customize your character?

choice
ā€œCustomize Characterā€{

@YOU goes to character avatar

goto customize

}ā€œUse Profile Avatarā€{

@YOU becomes female profile or YOU

goto customize

}ā€œReadyā€{

}

NARR
Are you sure youā€™re ready?

choice
ā€œYesā€{

}ā€œNoā€{

goto customize

}

#continue story

When weā€™re naming YOU (I named her Diana) it would be better for me as a reader to see DIANA as opposed to YOU. Change YOUā€™s display name to whatever name you assigned to the naming input code.

Ex.
If you used:

NARR
Whatā€™s your name?

input What is your name? | What is your name? | Done (NAME)

YOU
I love the name [NAME].

Then NAME should be the display name. Whatever you wrote in the ( ) should be the display name and used throughout your story written in [ ]. You can read more on script and display names here: UNDERSTANDING: Script + Display Names

Instead of having us customize mom, you should write in your script:

@MOM becomes YOU

She will then become a look alike of YOU. From there, you can change some of her features to make her look older.

Check out: HOW TO: Customize Characters

When mom is talking with Diana, zoom in on them.

Throughout your story, youā€™d have speechbubbles coming out of a character where you have them saying stuff but they didnā€™t do any animations. It looked so awkward. This happened so many times that I lost count.

You used ! a little too much. In some sentences, it should be a period. Speaking of periods, you were missing a few at the end of sentences.

When youā€™re zooming on Rain, the zoom is off. The zooms for both the MC and Rain are way off as they talk to each other. You can check out my zooming tutorial on my IG warrior.gem (a directing tips account).

Instead of writing:

YOU
ā€¦

before a choice, you should set the speechbubbleā€™s scale to 0% and then reset it in each option of that choice. More information here: HOW TO: Have Choices Without Dialogue šŸ—Æ šŸ’«

Rain Thunderstorm is a cool name.

When Rain walks to the history teacher Mr. Smith, she does so awkwardly. Your rear use was fine but maybe position her a little different?

When Mr. Smith is talking, you have a looping animation running where Mr Smith continues to speak even when heā€™s not supposed to and no dialogue is coming out of his mouth. To fix this, simply have Mr. Smith start a new animation.

Actually, for characters, you should make them do a wide variety of non-speaking animations while theyā€™re in the scene.

When Rain is talking to Mr. Smith, sheā€™s not even facing him so that was extremely awkward.

The history about it was pretty cool though I would have loved to see flashbacks of it, instead of being told all about it. Showing, not just telling, is more important.

When Rain, Eletrika and Alchemilla enter into the front of the school yard, they enter from the bottom and really fast, it looks really strange. Plus, they look like giants.

Actually, all of the characters look like giants.

Also, you should zoom more in on them.

And, in regards to entering a scene, you should use spot direction.
More info here:

Quick run down of spot direction:

So, just to repeat:

Eletrika: Rain thinks she found a new one. ā† thinks, NOT think

Eletrikaā€™s name was hard for me to say at first because of how itā€™s written but I got the hang of it.

When youā€™re zooming on the characters, the zoom are way too awkward, it only shows like half of their face and body.

YOU comes into the scene awkwardly, too.

YOU: Me? In your dream? ā† the d in dream shouldnā€™t be capitalized.

SQUALL: Yā€™all cool? ā† Yā€™all (you + all), NOT yall

The girl behind the MC, Diana, has her hand up from an earlier animation she did, so it can be distracting. Have her do another animation.

When Squall is talking, the camera doesnā€™t even focus on him. Itā€™s on someone else.

RAIN: You cannot do your little tricksā€¦ ā† The y in you should be capitalized since itā€™s beginning after a period.

Sheā€™s the one? Hmm, very interesting.

YOU: Date? But itā€™s not a date. ā† it would be itā€™s (itā€™s) not its

The few choices Iā€™ve seen were nice and Iā€™ve noticed you used basic positions a lot. Spice it up by adding spot direction. Also hereā€™s a cool article to check out in regards to using script symbols:

ā€œWill Diana find out sheā€™s a witch?ā€ Well, of course she will, no need to ask this question :sweat_smile:

OK, overall, I hate to be discouraging but your whole episode needs a revamp. The directing could be distracting, it was hard to follow sometimes and had way too many errors. I recommend for you to lock your story in the meantime as you fix. Do not shout out your story as it is not good, directing wise. People may give you false compliments if you do a read for read and you will not gain genuine readers as so much of this story needs fixing. Once youā€™ve revamped your story, feel free to promote it. And again, I apologize deeply if I sound rude but I need to be honest and tell you this; I want your story to do great but so far, it has way too many errors and Iā€™m sure people wouldnā€™t go to the second episode. BUT I know that you can do it, you can make it better and just know that your story has a lot of potential. Good luck! I hope all of this helps you :blob_sun: :blob_turtle:

P.S Please note, this review is not meant to offend but to help you improve. Iā€™m not a professional reviewer although I try my best and put my heart and soul into my reviews. Anyways, have a lovely day! :yellow_heart:

Much love, JemU776 :icecream: :blob_hearts:

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I have these reviews left to do. After that Iā€™m going to close up this thread for a pretty long time. This is because My Giversā€™ Club is going to soon be opening our reviews again and Iā€™m going to be be a story reviewer on epyxmagic so thatā€™s going to take up time. Iā€™ll open this back up again at some point but in the meantime, itā€™ll be left untouched for a long time as if I stick with it, the amount of reviews I need to do will pile on and then itā€™ll take a toll on my mental health. Same goes for my IG review account, itā€™ll be on hold. The thing is I put a lot of work into this to make sure itā€™s very detailed which is why it can be exhausting for me but at the end of the day, Iā€™m happy knowing I helped someone and that makes me wake up with a smile on my face everyday (plus messy hair :joy: ) Iā€™m also part of a Feedback Book Club with a reading partner on another platform which I wonā€™t say but yeah, I have a lot that Iā€™m participating in (while I enjoy it, I canā€™t overwork myself). Thank you so much guys for understanding and thank you for all those who showed me support through this, I love you guys so much, Iā€™m going to try to spend as much time as I can with you this year as when next year comes, I will barely be able to come on except sometimes (Iā€™ll mainly stick to the directing tips category but sometimes Iā€™ll browse other categories). Seriously, thank you for all those who went on this journey with me, itā€™s been a pleasure to get to know you :blob_sun:

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Story Name: Youā€™re My Sunshine

Author Name: Faith Rose

Forums Username: @Faith.episode.cats

My Review:

*Disclaimer = this review is not meant to offend or harm, just to help you improve, itā€™s my honest opinion :black_heart:

First of all, the description is missing commas while some words shouldnā€™t start with a capital.

It should say:
"Having a learning disability is hard for Samantha until she meets Nick, her sunshine."

AUTHOR: You can customize the MC and love interest only. <- customize, not customization

When weā€™re customizing the MC and love interest, they pop out of nowhere. Have them walk into the scene.

In the flasback, people will sometimes randomly pop up so it looks like they teleported and it doesnā€™t flow smoothly.

NICK: Why I do keep going back to the hospital? <- the ā€œiā€ should be capitalized and remove ā€œagainā€ at the end of this sentence as you already mentioned he goes to the hospital again (it just ends up being repetitive).

When Nick exits, he gets larger

The doctor randomly pops out of nowhere as he is about to speak with the parents.

DOCTOR: Sir, calm down. Weā€™re going to try everything we can. <- much better to write.

When you pan to the other zone, Nick randomly pops up.

The readerMessage should say ā€œNick was ten years old when he had cancer.ā€ <- the ā€œwā€ in when shouldnā€™t be capitalized.

The parents randomly pop up in zone 2 where Nick is crying.

The car overlay scene is sort of glitchy in the beginning.

School = hell

Haha, Samantha, girl you can relate to so many of us XD

When the mom says ā€œDonā€™t let anyone bring you down Samā€ you have a comma at the end of this. It should be a period.

ā€œHi, Iā€™m Samantha.ā€ <- much better to write

Sam has good taste in music, I LOVE FOB! :partying_face:

In front of the Morettiā€™s house, they pop up.

"and mysterious" OR ā€œand a mysteryā€ but not ā€œand mysteryā€

MATTEO MORETTI: You need to get out of the house more. Youā€™ve been trapped in your room for days.

I noticed you messed up a lot when it came to youā€™re vs your

MICHELLE: ā€¦your past. <- so, itā€™s your, not youā€™re

Sometimes you had a period when it should be a question mark.

MATTEO MORETTI: ā€¦your grandparents. <- your, not youā€™re

Sometimes you were missing periods. When Nick talks about his parents not being able to do anything and says that heā€™s not going to school ever again, there should be a period to split those sentences.

The girls popped up in front of the school randomly.

You described Tianna Petrov and Skylar Smith. You told the reader that Skyler is a funny, witty girl who makes jokes and loves parties while Tianna Petrov loves animals and enjoys nature. Instead of telling the reader this, show it instead.

"Tiana Petrov is Russian" or ā€œTiana Petrov is from Russiaā€ is fine to write.

TIANNA: Well, we have only one more year left. <- year, not years

SKYLAR: I canā€™t wait until itā€™s officially over. <- it would be itā€™s (it + is), not its

I would recommend for you to go over itā€™s vs its

TIANNA: ā€¦fraud, heā€™s one of theā€¦ <- the ā€œhā€ in he shouldnā€™t be capitalized as it begins after a comma, not a period.

Nick and Milio popped up randomly. Also, they are way too big! They tower over the cars.

MILIO: ā€¦youā€™re in this schoolā€¦ <-- ā€œyouā€™reā€ not your

When Camille and Ella are talking there are some errors in their sentences.

CAMILLE: I think I know a wayā€¦ <- add ā€œaā€ after the word know

When Ella is asking Camille why sheā€™s willing to help him out again, there should be a question mark at the end of her sentence as she is asking a question.

ELLA: Look, itā€™s Sam and her loser friends. <- itā€™s (it + is), not its and it would be ā€œloserā€ not losers.

itā€™s vs its, youā€™re vs your and characters popping up were a very common issue.

In the school, Samantha runs in one spot which looks awkward.

Nick comes randomly out of nowhere, they fall (it looked glitchy) and they stay on the floor for quite a while.

I told Nick off LOL

The other option for the choice of how to handle the situation should say ā€œApologize to himā€ NOT apologizes

I cannot believe Nick called me a bimboā€¦oh itā€™s war you angry ball of rudeness!

Nick gets shorter as he walks off screen. Samanthaā€™s size also changes as she goes offscreen.

Donā€™t tell the reader Ryan Johnson is really obsessed with pizza. Show it instead (actually, you did a really good job of showing Ryanā€™s pizza addiction, props to you for that).

Donā€™t tell me what the others are like, show me.

ā€œAlex loves art is a tomboyā€ is not right. This means her whole name is Alex loves art. Instead ā€œAlex loves art and she is a tomboyā€ although like Iā€™ve stated previously, itā€™s better to show than tell.

The three students tower over the lockers, so it looks very strange.

RYAN: ā€¦new pizza place thatā€™s down the street! <- thatā€™s (that + is), NOT thats

RYAN: First, we have to eat pizza togetherā€¦ <- the ā€œwā€ in we shouldnā€™t be capitalized.

NICK: Iā€™m not interested in making friends. <- interested, not interest

Nick and Ryan eating pizza together and talking Italian was funny LOL, I enjoyed the scene a lot.

The teacher pops out of nowhere.

In the classroom, the students pop out of nowhere.

ā€œPlease give the overlays some time to pop up.ā€ <- this readerMessage should be removed.

So, um, the characters are not behind desks at all. In fact, it looks like theyā€™re sitting on air.

SKYLAR: ā€¦have no fear, Sky is hereā€¦ <- the s in sky should be capitalized as itā€™s her name.

SAMANTHA: I think thereā€™s a better way to handle thisā€¦ <- thereā€™s (there + is) instead of theirs. Also, three dots instead of two.

ā€œWithout violenceā€ not ā€œwithout violencesā€

SKYLAR: We kidnap her and put her in the backseat! <- kidnap, not kidnapped

Woah, haha, their humor is dark and boy did things take an extreme turnā€¦

The blue haired guy on the phone in the bottom right corner repeatedly walks in one spot. It looks very strange.

LEON WOODS: Yo, itā€™s Daddy Woodsā€¦ <- it would be itā€™s (it + is), not its

SKYLAR: Oh why, yes you canā€¦ <- much smoother to write.

SAMANTHA: Ignore my friend, we were wonderingā€¦ <- we were, not We was

Make them all shocked at once, not one by one.

NARR: Oh no, what will happen to Samantha? <- happen, not happened

OK, overall, your story has a lot grammatical and directing errors but it had its funny moments like the pizza scene and its emotional moments where Nick had cancer. Fix those errors and you should be good to go! Great job and I hope this helps XD

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Oh, some other things!

When you transitioned into a background, it showed the BG, flashed and then showed the BG again. This is a transition error. Iā€™m guessing you used ā€œfade outā€ instead of "fade in"

Can read more here:

When youā€™re placing characters, use &
Also before a pan is taking place, have the character in the zone beforehead.

Can read more:

Grammar guides:

https://www.grammarly.com/blog/its-vs-its/

https://www.grammarly.com/blog/there-their-theyre/
https://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/commas.asp
https://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/apostro.asp

*youā€™re vs your guides can also be found online as well as many other helpful guides on spelling and grammar.

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Hi, just letting you know your review is next :wave: :blob_hearts:

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Okay! Thank you so much! Take your time :slight_smile:

:fist::raised_hands::100:

Okay Thank you so much for reviewing my story ill definitely correct the errors.:sparkling_heart:

No problem :nerd_face: :blob_hearts:

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Sorry guys reviews might take some time, Iā€™m just really depressed at the moment :frowning_face:

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Edit: Iā€™m feeling a bit better :kiwi: Talking to my mom helped :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: OK SO it still might take me some time but rest assured, Iā€™ll have those reviews out :+1: :disco:

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Can you review my story? Thereā€™s only one Episode right now, and Itā€™s my first Limelight story!

Tittle: Whoā€™s Who? (Cover Coming Soon!)
Author: Tay11
Link:
https://episodeinteractive.com/s/5915374336671744

Iā€™m temporarily closed :slightly_smiling_face:

When requests are closed, Iā€™d appreciate it SO much if ppl donā€™t request

More detail here:

Aww man! Can you do it when itā€™s not closed?

Iā€™m not sure, rn i have to take care of my well being :slightly_frowning_face:

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