I just read the pilot of your story, so here’s some honest feedback that you asked for
The premise is pretty intriguing, and from the first episode, I really wanted to find out where Kaia had vanished. You did a great job of hooking me! One criticism I do have is that there should be more suspenseful buildup to that scene, in my opinion.
For the Character Customization in the beginning, this is more of my personal tastes… but I find it takes away from the story to customize the characters all in one scene. I prefer the customization to smoothly transition throughout the events of the story (for example, when you first meet a character, you then have the option to customize, opposed to customizing the main cast at the beginning). You definitely don’t have to change this though, this is just my opinion
The character introductions at the party also took away from the story. The point of episodes are to show more, and not tell. However, if you prefer putting more narration into these introductions, find a more creative way to introduce important figures to the story, instead of “this character’s name is name. He/she is insert relationship to MC
The directing was pretty solid; there were a few mistakes, but none that seriously took away from the quality of the story. I just noticed a possible zoom error during the convo between the MC and Xana, and the MC being at the wrong layer when she woke up on the bed with Ash. All in all, great job with directing! I liked the background characters, especially in the high school.
Probably my biggest criticism with the pilot was the consisten grammar errors. They aren’t too drastic— the sentence structures used in your dialogue are correct, however, there are constantly spots where commas are supposed to go; I also noticed that sometimes there are end marks missing at the end of a sentence. I haven’t read the other episodes, so I don’t know if the grammar errors will continue, but maybe just get someone to proofread your story. I know how hard writing episodes are, so getting a second pair of eyes to help you will definitely make the writing process easier, especially if you struggle with grammar.
Overall, the pilot was a great start to this story, and I’m definitely hooked! I really want to see what happens to these eight characters. I love mystery stories, so I trust that there will be a lot more exciting plot twists in the future. Keep writing, this is a great premise!