Just published my first murder-mystery story; looking for reviews :) (will also do reviews)


#1

Title: Thrill of the Hunt
Genre: Murder-mystery, though it has plenty thriller and comedic elements.
Description: To find a serial killer hunting innocent women, you’re paired with someone unexpected! Will you navigate lust, betrayal and tragedy in this murder-mystery? CC! [MATURE]

It has plenty CC, and is in INK style.

I’ll review your stories too in return! I always read the first 3 chapters :slight_smile:


#2

I’ll review it in a couple days!


#3

Woops, forgot to include the art someone made for me. Art is by elebuudraws on tumblr.


#4

Cool!


#5

That’s fine! I’ll do RfR too in my spare time, cuz unlimited passes lol


#6

Lol so I just started reading your story, and I feel this is too funny/coincidental not to point out: Ruben looks just like a LI (his name is Connor) in my story, only the skin, hair, and eye colors are different. Everything else + the outfit is the same!!! How crazy is that? :joy: Great minds think alike!


#7

Now I gotta read your story :joy::wink: What’s it called?

Ruben was actually easier to write than the MC. I feel like he’d be me but as a male tbh. Sense of humor and the sassy attitude is not much different than mine, and he’s relatable to me.

Not to say the MC isn’t fun either but :joy::joy:


#8

I love the police crew in TotH, like Hunter, for instance. I usually use my friends as my inspiration for looks, personality and speech lol.

Actually I just saw your cover and reading now. Dying atm tbh I never saw a single male character who DOESN’T use the Button nose, classic lips and classic/sarcastic eyes :roll_eyes: I like having diversity in my story as much as possible.

Followed you on Episode if ya dont mind. Can’t argue with brilliant mutual minds :sunglasses:


#9

Ruben is HOT af, and not just because of the similarities :joy: You’ve done a great job with his character/personality! When he left all those marks on me, I was blushing hardcore lmao (Why am I admitting this? Sorry…)

FACTS! It’s all I ever see! Nice to know that some of us have a more refined taste in Episode men… :wink: :rofl: And I’m totally with you on the diversity.
I just finished episode 1 and I must say… I think it’s one of the best stories I’ve read this year. The plot is amazing, parts of it were HILARIOUS, the characters are their own people with different personalities, the directing is flawless… I especially loved the resources you supplied at the end of the episode. Overall, if I didn’t feel like I was going to die from sleep deprivation, I’d read on. But alas, I feel like a toenail. I’ll have to continue tomorrow :pensive: But fr, your story needs to blow up. Like now.

Also, I followed you back! Hope you enjoy my story :sweat_smile:


#10

I can do a read for read with you and share some thoughts. You can PM me if you’re interested


#11

That’s kind of what I was aiming for :wink: I know how it’s like being a hoe, so writing Ruben wasn’t exactly difficult lmfaooo.

I’m actually baffled by the comments on directing. Like what? If anything the worst part is the directing :confused: and I was reading your story and your directing was like 5x better than mine.

TotH’s directing does improve, thankfully plot wise I have no issue with hooking in people. I’m so honored by your comments tho. I am the one flustered here :kissing_closed_eyes::kissing_closed_eyes::kissing_closed_eyes::kissing_closed_eyes:

I have an IG too, azaria.episode

I have some screencaps and have took some screencaps of episodes uptil chapter 10. It’s taken me months to finish and publish. Even with just a few reads I’m so happy reading this like akfklwdkkdkw


#12

Oh jeez, I’ve been exposed lmao :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: I love writing (some) male characters for that exact reason. They bring out the inner :smiling_imp: in me lmfao

DUDE, the directing is great. Don’t be undermining yourself! :hugs: When I first started writing on episode (a little over a year ago)… omg. I was awful. But just like you, I spent months fine tuning and practicing, so eventually, I got a little better. Even now though, I wouldn’t say I’m amazing or advanced or anything. I’m just alright, which is okay :woman_shrugging: It’s better than where I was before, that’s for sure lol, so I’m glad you liked it!
But yeah, I’m really into your story. It’s exactly my cup of tea, and hopefully I can get around to reading more today. I stan :+1:


#13

Feel free to discuss more when you finish up! @goth.gaia

I’m reading up your story now, and loving the length and effort put into it! The first episode was super long, and I just finished it.

Which is actually a really good thing. Since passes are abysmally slow in replenishing, you’re making it work, and the directing surpasses mine by a long shot!


#14

AAAH, thank you! That means a lot, seriously. I know they’re long, but I like to think that I at least make them somewhat entertaining lol. And it’s nice to know that they’re worth a pass, since they do take friggin forever to replenish… blasted things. :roll_eyes:
I’m off to read your more of your story now! I’ll be sure to leave you some more feedback when I’m finished! :wink:


#15

Like I said, longer episodes the better. Unless pacing is bad, I’d rather take 5-10 min reading some story, even just the first episode.

I edited some few things in the story and published more chapters (though by accident, stupid Writer Portal.). Thankfully they were already done and just needed some edits here and there in terms of dialogue.

I think slightly shorter episodes are acceptable if it has action packed in it or a climax. Other than that, I’ve seen so many less than deserve popular writers get reads on lazily done work and get away with it :roll_eyes:

I’d be lying if I said it isn’t discouraging to not get viewers though. But at least it’s somewhat fun to do. I’ve been writing for like what, 2-3 months now? Only now I decided to publish this story.

My unlimited pass thing for the month is ending in like less than a week, so I’m hoarding stories as much as I can lol. Ads take up longer than the story itself sometimes :confused:


#16

I LOVE long episodes. Always have tbh, especially if I’m really enjoying a story. Your eps are long, but there’s so much action and depth to them; I get so into the story that it feels like they fly by! With that being said, I made it to 5, but I’ll probably end up finishing it later tonight. You’re hella talented and hilarious and just… ugh. Everything is fantastic lol. You’ve honestly got me looking at my own story wondering how I can improve!

I love how the MC is so sex positive and confident in herself. Your writing is so descriptive, it really adds to the overall reading experience! It felt like I was in that world at times, especially when the relationship between MC and Jason was elaborated on. :pensive: Parts of that made me feel a little sick, ngl… which is a good thing, I would say. A lot of your story is heavy and raw, but you’ve portrayed those aspects accurately, which is nice. I also really loved the bits of comedy. We literally have the same sense of humor. :joy:

Also: I totally get you on the reads/views. It’s lowkey disappointing to not get recognized, especially when you’ve put your heart and soul into your story, which it’s obvious you have. Just judging by the amount of substance there is to your chapters/plot, the incredible character development, and amazing diversity, I can tell this is something you’ve worked insanely hard on. My advice would be to just write because you love it, you know? Try not to worry about numbers. I know when I first published, they were definitely something I obsessed over… it took away the fun of it for me. Now, I think of reads as sort of an extra perk of writing, which is what I love doing and why I published in the first place. I hardly look at them now lol, or at least not as much as I used to. So, rambling aside, just focus more on getting your story out there, gathering a solid base of readers, and keep writing! The rest should follow. It better lmao, I’m really adamant about this blowing up! :smiling_imp:

Jesus, this is long lol. I think I’m gonna conclude this by saying that Johnny and Ronnie are a buncha buffoons. They made me laugh so hard!


#17

I’m just so happy reading this that nfoanfieafia. ;_; And lol please, trust me, the directing and plot of your story is great. The directing is something I’ve been trying to improve, cuz it looks stale sometimes if there aren’t so many zooms…

Yes, I did try to write MC in a good, confident light. It was about time I stopped reading stories with the “awkward, shy MC” who doesn’t “just sleep around/is still a virgin”. I write it based on my own experiences with such double standards, so thankfully her raw development, but also a softer, weaker side of her is decent so far.

I feel disappointed still somehow with how I portrayed Jason. Don’t get me wrong, he’s set to being an abusive piece of garbage. It’s just I wanted to elaborate more on emotional abuse too, and the eventual rise of abusive levels that horrid people can climb. I wanted to create a foil of him, someone mysterious and complex, but also a sweet person that can still be sexy and alluring. Seems like a lot of stories lack this, and I’m usually never one to excuse passive behavior IRL too.

And Christ, I’ll admit on one thing. The Johnny/Ronnie (and Lonnie, the one who got shanked lmao) was probably one of my favorites, if not my favorite, scenes to direct and write. Thankfully, it’s not just them, but the other “grunts” who are dumb to the point of being exaggerated. Still cracks me up whenever I preview the scene and their damn presence appears lmfao.

I don’t know when exactly you read Chapter 5, but I made some edits. Decided to just out Ruben as a bisexual man in a certain scene. If he’s going to be a male self-insert of me, might as well make him one. But a healthier, sexually fluid one that comes off as more diverse and not based on other stereotypes. Figured it’d be unfair to just include lesbian women, and might as well add some more substance since it’d be ironic if I DIDN’T include more LGBT people. :roll_eyes:


#18

I read up on your story and the episodes are satisfyingly long, and that I want to smack James with a chainsaw. I wanted to sort of portray Jason like that: an abusive piece of crap, that is also emotionally abusive. Glad to see the diversity too! I’ll keep you updated throughout though, I promise! Stupid app drains my phone ever since the new Android update, and I hate sitting during vet visits doing absolutely nothing but jotting some story/chapter ideas lol

If you have an Instagram, I’d love to follow! mine is azaria.episode and I have a few screencaps I’d love tagging you in from your story lol.


#19

I’m so sorry it took me so long to get back to this wtf? I suck. :sweat:

Seriously lmao. That gets real tiresome, real fast. I’m so glad “I’m” not like that in your story!

It’s cool af that Ruben’s bi. I haven’t read chapter 5 yet (I did, but Episode will probably take me back to the beginning since you updated), but that makes me really happy. Bi men are hardly represented, so it’s cool that you’ve included such a “hidden” (for lack of a better word, sorry if that’s not correct!) group of people. And for once, not stereotypically!

I still think you did a great job with Jason! I can see why you’d want to elaborate more on the emotional side of things, on how abuse elevates to uglier levels within time, but I think he’s overall a solid, good character (in terms of development/personality. by no means is he GOOD). I get what you’re saying though, because I honestly feel the same way about James. I’m hoping in later chapters to develop his character a bit more, as well as elaborate on his relationship with the MC. I feel like I just made him an asshole, which was totally my intention… but the execution could’ve been better. :woman_shrugging:

omfg I feel bad lmao. You’ve been reading my story and you wrote out these posts, and I haven’t gotten back to you up until now :sob: I’M SO SORRY I’M SUCH A GODDAMN TOENAIL. But thank you for reading and keepin’ me posted on what you think! I’ll be doing the same!

I do have an IG @gaia.writes. But I’m not active on it (like at all), so you don’t need to tag me if you don’t want to lmao :two_hearts:


#20

There’s no need to apologize! I’ve been seldom active myself, though I did want to replay your story which was hilarious and I have screencaps.

I followed you anyway, and wait a second, users have to REPEAT a story if the author updates it??? Even if there’s minor errors like typos or directing flaws??