If you don’t like drama . You know what to do .
So four years ago I sat beside this girl who seemed not happy . Back then I wasn’t depressed. I had good grades too and I was less confused and worried. So I wanted to make as much friends as I could because my sister told me to make friends. I was kinda shy but I didn’t want to be alone so I pushed myself. I talked to this girl let’s call her Sara. I opened up to her , I made her laugh , I helped her get better grades. We sat together for 5 years straight. She became less sad , she became actually very happy and stated getting good grades. While I on the other hand started getting bad grades, and I started getting sad and kinda depressed.
One day a girl came and sat with us . She asked Sara if she was my best friend. Sara didn’t answer. I never understood why wouldn’t she say yes . Smth was wrong. I mean she would tell me about many things. And then I thought why? Was she shy? Well she used to be but not anymore. Lately she started behaving in really weird way. She started gossiping a lot and doing other things that before she wouldn’t approve.
There was smth wrong. I couldn’t understand what. One day a boy started bullying me and Sara just watched instead of helping me just like I helped her in these situations. Was she afraid? I don’t think so. Lately she had changed from a shy , uncertain girl to a not-shy, confident an brave girl. (All because of my upbringing , what can I say I was the ideal friend ) .
Then she started hanging out with another girl. I don’t mind that. But then she started talking to her all the time and ignore me.
Another day I tried to start a conversation (even though I was anxious as hell I did it) but she totally ignored me. (And I was like bitch what the fuck). The next day I heard Sara say to another girl that I never talked to her. And I was standing right there. (I was like bitch , I tried to talk to you yesterday and you ignored?) but I didn’t talk because I was kinda shocked and maybe dumb .
And then she started getting better grades than me . I asked her to help in one exam and she would make excuses . (Bitch I always helped you in exams and homework no matter what)
I admit I was stupid but I also wanted to ignore these hints that she was a toxic friend , I couldn’t accept the fact that I stayed with this girl for straight 5 years to come to this point!
Another day she comes up to me and says : You almost never talk about anything (I was really depressed in that time) , if you continue like this you will make no friends at all. You have to change .
And those magical words magically cured my sadness and social anxiety . WOW . When she was shy I would always help her and I would never talk to her like she did. I was much more empathetic and kind. The she says: what is wrong with you , you aren’t studying anymore , that’s no good Ana .
I remember that she was really bad with grades and I helped her always. Oh well guess I was dumb back then.
Now the question is why did I become best friend with Saara in the first place? Well because my class had no other good girl. And my school was full of shitty people. Like for real . I’m not being a drama queen it’s all real.
Now I met much better people but I lost my will to make friends. I met this very awesome girl but I just can’t . I don’t know what is wrong with me and I know there is smth really wrong with me .
Sometimes I wish to go in a new place . And I had a chance to do that. But my parents declined because I’ma girl and it;s dangerous for me to go in a foreign country where I don’t know anyone . I agree with them in this point.
Note: Guys you can’t help me, you can support me but you can’t help me for real. I appreciate your support but let’s be real it’s not going to change much . Sorry if I came too straightforward . I really like this community and the good people in it.