thank you so mych i really appreciate all the feedback! the numbers and such is something that i am now typing out and will probably go through and change in my previous episodes :))
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No problem 
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Murder at Ambrogi Mansion (LL) | Faintest
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First Impressions
- I’m curious as to why you decided to make your story into Limelight and INK. I have a story in both versions, and the reason behind it for me was people like to read my stories more than five times.
- This is random but if you wanted, you could list your INK version as complete (if it is) so that way when people see the story they know it is. My assumption is based on the number of episodes you listed as your goal for your LL version.
- I am reading on my Samsung
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Episode One
- …but it also continues friendship – that’s wholesome
- Mr / Mrs → “mister / missis”
- Speechbubbles occasionally face the wrong way
- Uh oh, someone is trying to kill her :o
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Episode Two
- It’s been two days since I’ve read, I apologize, I was busy.
- Your intro is very cool by the way. Very smooth and fits the theme very well with the snow and mysteriousness of it.
- Oof, marrying Parker. I feel like that could be the root of some of the drama because the MC and Parker were dating at one point.
- Yes, why did I come?
- I wonder if those idle_exhausted animations mean she’s been poisoned?
- I decided to see what’s wrong
- Mathew the doctor, coming through - make way, make way!
- She’s out of here! - RIP Nadia
- Silly goose, being your fiance doesn’t make her immune to death
- Dun Dun Dun — phone lines are down! All of you… are trapped!
- Cynthia is my first suspect because even though she made her career off of Nadia, I’m sus. There is always drama with managers. Though, we’re only two episodes into this mystery thriller
- Guess I’m the suspect
- Damn, well, if someone wanted to frame me then they’d have to have a grudge against me. Haha what if Nadia did it?
- I was going to run, but that didn’t work out.
- You know what Parker, f*ck you I am better than this. I don’t need your support! I am ~better than all of you~
- Someone has to let me out, right? Perhaps the Butler.
- Damn, Elise - - - attack!
- I have to suspect Elise a little because imagine if she let me out and such just to hide her own guilt but making me seem more guilty.
- hakuna matata XD
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Episode Three
- Missing medical book
- Omg no you hang up, you little cheater?
- 2610
- I’m getting the most – eek, someone is upset about that
- 5 minutes → “five minutes
Final Thoughts | Murder at Ambrogi Mansion (LL) by Faintest
I want to start by thanking you for your patience. I started your story on Saturday, but time got away from me and I was only just now able to finish.
You asked me to focus on directing, and inconsistencies with directing and I have a few suggestions. My first suggestion is consider making speechbubbles’s tail face the person who is talking. You do this about forty to fifty percent of the time, and other times I think it’s automatic speechbubble placement or a forgotten @speechbubble reset. It’s actually something that was suggested to me when I did a live thought on Amber’s old thread, and I’ve been doing it ever since- mostly because after it was brought up, I notice it more than I did prior. I tend to place the tail in the shoulder area, but sometimes I’m lazy or the scene requires otherwise. My second suggestion is to add a little note or information on the various mini-games. For example, I panicked when I couldn’t click the second through the fourth dial on the suitcase- only to realize it was one at a time. When the pannable mini-game came up, I took a moment to realize that it was a pannable game. It could be something like a readermessage saying, you’re now entering a pannable mini-game, or you’re now entering a tappable mini-game. I should add that I adored the various mini-games that you’ve added.
Your story is somewhat IPAD friendly, I think a few scenes here and there but- I don’t think a reader could get past the outfit game in Episode 2. Their tappable area is very limited and I don’t know if they could touch it.
I will definitely be sharing your story on my Instagram page - my audience loves interactive games and I think they’d enjoy the developing mystery. However, rip, my Samsung has died so it will be later today or early tomorrow.
Thank you!
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Thank you so much for your thoughts. You’re hilarious. My favorite:
“Silly goose, being your fiance doesn’t make her immune to death”. HAHAHAHA. And that’s why he’s Parker.
Thanks for all of the feedback! I will have to go back through (for the umpteenth time) and check the speech bubbles. I really appreciate that.
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No problem and I look forward to more episodes 
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Roses are Red | TheButton
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First Thoughts
- I’d love to read your upcoming story. I’d love to see how much you’ve improved after reading each one. I have this story that I strongly dislike, and honestly would deleted/hide it but… I found that my readers like to see how I’ve grown as a writer/director - and thought I dislike it, there are some readers out there who are die hard fans.
- If you’d like, I could read that story before it’s published. You can share a story that hasn’t been published, and I’ll be able to read all the episodes.
- My final thought about your upcoming story is to consider making it IPad friendly, so therefore it’s readable (and enjoyable) to everyone. To know if your story is IPad friendly, you can direct with the ‘guidebox’ on while on your computer and the greenlines represent the IPad screen. If you plan on using tappables, their touch zone is a tad smaller than the greenlines.
- I’m going to read with my Samsung since you aren’t so sure.
- It seems you hit a lot of different genres: supernatural, historic, mystery, Sci-Fi(?) — I’m excited
- 6 girls → six girls
- It’s actually under ‘The Button Bop’
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Episode One
- Two years? That’s a long time. Welcome back!
- I mentioned this more on the thread with more detail but there have been polls with the least liked things in user stories - and along with gangs, toxic love interest, weak MCs - one of the most disliked things for readers is when an author thanks their readers and apologies for directing in the first scene of the episode. It’s something to consider if you want in your next story. You could also place your thanks at the end of the episode.
- Op, she’s got vampire teeth - intentional? – her name is Mary
- Tara doesn’t have shoes
- I’m going to suggest directing edits in case you aren’t aware of them, at the end.
- Characters aren’t always facing each other
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Episode Two
- Instead of bringing up what a reader might have missed, you could give an optional re-cap at the start of the episode. ---- Oh, you already have one.
- Oh, Victoria has introduced herself to one of the girls
- ~fabulous effects~
- Breni losing it
- Op, it’s Bea who has been losing it.
- Not losing it
- You could also make Victoria a silhouette :o
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Episode Three
- Your warning is a little off-center, perhaps consider a new one.
- Cellphone?
- Kaylee got kidnapped?
Roses are Red by TheButton
Your story might be IPad friendly, as you stick to the main directing spots - all of which - are IPad friendly.
You’ve mentioned that you’ve grown as a director since writing this story so what I have to say might not be relevant but I’m going to mention it anyway just in case. I think your story could benefit to the use of &. For example, placing characters on screen before the transition and placing multiple characters at once.
In this example I did for another story I reviewed. You can place/spot characters before the transition fade in, as well as make them idle while another character is talking. Other small ideas is to consider is adding small mini-games, like choosing to visit certain locations to find clues.
I like your plot, it’s wild and thrilling but as I’m sure you are aware, it’s fast paced and hard to follow along. If you ever decide to REVAMP it, you could probably take what you have an span it out over the span of several more episodes. Going deeper into each character, where they come from as well as the shock of the plot.
I look forward to seeing what your new story and seeing how you’ve grown as an author.
Thank you!
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Thank you so much!
Cool. I haven’t finished episode 1 yet, so maybe I could write 3 episodes and then you can read it. Unless you’d like to read just the first episode when I’m finished with it (which will be soon).
Does this mean I’d have to edit the whole story?
Haha. Yeah, I’ve changed my name a few times.
It wasn’t intentional, but I did realise this while I was writing, but then I just forgot to change it.
That was intentional since she was meant to be poor and she was outside, but at that time I didn’t realise how much she’d be in the story and I never got to changing it… I should do that.
Thank you 
Oooh. How do I do that?
Yes, I know how to do this now. I actually used it in the fourth episode. Only once though.
I would love to do this (especially with my newer story) but I don’t know how to.
That is exactly what I was going to do, I was going to have each episode dedicated to a certain character but I kind of just forgot about that. I got too caught up in getting to the end quickly. I also just remembered that I forgot about something I was going to add in the story…
Yeah, maybe I should revamp it? Or… I could maybe do a prequel or sequel explaining the characters previous lives?
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Perhaps after Episode 3, since you mentioned the episodes go well together.
You don’t have to, in fact, I believe most of your story is in the guide box. You can find out by reading your story and turning the guide box on.
For a silhouette character, you select body type ‘silhouette’ and ‘black silhouette’ for their hairstyle and whatever face shape you want. I then select every other option to be none. When it comes to an outfit, since they need to be wearing something to save, I give them a mole.
Another thing that came to mind, is if you want to do a ‘see-through character’ for your character that is a ghost. Here is a link to Dara-Amarie’s ‘how to make a see-through/ghost’ character. Basically, you make the background an overlay and opacity it to how visible you want your character to be.
As for coding a mini-game, here’s one that I haven’t finished directing yet. Instead of finding an object, they’re talking to people (which I haven’t dialogued yet). You use a choice that goes to different parts of the room. It’s not listed here, but Oliver/Haruki, and Akari are actually in different zones. I’ll be &pan/@MCF… then chatting and then returning them so they’re back at the start. If they were finding clues, I’d change the Visit XX to “search the table” or “search the bed”, &pan/@MCF… walk them over and do an animation like search_neutral or tinker_kneel_loop. I have a little extra going on, with the colored choice to finish the mini-game and animated text which isn’t required to make a searching mini-game.
There are also tappable/pannable versions of mini-games, but they’re a tad more difficult to code. I can help you out if you have any questions or on the episode forums which have a lot of other authors who can lend a hand.
Some authors plan their stories out before they code/write, which helps them be focused and keep the plot in a consistent direction. I, on the other hand, don’t do that. Hehe, I like to plan 3-4 Episodes ahead, but then have like a google spreadsheet (I call it my cheaty cheat sheet xD) with goals/ideas I want to do in the story at some point. I’ll also write down some coding that I frequently use, or an animation that I really like and always forget what it’s called. This helps me as I’m a visual person and having that spreadsheet helps me.
You could revamp, or do a prequel or sequel. One thing to consider is the time that it will take to revamp it. I personally would love to revamp some of my older stories, but I’ve moved on to better and more fulfilling stories. However, the stories I want to revamp are 20+ episodes and by the time I touched up those, I could have finished my better and more fulfilling story. My suggestion (but you can do whatever you feel is right/best for you) is to continue to work on your new story and learn some more directing tricks/skills and then decide if you want to revamp it. This is because if you decide you want to, you now have more tricks/skills/directing to add to the revamp.
I hope this helps, and I look forward to your upcoming story!
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Hi Lee Funk! I would love for you to review my story. 
Story : The Art of Word
Author : Teresa
Genre : Comedy
Episodes Published : 4
Story Link : Episode Writer Portal
Instagram : @titiresa_writes_
Total Episodes When Complete? : 4
Part of a Contest? : No
IPAD Friendly? : I don’t think it’s 100% iPad friendly because some choices might have been placed below the guide box and I also used some tappable overlays.
Who do you think your target audience is? : Readers of any age who enjoy comedy, adventure, and a little parody.
Anything you’d like me to focus on? : The general flow of the plot and directing
Thank you so much for this opportunity! 
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Cool, thanks, I’ll do that.
Thank you, that sounds great.
Okay, I think I get it. I think I will add this to my new story though.
Thank you
I half do this, half don’t if that makes sense. For example, in my new story, I know what’s going to happen up to episode 10 (could be the ending unless I make a season 2), but I don’t know small details like what coding is required.
I’ve made a spreadsheet for others but usually I just write things down in my notes.
In my newer story (the one that isn’t out yet), I was actually thinking of adding the Roses Are Red characters into one of the episodes since one of the episodes is set a year before the events of RAR, so that episode could act as a prequel. Spoiler alert, yes the story features time travel… sort of… you’ll understand when you read it
Yeah, I feel the same way.
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I’ve been through all 3 episodes and fixed all the speech bubbles/choices that were off-screen, and re-published it. It’s now iPad friendly! 
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Hello Thank you so much for this thread. You’re reviews are very helpful, wonderful! And I’d love your thoughts on my story 
Story : My Dear Prosecutor
Author : Nurella
Genre : Thriller
Episodes Published : 7
Story Link: Episode Writer Portal
Instagram : @nurella.episode
Total Episodes When Complete? : Probably 35-40
Part of a Contest? : No
IPAD Friendly? : Yes.
Who do you think your target audience is? : 18+, This story uses mature themes and strong language.
Anything you’d like me to focus on? : I really don’t have a preference 
Grammatical errors I guess?
Thank you once again for doing this
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Awesome !
I was looking through my first episode… I can’t find where I’ve done this.
You’re right, I apologize. I should have been more clear by saying that while it’s usually thanking readers/apologizing for directing as you didn’t do these. It’s more of addressing the reader - here’s what I wrote to another person.
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Hey, thanks for this thread!
Story : Can’t Let Go
Author : Bellae
Genre : Drama/Romance
Episodes Published : 6
Story Link : Episode Writer Portal
Instagram : @bellae_epi
Additional Information that helps me
Total Episodes When Complete? : Anywhere from 30-35 (subject to change of course)
Part of a Contest? : No
IPAD Friendly? : Yes, I made sure. I think one choice in the story is awkwardly placed due to how many different choices I have. (I couldn’t find a solution to this, since it covers their faces if I were to place it higher.)
Who do you think your target audience is? : 16+, my story has strong language and mature themes, but are not heavily focused on. Romance/drama enthusiasts as well.
Anything you’d like me to focus on? : pacing? grammar? Don’t really have a preference.
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Once in a Blue Moon | Irene
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First Impressions
- Mentioning the twins makes me think that there are two MCs? – ah you mention this as well in the additional details you gave.
- I decide to read on my Samsung
- Yay for AAPI. I read this post once, a long time ago, that was trying to argue for more AAPI representation within Episode Stories (as well as stories that take place in Asia/Pacific Islands) and they also included a long list of sources for authors who wanted to have a character and how to represent that character accurately. That post always kind of stuck with me, so I always include at least one person who is AAPI (or arguably could be if the story took place on earth) who is a main character in my stories since that point. Like if I only have two main characters? Boom, one is AAPI.
- I think this is a new story, so congratulations on publishing. – I’m a silly goose, forgot it was part of a contest for a moment there!
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Episode One
- I was getting HS vibes with the summary and now it’s spy vibes? My guess is sneaking out of the house or movie — nope, it’s a break
- 3…2…1… → three, two, one
- Uh oh autoplay
- I liked the breakfast scene, it shows the dynamics of the duo as well as the family
- Damn Jenn
- You are glaring but I think it’s a glare of love-hate
- 10 pounds → “ten pounds”
- I’d love to be bubbles
- Fear the light-colored beach waves chick
- Caught staring - oop
- He’s blushing – yaweeee
- 2nd → “second”
- I guess that’s one reason to be late
- No Aster, no-
- Op, he believes that- oh noooo
- Prego teacher? Oh she’s leaving. I think when Aster was like ~teachers don’t put us together~ was foreshadowing for the new teacher to ~put them together~
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Episode Two
- Great title for the episode haha
- What’s the emergency Aster is going to say? – ah haha
- Nothing just— yeah, I am avoiding you cutie
- Seventeen years was the rivalry? Is that what Aster said to Jenn
- Dah blushing again!
- Hehe is my foreshadowing right? Or the sister and him-- until next time.
- girl casually falls from the sky
- Fu King xd haha. I picked my pen name to be Funk in case people read too fast xd xd
- I’m such a bad speller, I wouldn’t have noticed if the restaurant was spelled wrong
- “China =” → “China equal”
- Cute Epi-Burger background.
- The background for the driving being blurred like they’re moving really fast is creative, I haven’t seen that before.
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Episode Three
- Astrid you little goose, you damn faked up. She’s living that no regret life though
- That tennis ball is calling my name
- I like the Mandarin inserts here and there. It makes me think back to like… three years ago (?) when Episode added the ability to add special characters in the dialog. If you did it before then, it would disappear after you saved.
- Now that vase is oh noo
- The class is back. I’m thinking the sister is going to be paired with blushy boy – nope
- Nice extra touch with every class being a different background
- You little matchmaker
- “Less Questions, More Silence” - said no teacher ever haha XD
Final Thoughts | Once in a Blue Moon by Irene
I saw that yours was part of the OV (Own Voices) contest and was going to jump yours to the top of the list but I realized the contest ended in mid-July, but the 3-6 week mark where the winners are announced, started and I figured it would have been posted pretty soon but -alas- they must have a lot of entries this year. Nevertheless, thank you for your patience.
You wanted me to focus on flow and characters, and I think both are outstanding - especially the characters. One of my favorite stories of all time had similar characters (and also in INK so you can do the funny animations) where the group of friends was sassy, genuine, funny, kind, and adorable when together - as well as being very defined when apart. I think your flow is good as well, I’ve read some stories where the characters/plot is great, but the episode and scenes drag on. On the other hand, I’ve also read stories where the episodes are extremely short but had a good pace going. I think your story has a good balance, where the reader is engaged and entertained but the episodes aren’t dragging on for comedic/silly effect.
If I had to guess, I think you’d be near full points on the grading criteria. Where you would have lost some is the ‘choices’ section of the grading, since you didn’t include any choices. If you aren’t sure what I’m talking about, here is the link to the grading criteria.
Thank you and keep up the great work!
P.S. :
Definitely, the dialog had me thinking back to this meme in Episode 2.
Edit : I see the contest winners have also been posted
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That’s okay. I see what you mean, it kind of breaks the fourth wall (which is kind of where the characters know they’re in a story, things like that.)
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OMG THE MEME- 
Thank you so much for reading! And thank you for the kind feedback, it really means a ton! 
Aster is a dumb-ss, but he’s our dumb-ss. 
Lol, that line was basically just to emphasize that Aster and Wren have allegedly hated each other ever since they met, like natural-born rivals. Allegedly. ; )
Another day, another slay.
Thank god they added it lmao, I remember back when I couldn’t add those special characters in past coding scripts.
I’m so glad that the characters were a highlight for you; it was so fun coding their dynamics and creating their personalities!
I actually started developing the story before I realized a contest was going on, but decided to enter on a whim since the story would’ve been heavily focused around AAPI representation either way. I was aware of the criteria/rubric, but decided to not include choices anyway because I prefer reading/writing more cinematic and plot-driven stories rather than customization/interactive ones. It probably did end up hurting my story’s grade, but I was okay with that since my ultimate goal wasn’t exactly to win but rather to finally publish a story I was proud of, as well as to contribute another AAPI story to the platform! : ) Writing in ink rather than limelight probably didn’t help either but eh, ink just slays lol.
Once again, thank you for taking the time to write all of this! And congrats to all the winners and authors of the OV contest!
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No problem
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