My Dear Prosecutor | By Nurella
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First Impressions
- I wonder if the court is going to be involved. I watched a lot of SVU so I know a thing or two xD
- If not, I also work with Law Enforcement so I will know a thing or two.
- Hmm, I wonder if you’re pressing charges and have to prove them?
- Ah, it seems to have a romantic undertone
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Episode One
- aka → A.K.A.
- If you wanted, you could give Ezra one of the bloody clothing articles (like the one that goes on top of everything) for additional effect
- 36 → thirty-six
- 26 → twenty-six
- 54 → fifty-four
- 56 → fifty-six – oop most officers I know are retired at this age, or getting very close to it.
- Ahh stalk background character outfits
- Ok → Okay
- Why’s → why is
- 8 → eight
- “…law school, Mira… You were…” - you have double periods here** I notice this a few times, throughout the story.
- “$300” → three hundred dollars
- “$5,000” → five thousand dollars
- I understand that the LI was a bit of a playboy in college, but to sabotage and scam sits uneasily with me because of law-justice-etc.
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Episode Two
- I like the pink
- It IS my color. It suits me very well
- FML → F.M.L.
- 2 → two
- “Hello, my dear prosecutor. I’m a police officer, Detective Sara” → This sounds odd. How come the detective is calling the MC my dear prosecutor?
- “Yes, my prosecutor…” ^ ditto as above, this sounds odd.** After reading all three episodes, I think that it’s possible that you want to mention the title in the story, but it sounds really odd to me. I think that if you wanted to include it in the story, the place that it would fit the best is when Hunter is talking to the MC. It’s almost like a taunt.
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Episode Three
- 2 bullets → two bullets
- “my prosecutor” → Prosecutor
- Stupid isn’t a curse word, it doesn’t need to be ***
- Ah ha, that is where the phone went
- 50 → fifty
- This men is really crazy → This man is really crazy
Final Thoughts | My Dear Prosecutor By Nurella
You have a good story going on. I’ll admit, I was getting worried that the first three episodes were going to be all flashbacks but the story picked up and entered its main plot halfway through Episode Two. It’s unique in the way the prosecutor is solving the case (but this wouldn’t be the case in real life), yet it’s your own story and it doesn’t need to follow the real-life world.
I did mark a small handful of un-typed out numbers and text-lingo because it’s a pet peeve of mine. You are not obligated to change anything, but perhaps keep it in mind while writing future episodes - as there was this poll done a while ago on the forums, which asked people what they preferred. While most did not prefer it, a good amount of people said it did matter to them.
One last suggestion I have is to be mindful of how the background characters look. I have a pet peeve with default outfits, which I occasionally saw. This likely won’t bother the average reader but what will is when the background characters have bright-colored lips on dark skin or natural dark-colored lips on lighter skin. I’m letting you know now because the meanest fanmails. I’ve ever gotten are around this - therefore, I go in and do minor touch-ups after I use the random character generator.
Thank you!