Welcome to Lee Funk’s Live Thoughts on your story! Inspired by @amberose ‘s Live Thoughts Thread which closed in 2019.
What’s a Live Thought? I will read your story and write quick blurbs about it as I read along. The difference from a review is that it will not be one long summary. I’ll address what I like or suggestions at the moment.
Review Template
Story :
Author :
Genre :
Episodes Published :
Story Link :
Instagram :
Additional Information that helps me
Total Episodes When Complete? :
Part of a Contest? :
IPAD Friendly? :
Who do you think your target audience is? :
Anything you’d like me to focus on? :
Rules
I will read the first three episodes and post about those first three episodes. I might continue your story later on, but I’m one of those people who like to shelve the story and binge it once it’s complete.
I’m not required to post your story on my Instagram. I will probably do most of them regardless, but I’m adding this just in case. You might see me post, and that doesn’t mean I’m ignoring you. Instagram/Episode pays me and so I have to prioritize my own content.
Please be patient with me. There are times when I have too much free time and other times when I’m lucky if I can even write for ten minutes.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO READ ANY OF MY STORIES. If you’d like, I recommend Good for the Soul. It’s my latest story and I’m really proud of it.
Additional Information
If you’d like to have your live thought response in private, I will fulfill that request.
I ask about your completed story goal because it helps me understand the pace of your story. For example, if you plan on wrapping up your story in five episodes and it still feels like a prolog, then it’s something I’d like to bring up. If you don’t know, perhaps a rough estimate.
Are you part of a contest? I’d like to know so that I can prioritize (or wait) to read your story during a judging period. Basically, your story earns more ‘retention’ for those who continuously read your story. This is how they pick their winners (on top of other things).
I read on an IPAD and a Samsung Tablet. I’d hate to start your story and then not be able to continue it because it’s not IPAD friendly.
Not every story is for everyone, therefore, I’m asking who you think your target audience is. I’ll be able to put myself into that mindset.
My Pet Peeves, just so you are aware that I will comment on these. That does not mean you’re obligated to change anything. Your story is yours, and you can do whatever you please (as long as it’s in the guidelines).
I don’t like numbers or abbreviations when they aren’t typed out. (16 → sixteen), (Mr. / Mrs. → Mister, Miss)
Text lingo in speech bubbles. (lol → L.O.L.)
Default Characters and Outfits.
Frequent readerMessages
Overcomplicated directing
Lying to Readers (telling readers that their choices matter but… they don’t)
Suggesting choices to readers (then also punishing them if they don’t pick your choice)
Comedic choices (har har you can’t pick that)
Links to Reviews I've Completed
Way Back When by Goji | LINK
EARTH FROM HERE by Behcuh | LINK
O Son Where Art Thou by Brendan | LINK
ICARUS by Archangel | LINK
White Canvas by Nayu | LINK
Bad Behavior by The Morrigan | LINK
They Call Him Death by Kinsley | LINK
Death on the Beach by JAR Output ERROR | LINK
Time is Deadly by Willow | LINK
Murder at Ambrogi Mansion by Faintest | LINK
Roses are Red by TheButton (BellaButton) | LINK
Once in a Blue Moon by Irene N. | LINK
The Art of Word by Teresa | LINK
My Dear Prosecutor by Nurella | LINK
Can’t Let Go by Bellae | LINK
MARKED by JANB | LINK
Before Zinnias Bloom by Goji | LINK
Her Stolen Dream by AdriGarai09 | LINK
OM: The Day the Sun Died by Kinsley | LINK
OM :The Makeover Match by liawrites | LINK
OM: Checkmate! by Rex Maxwell | LINK
It’s A Coincidence, Isn’t It? by The Morrigan | LINK
Hooked on Trouble by Astarael | LINK
Smoke and Mirrors by Mar | LINK (Unpublished)
It Was Always You… by RoseyGomez | LINK (Unpublished)
The Fourth Wall by Fernley
Thank you for being the first to post on my thread. I’m a little nervous but I did a little tap-dance of joy when I saw that your story was IPAD friendly. I love to read on my IPAD.
A long time ago, IPAD readers didn’t count on the reader counter. I’m not sure if that’s changed but if so… Happy 300 :D!
Ina has her head off-screen, but once Daniel comes on stage, I can see just her eyes but none of Daniel’s.
I love the evil laugh animation - glad for Suzie to have her debt wiped away. Curious to as what her debt was caused by.
6 years → six years
I did the victory dance
I’m spilling the beans to Ina, too excited to share.
She works with Hot-Dogs? Counter service?
Mr → Mister
I notice you don’t have too many transition outs in this Episode. I personally like them, as I feel the transition to different scenes is smoother. I think this would help with the flow too.
Leo is sus vibes. I sense either cheating situation or mutral breakup. More toward the first. Owo claims it’s a promotion? We shall see about that, won’t we…
See you at 7 → see you at seven tonight
Suzie has some of her head cropped while she’s visiting her niece - ah it’s not her niece.
Owe, no more feelings - is my guess, despite a romantic evening with Leo.
Episode 2 - I decided to speak up
Damn that’s a cute outfit, the striped top and the skirt.
I decided against company
Oop, they’ve made eye contact.
Awe, poor Daniel, he’s hurt.
I really like adult events in stories, like pregnancies-marriages-breakups that aren’t there to cause drama. It’s really refreshing.
Red for r o m a n t i c
Surprise, it’s me, I’m the one that’s drinking too much
Imma going to Daniel’s house - will there be… a shower scene?
Episode 3
The necklaces are adorable.
I see my questions from episode one are being answered, nice.
Party for the kid, but I’m curious if Daniel and whom he had a kid with are still married. Perhaps they’re still friends.
I’m wondering if she’ll join his set crew, definitely the artsy is being hinted at.
I had picked the homemade food and saw that Ima wasn’t that big of a fan but, that’s okay.
I don’t know if the singers are alluding to actual singers but, I wonder if Suzie will eventually go to a concert.
You’ve seen me before? Don’t be a cliffhanger, don’t be a cliffhanger-
It’s a cliffhanger:.)
Final Thoughts | Way Back When by Goji
I think that your episodes are on the longer side, but they aren’t filled with unnecessary scenes. All the scenes are either for plot development or character development. Therefore, I think your pace is wonderful - especially when you are targeting a more adult audience. I’m twenty-two, and I felt your story was directed toward me. If I was a person who wanted that quick romance and pregnancy drama, then I wouldn’t enjoy it as much as I did, because I need that instant satisfaction. I don’t need instant satisfaction, I like the world-building - like the relationship with Ima/Suzie as well as Daniel and his new job.
In terms of the plot which you asked for me to look at, I’m not sure if my opinion is relevant because you have one more episode. But, since it’s positive, I’ll express it anyway. It’s an interesting plot, I’ve read over 200+ stories on the app so I have come across a long-lost crush and a flame that might be rekindled, but they’re far in between. I wonder what inspired you to write this story?
If you’d like to only take one thing away from these live thoughts, I recommend adding transition fade-outs when ending a scene. Especially, when you do the curtain/shade for the scene entry. I think it would be smoother for pace and transitioning from scene to scene.
Is this where I post this? lol Thanks for the thread!
Story : EARTH FROM HERE
Author : Behcuh
Genre : ACTION
Episodes Published : 3
Story Link : Episode Writer Portal
Instagram : behcuh.ep
Additional Information
Total Episodes When Complete? : Probably more than 15
Part of a Contest? : No
IPAD Friendly? : Maybe not…
Who do you think your target audience is? : Mature audiences looking for something a little different. And anyone who likes sci-fi/cyberpunk stuff.
Anything you’d like me to focus on? : Directing, I suppose. Please click slowly!
Not IPAD Friendly, but that’s okay. I recommend for any future stories you might write, consider making them IPAD friendly. I estimate only 5% of readers are IPAD readers and most don’t care about faces being off-screen/speechbubbles - or don’t continue, it truly becomes an issue once / if you use tappables. When I read on my IPAD, and then start a story that isn’t IPAD friendly, I will exit them.
I’m not sure what AD stands for - Adventure? I’m not sure what P is either, I’d guess pick gender or pick LI but not sure. Yay, slow burn.
The Administrator - that’s a cool effect. Though the Administrator seems sweet and adorable, I’m a little sus because of Hal from Space Odyssey - shows dadhe confirms
I’m using intellect - hopefully, it works :.) ? – nope D:
Slimy bloodline - I must be an alien or a human and everyone else is an alien. I’m excited to learn more about her linage.
Ms. → Miss
Ooo the MC has a sharp tongue, I like that.
Section D - spook
I did thank Arlo
I’m at the scene with the MC and their dad, and I would be cautious as the guidelines state ‘No depiction of torture or parental abuse on screen’.
I like the background after the MC slays their dad. It’s really cool with the different colors that amplify the effect.
Episode 2 - Oh, okay, they’re on the space ship. I wasn’t sure since there was cars — it’s an enormous space ship.
Faq, I was taking a bite of food and missed the reader message about if I should change my appearance. While it makes sense to change my appearance, the Don’t Change is gold… I went with change and
I made a new friend - did I though? xD xD
Episode 3 - I notice you have it in action. I agree it’s an action story, but it’s truly a wonderful Sci-Fi which I’ll go into more depth in my final thoughts.
Not real dad, I sense some ~ foreshadowing ~
I also bet it’s not gossip about Alro
5 to 8 → five to eight
POINTS FOR SAVAGERY yes~
10 → ten
I did get compassion for the doggo, he’s to kawaii
I had to press the reset button as I was unable to continue to pan around. I hope I didn’t miss much by not being able to go to Lee street.
Cedro, how could you
Final Thoughts | EARTH FROM HERE by Behcuh
I’ve been really into Sci-Fi lately so I was really glad to have read one. I read a handful during the Stuck-With-You Contest, but before that, there weren’t very many Sci-Fi stories because the Sci-Fi section didn’t exist. I think that your story is wonderful Behcuh - especially the dialog and directing. I had to double-check to make sure if this was your first story as your directing is very advanced. I can tell you’ve put a lot of work into the scenes. Not only was it really smooth and great, but it also went very well with your overall theme of a Sci-Fi / Dystopian / Mystery / Thriller-Actiony. With that being said, I think you should consider moving it to Sci-Fi though this story could fit in other genres. You even said to yourself your target audience is Sci-Fi/Cyber-Punk.
Though you added a warning, I think the scene between the MC’s stepdad and them are going to get flagged as breaking content guidelines. You could send them in the scene and ask for feedback, but I’m thinking it’s going to get flagged.
I definitely want to share your story with my readers. I know they’re super into interactive stories as well as Sci-Fi - I’ll be doing that later today or tomorrow
Awesome review! I super appreciate you taking the time to go so in depth. I will totally be working on the issues you’ve pointed out in the coming days! (as I’m currently working on ep. 4!)
It is my first story, and im totally new to Episode/coding all together so don’t super know about the ipad “restrictions”? Lmao i did plan on going through and making it a bit more friendly now that I know!
Like I said, totally new to I’m learning the abbreviations for things (like “CC”). AD = Advanced Directing and P = Points
I’m glad it took awhile to figure out it was a ship! I wanted it to feel huge.
Sec D - Spook indeed…
I will go through and add a blurring effect on the abuse, maybe that will do? lmk!
I will change the “don’t change” option from gold!
Great points about moving it. I wasn’t 100% sure which direction the story was going to go in the beginning… I think changing to sci-fi is an excellent idea.
Arlo’s got a past
The panning section seems to glitch out from time to time. Im considering adding an arrow system instead of having the panning.
Please share! I would love and appreciate it just as much as the review itself.
Hi, and I would love to hear your thoughts on my story.
Story : O Son Where Art Thou
Author : Brendan
Genre : Drama
Episodes Published : 14
Story Link : Episode Writer Portal
Instagram : @brendan.writes
Additional Information that helps me
Total Episodes When Complete? : My story is already completed
Part of a Contest? : No
IPAD Friendly? : Maybe
Who do you think your target audience is? : Mature audiences
Anything you’d like me to focus on? : I’d like you see whether you like the happy or sad ending better, and you can watch both endings in the bonus episode.
Total Episodes When Complete? : 25-30 ish?
Part of a Contest? : Nope
IPAD Friendly? : Yes, but it has its limitations when it comes to overlays and such, phone is a better experience.
Who do you think your target audience is? : 16+, it’s a mature read with the themes and plot
Anything you’d like me to focus on? : Everything Maybe what you think of the characters and the flow, but everything works as well
Hello!! This seems like a fun idea hehe, here’s my story :>
Story: White Canvas
Author: Nayu
Genre: Romance
Episodes Published: 4
Story Link: Episode Writer Portal
Instagram: nayu.ep
Additional Info:
Total Episodes when complete: 20-22
Part of a Contest: No
IPAD Friendly?: I try to keep important things viewable on Ipad at least, so slightly?
Who do you think your target audience is?: Teens
Anything you’d like me to focus on?: Nothing much, you can go ham on everything :')
In regards to the panning issue - I had an issue with it within my own story and what solved it was deleting the horizontal part. Ever since I did that, I haven’t had a single issue with it on my phone or laptop, and readers haven’t been having issues (as far as I know).
The blurr might do the trick as you aren’t depicting it, but I do know that authors in the past have worked with the content guideline/reviewer team to make sure their scenes are okay if you’re still wary.
Hi! I’d love to hear your thoughts on my story. Thank you.
Story : Bad Behavior
Author : The Morrigan
Genre : Drama
Episodes Published : 7
Story Link : Episode Writer Portal
Instagram : themorriganepi
Additional Information:
Total Episodes When Complete: 20-25
Part of a Contest : No
IPAD Friendly : No
Who do you think your target audience is : 16+
Anything you’d like me to focus on : Nothing in particular, but I recommend seeing bonus scenes as well.
Ooh this looks really cool! I’d love your thoughts on my story
Story : They Call Him Death
Author : Kinsley
Genre : Mystery
Episodes Published : 5
Story Link : Episode Writer Portal
Instagram : episode.kinsley
IPAD Friendly? : Some things may be cut off but speechbubbles and choices should be okay
You’re reviews are amazing, I love hearing my readers thoughts I’m kinda excited if you decide to do it!
Its okay dont listen to hate your directing gave me chills and I love your story so much ive reread it max times boy and girl version its so good im so excited for future chapters
Story : Death on the Beach
Author : JAR Output ERROR
Genre : Mystery
Episodes Published : 3
Story Link : Episode Writer Portal
Instagram : jar_output_error
Total Episodes When Complete? : 7
Part of a Contest? : No
IPAD Friendly? : I would love to say yes but I’ve just play tested it and some of the options, the last one on the list, is half off the screen. And I spent so much time making sure the heads wouldn’t get cut off.
Who do you think your target audience is? : Older than the target audience of Episode.
Anything you’d like me to focus on? : The directing I suppose, I posted a clip on Instagram only to realise I’d left a character talking when they shouldn’t’ve been.
While the title is historic sounding, I don’t think it’s going to be a historic story. The cover confirms my thoughts.
I’ll be reading on my Samsung since you aren’t sure. I can read the first episode on my IPad tablet if you’d like to let me know, but unless you confirm I don’t want to hurt your reader retention.
Yay, Male MC. My readers have been asking for me to post/recommend some Male MC stories and I, unfortunately, haven’t been able to because either they’ve already read it or it’s been discontinued / on hold.
Ah, choices matter. I’m going to play unsafe, just to see how the story reacts to my choices.
Happy 200 reads
Episode One
If you are interested, some authors recommend names / last names for their readers. While not everyone might take them up on that, I usually do because I’m really bad with thinking of a name on the spot. Therefore, my names tend to be silly and goofy.
Is the love interest not someone we should CC or was that just the MC?
Aahh the court house has a default outfit. This is a pet peeve of mine.
Damn I chose not to text her and got romance points, my unsafe strategy is failing.
Bartender is a default character too
Didn’t think about my family, no points earned.
Episode Two
More default characters - it’s my pet peeve but also for the funeral, perahaps giving them outfits that match the occasion.
Crud, got more romance points. I’m failing at playing unsafe.
Episode Three
Default Characters in the background of the restaurants. Perhaps change them to doing some actions as well with the & command.
Little league default characters
I like how this episode is from the kid’s point of view.
Me and Brady → Brandy and I
Mr. → Mister
Default character receptionist
Minor overlay glitch when the LI is showing the MC their pregnancy test
Devilish lawyer, I liked that scene – evil evil evil!
Final Thoughts | O Son Where Art Thou
You asked if I would like the sad or happy ending more and well, I haven’t gotten there yet. My live thoughts are based off of the first three episodes. I think I would want the happy ending more as I believe the MC deserves the happy ending for all the effort he’s putting in to have his son back in his life. But, perhaps that happy ending comes with a cost.
Your plot is unique, I haven’t read anything like it. I could probably count on one hand the amount of stories I’ve read where the MC has kids. It’s different.
I’m sure you’ve grown as a director since you’ve published this story. However, I do have a few suggestions if you’d like. I think that the & command will benefit you as a director, as I notice you like to put the characters back to idle/non-talking animation after they speak. However, that creates an awkward quick pause. For example:
Using the & command, allows you to do multiple commands at once.
My other suggestion is to stay away from default characters. They aren’t necessarily bad, but I believe it goes the extra mile to give your background characters special outfits that fit the occasion as well as their looks - for example, brows match the hair.
Edit: Oh right, I didn’t test it on the IPAD yet but I believe that +80% of your scenes would work.
ICARUS makes me think of ICarly first, but then perhaps something techy - oo yay, it’s a Sci-Fi
I see you’ve won some awards. They’re a little small to read but they’re there nonetheless, congratulations!
I wonder if the sun might be an actual sun, or something in their world, or simply a cool summary.
Episode One
Run… Run… Why aren’t you running… well… okay now you’re hiding but- it’s too late! Rip
Bounty hunter or police? — Police, ah
That was a cool panning game, right off the bat. It’s nice to have these right at the beginning of an episode because it shows the readers that you are serious about interactivity.
Atlas said don’t bring the guy outside, what do you do? You bring the guy outside. You silly goose.
~Moxy~ (with the proxy of bad luck?)
Oo we get to play as her, an interesting and nice transition.
I see Data will be a lovable character.
I decided to let her go without punishment because even though she might retaliate, I know everything and as Moxy says, I don’t have any use for her dead.
Episode Two
I don’t mind CC or limited CC, I’ll be keeping them as is.
Identity unknown uwu mystery - I wonder if you’re-read this a second time, assuming you eventually learn her identity if the search bar gives you a different answer xD
Ms → Miss
…Gasket, I love the name and I’d like to meet them. Their name has popped up a few times.
I was thinking, why do you care about Meredith’s problems - but I see, Moxy would like to gain leverage.
I decided to tell them because maybe they know some information or can bounce ideas off. While could be a spy, then they’d be able to tell Gasket we know.
Drink it up my man, as long as you aren’t driving.
I guessed right, haha!
What’s missing, it’s going to be something spooky - twas spooky, did it come out through the nose?
I complimented Data, it doesn’t hurt to praise the team… right?
The Commissioner looking into the window, nice
Mr. → Mister
Op, I bit my tongue but eek, stepdad or actual dad? Prob couldn’t look at Atlas.
Episode Three
Whomever Valentine is looking for, I don’t think they’ve been introduced yet
I got Mordecai to talk
I have a good memory
I reminded him of our deal because I don’t trust him - I care too much for the robot.
I wonder why Jess decided to go to this place in an EBI outfit xd silly goose again
Just a smidge too late, darn.
Text is wanting to meet? Nope, darn
Final Thoughts | ICARUS by Archangel
I did decide to read on my Samsung, and yeah, I see what you mean that while you can read it on a Samsung, you’d be missing some of the time/locations. I overall liked your story, I don’t think there is much to talk about because I believe you really nailed the flow/plot/characters. I was starting to think that I wouldn’t learn anything about Jess in the first three episodes but she came through in Episode Three with hints of her family and such. I like your flow, the timed choices threw me off at first but I’m a quick reader and quick on my feet. I’m glad you did extra time for that last one because I definitely had to read to pick wisely - and since there were three options.
I don’t think I have any suggestions or additional final thoughts, I think your story is just really solid.
Additional Information that helps me 
Maybe what you think of the characters and the flow, but everything works as well 
I’m kinda excited if you decide to do it!
And I spent so much time making sure the heads wouldn’t get cut off.
