|l~ Peachy's Honest Story Reviews [Open] ~l|


Good evening/morning/afternoon, to you people all around the world. I’ve created a story review thread before but I never got to finish a few of the requests I got.

For this version of the thread, I’m going to change up how I work and review because doing how I always review take away my time and doesn’t give me free-will to state my opinions without having to score anything.

Anyway, more information is below, I will state how I review but it’s different from the other thread.

Notes

~~

  • I’m not a grammar-nazi and English is not my first language. But I highly doubt that’s a valid reason at all - either way, I will point out mistakes in your grammar.
  • I’ll be focusing on directing/grammar mistakes and plot; unless you state in advance which point you want me to focus on.
  • Note that your story may not be according to my standards. This is mainly because my genre is fantasy, sci-fi, thriller, action and adventure. So, I may be biased with stories of other genre - I do like other genres though, as long as it actually has a good plot and lures me in.

~~

  • I will not accept your request if you don’t fill up the form completely.
  • There are some people that seem like they don’t appreciate my review despite asking for one. I’d like to ask that you please like or reply on the review to show your appreciation.
  • Please don’t see reviewing as an opportunity to get reads! Feedback is good, but too much is not so.
  • I will also review unpublished stories, but please still fill in the form I provided below.
    ~~
Review Form

Story title:
Author name:
Author instagram [Optional]:
Genre:
Story cover:
Story link [Optional]:


So that I can thoroughly review your story, I will only accept 10 requests in a row, before opening the shop again for you to request.

Reviews
  1. Remnant Past - @Madhu: :heavy_check_mark:
  2. Deadly Secrets - @TamiRose: :heavy_check_mark:
  3. Lost Summer Love - @TamiRose:
  4. Hidden Luna - @Jess2112:
  5. Deadly Game - @secrets.epi:
  6. Between Worlds - @BadBoyBillionaireBBB:
  7. Shado - @Roy:
  8. No Resistance - @lisiaaa.k:
  9. The Nerd of The Bad Boy - @Forever1201:
  10. Searching for Magical Peace - @ArtisticWaffle:
Story Favourites
8 Likes

Hey girl ty for doing this. I would love a review from you. english is not my first language so you might find some grammar mistakes. could u avoid that focus on other things in review pls?
Story title: Remnant Past
Author name: Madhu
Author instagram [Optional]: @epi.madhubhgd
Genre: Action
Story cover:
image
Story link [Optional]:
Here’s the link:
http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4667930276331520

Author: Me (TamiRose)

Genre: Fantasy

Deadly Secrets

A vampire loves her. Her best friend’s a Werewolf. Her parents? Magically royal. Only one thing. Delilah doesn’t even know. Her world, is not as she knows. Will she accept fate?


Genre: Romance

Lost Summer Love

Crazy love. Wacky friends. Unnecessary drama. How will Evan and Sierra make it through this crazy thing called, life

Thank you for doing this! Here is my story :grinning:

Story title: Hidden Luna
Author name: Jess
Author instagram [Optional]: @jess.epyyy
Genre: Romance
Story cover:


Story link [Optional]: http://bit.ly/EpisodeHere

Hey, thank you for the thread! Could you review my story? :smile:

Story title: Deadly game
Author name: Emma.stories
Author instagram: secrets.epi
Genre: mystery
Story cover:
image
Story link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5124809218064384

I am in no way a professional reviewer and I am obliged to state my honest opinions as per feedback on how to make your story better. I have 0% intention on offending you so if you think otherwise, I’m sorry.




1st Episode Review

Grammar

From:


To:
LUCY: All I ever get from her is “Lucy, don’t touch that!” or “Lucy, don’t go there”

I also suggest putting “She has never been proud of me” to another narrator dialogue.

~~
From:


To:
LUCY: But enough about me, let’s meet my favourite person in the world.
-never capitalize the next word after a coma.

~~
From:

To:
LUCY: Trouble is my middle name, dad. But I’ll try to stay out of it for you.
-again, same rule. Besides, dad isn’t a proper noun so it shouldn’t be capitalized.
~~
From:


To:
LUCY: Roy, is that you? Or am I just hallucinating?
-Capitalize the word that is next to a question mark or exclamation mark.
~~
From:

To:
LUCY: Let’s hope no one tries to mess with us. If they do, they are a hundred percent stupid as hell!
-A hundred percent seems more realistic when using it for a conversation.
~~
From:

To: Oh, Lucy, come on. Don’t talk about that sh*t or trash
-Again, coma capitalization rules. Also censor the bad word or change it into a more appropriate word because… guidelines gurl.

~~
From:


To:
LUCY: Him and my mom have been married for 20 years, I guess. I don’t know
-the previous sentence was a little informal, especially since it wasn’t an idle or small conversation.
~~
From:

To:
LUCY: Oh sh*t, I completely forgot! I have to get to class!
-guidelines :wink:
~~
From:

To:
LUCY: After everything he’s done to me!
-no coma needed, it’s absolutely not necessary.
~~
From:

To:
LUCY: How dare he try coming back to my life!

Directing Bugs


As you can see, the teacher seems like she’s standing on the table.

Miscellanous

~~

  • Everything happened quite fast and I felt like a few of the explanatory introductions or dialogues that just explain what happened earlier was unnecessary. That’s because you could’ve shown instead of just telling.
  • The backgrounds are adorable!
  • A few of the walking animations don’t match the scenes. For example, the MC meeting the family; the terrified or scared walking animation didn’t really match the mood.
  • Try doing @CHARACTER is idle after the character talks, just so that it won’t look weird that the character is loop talking or having any other end pose of the animation.
  • Default outfits but I guess that’s fine.
  • The fade after the art scene is finished should be @transition fade out then followed with a @transition fade in instead of a @transition fade in only.
  • Silhoutte black is not a proper hair color and should just be used for shadows!
  • No background characters

~~
Overall Episode 1 thoughts:
I’d really like to know more about them being reapers that Dribbles and the MC was talking about - that seemed like an interesting subplot in amidst of the harem that I feel like is about to form. Although, I think the story is better suited in the Romance/Drama section, me judging from what I’ve seen on the first episode.

Directing is fairly satisfactory, I’d like to know how you plan to uncover each character’s personality and past as well as how you will manage to mix in the ‘action’ part of the story. The MC could’ve reported the ex for rape or abusing, since it’s really a crime instead of her just sulking about the past. But, I guess that’s drama and plot-related.

Anyway, judging from the first episode, it didn’t pique my interest for me to continue reading. Although, I’m keeping my boots up for plot twists. It’s quite short and really just an introduction of characters - prologues are meant to be short since it is introduction, so I guess that’s fine. However, I didn’t warm up to the plot just yet and it’s missing quite a few patches for me to be able to actually understand the whole plot (Aside from hurting past, what more could this uncover and what’s the whole point of the story?)

Otherwise, good job! :+1:


2nd Episode Review

Grammar

I forgot to screenshot these 2 moments, but during the readerMessage in the combat sceen, you spelled “comabt” instead of “combat

Lucy also said “ofc” and I think that’s informal?
~~
From:


To:
LUCY: How is it that you have got SUCH a good memory?!
~~
From:

To:
LUCY: Let me get changed. Do whatever you want in the meantime.
~~
From:

To:
JAX: You kicked a man when he was about to rape you! And you were only 13 for god’s sake!
-I’m pretty sure she didn’t seduce and knock out Ryker and just straight-up kicked him…
~~
From:

To:
LUCY: I don’t want to become the old me. She is weak.
~~
From:

To:
LUCY: Of course I am! Why shouldn’t I be?
~~
From:

To:
ROY: Cause’ this hot-stuff doesn’t like waiting.
~~
From:

To:
DRIBBLES: Come on, Jax. We will probably have more time for ourselves, next time.
~~
From:

To:
LUCY: Oh, come on! Not again!
~~
From:

To:
JAX: I wanted to talk to you about this because I got information that you were crying in the hallway.


There were more scenes that had mistakes in grammar, but I forgot to screenshot some of those.

Directing Bugs


The 2 people on the circle should switch their lip colors.

Miscellaneous

~~

  • Lucy was a little too impatient with the cab, having knowing that she just called them literally a few seconds ago.
  • You literally. Just. Left. The. Cab. Like. :sob:
  • Too much art scenes that were unnecessary.
  • A little too much informal dialogue
  • I like Jax’s personality, the way she comforts Lucy is heart-warming :upside_down_face:
  • Make sure to add a @CHARACTER is idle after every dialogue just so that it doesn’t look weird and unrealistic.
  • Please don’t use shortcuts when doing conversations that are not through phone. To be quite honest, it’s irritating.

~~
Overall Episode 2 Thoughts:
This episode was shorter than episode 1 but had a lot more grammar mistakes for it’s length. It went by a little too fast - it didn’t give much context. To be honest, I felt like nothing on this episode was actually relevant to the plot at all. Except for the boy that could be a potential add to the harem.

Other than those, I have nothing more to say about this episode mainly due to it being too short. To be quite fair, I was disappointed with this episode :confused:


3rd Episode Review

Grammar

From


To:
LUCY: All I know was that a little girl has been held captive by some person whose name starts with a “W”.

~~
From:


To:
LUCY: Why couldn’t he just answer my question? So annoying and such a waste of time.
~~
From:

To:
LUCY: Now, isn’t this a lovely night for some fun?

~~
From:


To:
LUCY: If it was about money, they could have kidnapped a rich girl and asked the family for money.

~~
From:


To:
DRACO: Find more about this Reaper. She’s a good resource for us.

~~
From:


To:
LUCY: We are supposed to reach there using our teleporting devices which are attached to our uniforms.
~~
From:

To:
AZRO: I have been wanting to talk to you since yesterday, but you seemed a bit off so I just didn’t.

~~
From:


To:
LUCY: Of course. Sleep tight and sweet dreams, bye!

~~
From:


To:
DRIBBLES: Sh*t! She saw us!

Directing Bugs

When Mysha was supposed to read or hold the note, you forgot to add the prop and ons only added it when she was supposed to hand the note over to Lucy. Same goes for when Lucy shot the guard, but the prop didn’t appear at all.

To add, the spot directing for the guards laying seemed wrong. Their torsos were on the walls with their legs on the ground.

The brother wasn’t holding a donut when he told Lucy about going to the kitchen because of a donut.

Miscellaneous

~~

  • When Lucy shot the guard on the right, the guard just fell flat without ever fainting. I suggest adding a faint animation for a little realism.
  • Please don’t use shortcuts when doing conversations that are not through phone. To be quite honest, it’s irritating.
  • Make sure to use @transition fade out before doing @transition fade in
  • Make sure to add a @CHARACTER is idle after every dialogue just so that it doesn’t look weird and unrealistic.

~~
Overall Episode 3 Thoughts:
In this chapter, it was close to obvious that you thought about what was going to happen as you write - correct me if I’m wrong though. I could see it through the moment Azro had a date. It was only at that moment that she explained they were dance partners and all about their past. Now, this confused me to be honest. If she hated boys who played with girls hearts, why kiss him in the first place? Was it for the sake of drama or a little more dialogue? Why was she angry when Azro kissed him, they had kissed before?

At least in this episode, I could understand why it was set in the ‘action’ genre and the romance could just be the subplot instead of the main plot. Overall, this episode was probably the most interesting out of the 3. It actually showed progress in the plot - where the villians would actually show themselves. So good job with this episode :+1:


Would you continue to read this story?
-Probably no, but great job and a wish of luck for your story either way!

How would you rate this story from 1-100?
-It’s probably on 54, due to the mistakes and that the fact that it’s not just my genre.


1 Like

Story title: Between Worlds (Limelight)
Author name: The Baddest Bois
Author instagram [Optional]: @thebaddestbois
Genre: Fantasy
Story cover:
cover
Story link [Optional]: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5976966935674880

Thank you for opening this review thread! Your feedback would be very helpful!! :smiley:

Thanks for the thread sweetie!
Here’s mine…

Title: Shado
Author: Roy
Instagram : roy_episode
Genre : Action
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5108744574074880

Shado_S9_posterThumb_cEh8zzozgE

Story title: No resistance
Author name: Alyssia
Author instagram [Optional]: Lyssiaa_epyy
Genre: Drama
Story cover:


Story link [Optional]: https://episodeinteractive.com/s/5741846277193728

Title of the story: The Nerd Of The Bad Boy

Author of the story: Kit Kat

Description of the story: Christa dosen’t have and an easy life. Everyday she gets bullied at school. Everything seems against her. The people who actually cares for her is her family and her best friend. But what happens when tutoring the bad boy ends up a rollercoaster of events and surprises? Will she take it all or break and give up?

Cover of the story:

Link to story:

quick q, where’s the w

There’s no w. It’s Shado only.

ohh kk

1 Like

thank you for the review i will correct the mistakes. I didnt have a proofreader for ep 2 and 3 so thats why a lot of grammar mistakes. I will think about the other things based upon the plot.

Thanks for the great thread! I would love a review. I haven’t quite finished the sound, so I already know that it’s messed up and plan on fixing it. My story is unpublished, as there are only two episodes as of now. I was wondering if I could get some advice on the story itself and the title because I can’t decide. Thanks again!

Story title: Searching for Magical Peace or
Author name: ArtisticWaffle
Author instagram [Optional]: I don’t have an Instagram, sorry.
Genre: Fantasy
Story cover:


*Story link [Optional]:

Can you maybe PM me my review, please? If you can that’d be great! If not, that’s okay, too!

I am in no way a professional reviewer and I am only obliged to state my honest opinions as per feedback on how to make your story better. I have 0% intention on offending you so if you think otherwise, I’m sorry.




1st Episode Review

Grammar

~~
The grammar is absolutely flawless! I mean, according to me anyway. It was enough for me to understand what the characters were saying so I very much like that.

The only mistake in grammar that I could find is the description. If I were you, I’d change the description to this:
“A vampire loves her. Her bestfriend is a werewolf. Her parents? Magically royal. Only one thing, Delilah doesn’t even know all this. Her world is not what it seems. Will she accept her fate?”

Miscellanous

~~

  • A sufficient amount of background characters, I like that.
  • Default outfits - weird that the background characters had added effort but the mother was a barely-edited stock character.
  • Make sure to add a @CHARACTER is idle after every dialogue, just so that it doesn’t look weird.
  • Music doesn’t fit the scene that is happening.
  • The love interest’s look is screaming Twilight.

~~
Overall Episode 1 thoughts:
I’m personally intrigued with the plot. It isn’t that common where a vampire and a werewolf isn’t romanticized too much - I mean, after seeing the first episode there could be romance but also a lot of things and drama in there. A bit confused over here on my side, but nothing much that I can’t handle.

The directing is a little dull, with you using a lot of basic commands, but I adore the dialogue and your word-choice. For a first episode, things were thrown at me way too fast. I usually like taking things in slowly and the author leaving small hints or fragments that form the whole plot but making sure it doesn’t leave holes.

Judging from the first episode, I’d think it was half-and-half. A little thought-out and a little planned at the last minute for smaller conversations or a few scenes. The bestfriend screams a ‘I didn’t care for you at all and I was only with you because you were interesting’ type, and I personally really like that. The bestfriend may be an important key to forming a plot, and that’s really uncommon. So it’s nice and fresh to see stories using the bestfriends as an important key to create the whole plot.

The episode was short, but it gave off big information that I’d prefer was given to me a bit more slowly, flashbacks that leave me on edge and the villian not showing himself abruptly. The scenes were not in a decent order, and it seemed like it was all-over the place. Otherwise, I’m really excited to see how this unravels. Great job! :+1:


2nd Episode Review

Directing Bugs

The background characters layers of some of the scenes are wrong. Some of the back characters were over on the front with some front on the back - if you get what I mean. I forgot to screenshot it, but it was before this scene:


~~

When the character was running in this scene, she appeared out of nowhere, walked before running and bumping into Alita.

Miscellanous

~~

  • I don’t know, but I get weirded out whenever a character talks to oneself then abruptly comes up with an excuse that prevents herself to say anything any further - which in this case, is the girl’s night out. I’d actually prefer if a person was just thinking instead of talking out loud, since it seems more realistic but it’s not a big issue.
  • All backgrounds were defaults, I’m pretty sure. It would’ve been nice to see some other backgrounds in there.
  • Background characters in the cinema reacted late and stood without doing the stand_up animation.
  • The music was overlapping each other during the flashback - and for me, the music didn’t match the scene
  • I like that this incorporated many character’s POV for not just a single scene, but multiple.

~~
Overall Episode 2 Thoughts:
To be quite honest, it’s confusing. I don’t know the roles of some characters or their purpose in the story. When the villians are giving a remark or cursing others and other dialogue between those lines, I’d prefer if it was more thrilling instead of just straight-up villians walking and talking - which doesn’t put me on edge.

Furthermore, I like the plot so far. The personalities of your chararacters are really likeable and I very much look forward to what more you can do with this story. If there may be something that I don’t like, it would probably be the directing and the scenes that make it seem like it’s all over the place.

This story makes you think as if every character with a dialogue has an important role and I would think that almost everyone is a villian. The only thing I would suggest is the directing, try to indulge in spot-directing and zooms more. Maybe also use overlays to give a more thrilling effect, filters can also be used. Play with your directing!~ Otherwise, I like this story and that comes from a person who doesn’t really like vampire and werewolf stories.


3rd Episode Review

Directing Bugs


Aside from wrong character sizes, make sure to use & instead of @ in placing these characters because the characters suddenly popped up like some aliens.


Miscellaneous

~~

  • This scene could’ve been better if they were telepathically speaking, fantasy-realism.

~~

  • When a character is explaining things, you should use a NARR speech bubble instead of just plain dialogue to keep the realism a bit.

~~

  • Inconsistent music.
  • Default, episode-portal backgrounds.

~~
Overall Episode 3 Thoughts:
This episode was a little bit short - according to my standards. Medium progress to the plot, slowly uncovering things and I like that. I felt like the directing was lazy, you could’ve improved it more and added a creative touch to the scenes - that would make your story a whole lot better.

It appears to me as if you use the sound command instead of the music command and that causes some music to overlap each other. They cut off from time to time and then appear again. You only put music to a few certain scenes but I have no complaints in that, I suppose.

I mean, I must admit that your story plot interests me, but the directing turns me off. Scenes could use some creative and innovative thinking, in the means of directing. I’m pretty sure all the backgorunds are defaults except for the forest background. It could’ve added to the enjoyment if there were custom backgrounds and not just ones provided by episode.

Overall, great job! :+1:


Would you continue to read this story?
-Probably not, probably yes. I’m intrigued by the plot but the directing… it’s a little dull for my tastes.

How would you rate this story from 1-100?
-Around 74, because I like the plot and some of the chatacters.


Of course! The things about the plot aren’t necessary, and may just be my own personal tastes. Maybe consider them when you write a story next time! :wink:

1 Like

Thanks very much for a good review. You’ve given me a few things to look over. I’ll try to look these over and figure out what I can fix.

But, is it a bad thing if the male MC is giving off twilight vibes? :sweat_smile: I wasn’t going for that, but just a vampirish look overall since vamps are portrayed in different shades I guess :woman_facepalming:t4:

Not a bad thing at all! :joy:

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