Let's Learn from Each Other's Stories!

[writingwithjade]

Hello, Episode community!

Considering that many of us have several issues with several stories in Episode, I thought with the help of @amberose we could all discuss how to improve on our stories.

How can we do that?

By observing the mistakes made by others so that we could avoid them.

How do we observe these so-called mistakes?

Well, that’s where I come in! You can apply below to have your story reviewed by me, and I’ll say my piece of advice and open it up to the community on their opinions as well. I don’t have to be the only one reviewing your story, but if no one else wants to comment then that’s fine!

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YOU CAN JOIN IN ON THE FUN, TOO!

Yes, this is optional. You can always just scroll through the thread for the advice!

Have you ever been bored and need new stories to read?
Do you enjoy helping others with their writing skills?

Well, maybe reviewing stories is the job for you!
You can choose a submitted story to review, your choice! Reply to the author’s submission form or tag the author so that they can read your review!

You don’t have to read the entire story unless you really enjoy it. 2-3 episodes should be good enough to form a solid opinion on it.

If you choose to talk about a story, please mention the author’s name and story title so that we know which story you’re talking about.

Here is a basic form that a community member can fill out when reviewing a story:

• What can this author improve on regarding dialogue?
• Rating of the story out of -10/10. Explain your reason.
• If the author is writing about triggering topics such as mental illness, abuse, or other topics. What could they have improved on? Are they properly discussing this issue? If inapplicable, just write N/A below.
• Overall, what was your impression from the story from the cover and description alone? Would you have read it if it wasn’t for the thread? Would you continue to read the story? Why or why not?
• Cliche rating! Does this story have cliches? How many could you spot? Do they work well with the plot or is it too much?
• Are the characters flat and boring? Explain.
• Praise! Every author needs a little bit of encouragement. What did you find likable about the story, the characters?

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APPLICATION FORM

APPLY HERE

Story title:
Cover (optional):
Author Name:
Genre:
Description:
What would you like us to focus on?

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STORY ADVICE

First off, I highly recommend looking at Cookie’s Tips and Tricks thread! Her advice is spectacular and I enjoy looking through every so often. Not gonna lie, she’s inspired me to make this. Thanks, Cookie!

Tips, tricks & discussions: How to make your story better

[banner] Hey there! As I started doing story reviews I noticed that a lot of writers often make the same mistakes. In this thread, I would like to pay attention to these mistakes. Some of them are for new authors, some of them could be used by more experienced. Please note, that some of these points are clearly subjective, but still, maybe you will find them useful. Links to my comments. 1st Part of Tips & Tricks - Directing Part 1 2nd Part of Tips & Tricks - Directing Part 2 3rd Part…

Secondly, some of these tips are based on my own opinions! You may not agree with everything I’m going to say.

Jade's Advice

1. Adding in “diversity, POC” into your description is not going to give you brownie points for being inclusive or diverse. Most stories I’ve seen with this in the description have very bland, one-dimensional POC characters who are POC just to be POC. No seasoning, no flavor, nothing. You may think of diversity as skin color, but diversity isn’t only race. It can also relate to flaws, mental and physical disabilities, personality, and more. Now, I’m not advocating for authors to put in disabilities and mental illnesses to “spice up” their stories, but I want more people to realize that diversity is more than just skin-deep. Try creating complex backgrounds for your main characters! I assure you, your story is always getting better.
2. Outlining your plot. I made a mistake on this for Echo Creek. Now, I know better. Outlining your stories, characters’ personalities and backstories, and worldbuilding make a huge difference. People will notice the extra effort you put into your world! This is optional, but it’s something I enjoy to do nowadays. Makes my stories spicy.
3. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen this problem in Episode stories… so much that I personally don’t read many Episode stories anymore. The lack of sensitivity for difficult topics, such as abuse, sexual assault, and just generally traumatizing subjects amazes me. Honestly, amazing. Please do your research if you decide to write a story based on any of these topics, or if you plan on writing a character going through these types of personal struggles. Do research on research and do it again. Have beta-readers read over your story and see if you approached the issue correctly.

ADDING MORE ADVICE AT A LATER TIME.

Author's Side Note

Yes, I have written 1/3 of a story and then stopped because of some of these issues. I do plan on continuing Echo Creek if anyone’s curious. I don’t like how it turned out and I think it’s cringy so I’m revamping it.

Am I working on other stories? Why, yes, thanks for asking. I am. So thanks for willingly asking me that. Totally didn’t just add this in just to say I’m writing a new story.

I’m constantly improving as well, so please, don’t think of me as a pretentious jerk when I give out my reviews. It’s all for the common good in the end! Better writers, happier community members.

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STORIES TO BE REVIEWED

Story List

1. She Knows Best by @BEEBS07
2. The Key Holder by @Goji
3. Blind to Blood by @Uglygh0stt
4. Motherly by @Drama_club25
5. I made the devil cry by @Vendula
6. Ring Of Life by @Emma_episode_03
7. The Precarious Betrayal by @Queen20
8. A Different Path by @alwaysauthor
9. Breaking Boundaries by @Faith.episode.cats
10. Queer: Daisy by @Bertha
11. Striving for my Happy Ending by @mitsuki.writes
12. 1 Million Dares by @Carnahae
13. The Interview by @Hazeo

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PREVIOUSLY REVIEWED STORIES

1. @Samii - Undercover Hunter
2. @Fettuccine - Viral
3. @Bertha - Between me and the sea
4. Snapshot by @Phoenix_11037

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RULES

1. This is a thread on what we as authors can do to improve on our writing, coding, spot directing, dialogue, and more. This is NOT a place to speak down upon others’ writing. This is a place of upliftment. No matter how poor or good your writing is, you can always improve!
2. Don’t make snide comments on other’s writing. Again, this is a place to help people improve. Some will be better than others. Some will be…worse than others. As long as you enjoy what you do, it’s all Gucci.
3. Don’t go off-topic. That’s just annoying and distracting from the purpose of the thread.
4. This is not some R4R. DO NOT DO THAT HERE THERE ARE THREADS FOR THAT.
5. When applying to have me “review” a story, do NOT submit other people’s work. I repeat, do NOT submit other people’s work! Now, if you’d like us to discuss a featured Episode story, we can all vote on which one we’d all like to talk about.
6. If you do not agree with my tips, tricks, advice, etc. Do not try and start up some petty little argument. It will not last. We can always respectfully disagree and still enjoy each other’s company.
7. Constructive criticism is a YES! As an author, you’ll get people who love reading your work or hate seeing it. No matter what, you’ll get criticism from both sides. Whether it’s constructive or not. So it’s best to get help here! From your friendly, neighborhood Jade.

– SIDE NOTE: Don’t get angry when I try to help you out. I’ve noticed a lot of Episode authors cannot handle some slight criticism. If you ask for help, don’t get upset when it’s not all praise. Trust me, I’ll find something wrong. No matter how good your story is, there’s always room for improvement.

Overall, this thread is for everyone to benefit from and continue to improve as writers. Have fun discussing!

[Samii]

So I guess I go first. This is my story.
Story title Undercover Hunter
Author name samii_stories
Genre fantasy
Description During your trip to Hawaii, it turns out that your whole life was a lie. Choose between Boys/Girls, grab your weapon and fight in this new, dangerous world!
What would you like us to focus: anything will be helpful.
Link http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6364385352286208

[writingwithjade]

STORY REVIEWED - Undercover Hunter by @Samii

Description: During your trip to Hawaii, it turns out that your whole life was a lie. Choose between Boys/Girls, grab your weapon and fight in this new, dangerous world!

Episodes read: 3

Below, anyone can reply to this review to continue the discussion on Samii’s story. You can give advice,

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JADE’S ADVICE

This advice can be applied to the author’s story and your very own story!

GRAMMAR:

“You’ve got that powers, too!”

This line this spoken by the MC’s love interest in chapter two. When you’re writing a story, it’s always important to use correct grammar! Here’s the proper way to have written that line:

"You have those powers, too!

When using an identifier, “that” is usually used to describe singular objects, ideas, and emotions. “Those” “these” are the plural version of “this”. Which means those two words are used to describe several words.

It’s good to pay attention to little mistakes like those. They add up really quickly.
Also pay attention to all grammar mistakes. If English is not your first language or you just struggle with spelling then you could always get a proofreader. There are tons of friendly people here willing to help.

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DIALOGUE:

A lot of the dialogue in the story was flat. While it continued the story forward, it wasn’t too interesting and a lot of the times, the characters revealed too much information.

Dialogue is meant to allow characters to communicate while moving the story onward. It can be an extremely effective way of displaying a character’s emotions, personalities, and flaws. Unfortunately, it’s easy to mistakenly have characters continue talking about meaningless things.
For example, the weather. Unless the weather is important to the plot, then it’s better off to skip it. Of course, there are cases where small talk is needed to make the dialogue feel more natural. If that’s the case, then you can add in the small talk.

When writing on Episode, it’s important to keep the speech bubbles to a short or medium length. Reading a long speech bubble can turn a reader off and can be really annoying to read. Plus, tapping on the screen more can make the story feel slightly more interactive–even if there are barely any choices.

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DESCRIPTION:

For Samii’s story, her description was:

During your trip to Hawaii, it turns out that your whole life was a lie. Choose between Boys/Girls, grab your weapon and fight in this new, dangerous world!

Even though this description isn’t bad, it could be a lot more intriguing. When writing a description you need to hook the audience in. Give a tempting amount of information, while avoiding giving away the climax and/or ending of the story.

Spoiler Alert: In Samii’s story, the MC learns that she is the descendant of angels and must find her parents while dealing with two troubling mythical beings. I’m going to be implementing this information into the examples below.

Here are some examples of better descriptions for Undercover Hunter:

• #1 - Angels, demons, and wizards are all apart of enchanting tales whispered by parents at their children’s bedside. But what happens when those made-up stories aren’t so made-up after all?

• #2 - You thought you died. At least, it felt like it. Binge drinking at parties is a serious issue. But you only had one drink; causing you to hallucinate and see demons. At least you think it was a hallucination. Demons don’t exist… right?

These two examples both include a hook to reel in readers while relating to the plot. While you don’t have to follow my advice, it’s important to use hooks to pique the reader’s interest. If you go straight into the story, the reader will become disinterested and skip over your story.

Be aware that even if you have a nice description, a reader can still skip over your story because they’re just not interested. Also, you can write a description completely different from my examples and still have it be a good teaser.

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SCENE TRANSITIONING:

In Samii’s story, oftentimes the transition from scene to scene can be quite abrupt. For example, when Nicolas, the MC’s love interest, was being introduced, it randomly switched from a scene where she was reflecting on her stay in Hawaii. It switched from reflection to the MC walking in a public area, bumping into the “air” and then realizing it’s a fairy.

A couple of issues with this switch:

• There was no reference of time passed. Apparently, the MC had been in Hawaii for a decent period of time when she ran into Nicolas. This can be confusing since I had absolutely no idea what was happening, why, and how.
• When Nicolas revealed himself to the MC, the MC had acted as if she’d known him forever and called him annoying. Have they met before? If so, the reader (me), had absolutely no idea what was going on afterward.

This same issue occurred repeatedly throughout the story. Make sure to properly switch scenes by letting the reader know how much time has passed. If you plan to pass a decent amount of time but want to keep it short, you can add a small scene that represents the passage of time and showing what characters do. You don’t even need dialogue!

You can find examples by reading stories, watching films, or reading Episode stories. (I recommend looking at Episode’s community stories).

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CHARACTERS PERSONALITY:

Many of the characters almost act in the same way.

Let’s look at Samii’s reoccurring characters, shall we?

MC: If you’ve ever watched the show Winx Club as a kid then you should remember the main character, Bloom. Bloom is the blandest character on the show. While managing to have the entire show revolve (mostly) around her, she has no flavor. The MC in this story is just like Bloom. No like likes a Bloom.

Also, when the MC was VERY CLEARLY told to be careful of the wizard’s tricks (this is in chapter three, by the way) and guess what she did. Yeah. She fell her the wizard’s trick, even when it was very obviously a trick. C’mon MC, keep up with the pace.

LI (tall, dark, and handsome): This character is passive-aggressive, moody, protective, quiet, and forceful. But hey, they’re hot so it must be okay, right?

This LI forces the MC to drink a potion, although unknown to the MC at the time and makes her think that she’s been drugged. Not only that, but the LI acts as if the MC is stupid and never explains what they’re thinking. Not to mention the LI tries to act dark and mysterious but fails and ends up being portrayed as a silent, condescending jerk.
The one time the LI isn’t continuously doing (talk_neutral) is when the MC mentions Nicolas. To which the LI angrily shouts how much they hate Nicolas.
Not to mention that in one scene, the LI shows off their powers to show the MC that they aren’t to be messed with and mind-controlled her into taking off her shirt. If you find this to be concerning then… I don’t know what to tell you.

Yet even with all of this, the LI manages to act very similarly to the MC. Perhaps it’s the dialogue that makes it seem this way.

Nicolas (the LI fairy): I actually was interested in Nicolas. He wasn’t a stereotypical hot LI that steals the MC’s heart away. He has a sweet, boyish charm that added a breath of fresh air in the story. He could be a little irritating to the MC at times, but I feel as though it adds more character to Nicolas. The story did mention that fairies were more mischievous and loved to have fun. Nicolas represents that in a way. Although, Nicolas is the second-most powerful fairy in the world after the queen… shouldn’t he be much busier?

Kiara + Ethan: Kiara loves to party and Ethan is just kind of there. Kiara is a long-time childhood friend of the MC. Kiara and Ethan like each other. Kiara and Ethan leave soon after the MC is kidnapped. Let’s just say that Kiara and Ethan aren’t very important to the story. It’s very clear that they aren’t.
Even though they aren’t very important to the story, it’s still important to add personality to these types of characters, to give them layers.

Maureen: She’s the LI jealous, lover. When the MC enters the same room as her, Maureen automatically glares at the MC and basically hisses at her. She has no other reason to hate the MC other than the fact that she’s residing in the LI’s house. She blatantly told the MC how much she hated her. She’s obviously jealous.

Most of these issues can be avoided by creating multi-dimensional characters with flawed personalities and interesting backgrounds. There are multiple resources for assisting you with this.issue. There are even resources on the forums! Again, I highly recommend looking through Cookie’s Episode writing tips and tricks.

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NARRATION:

Sometimes, the MC’s narration can reveal what’s to come. Rather than writing out what’s going to happen, try to show it instead. Episode is a visual app, and showing what’s going to happen adds a greater surprise effect. It’s extremely effective for storytelling.

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Overall, I think you have much to improve on! We all do, haha! Good job so far and keep up the good work!

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WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM THIS STORY?

• When writing a story, it’s important to correct your spelling and grammar before publishing. If you need help, you can have a proofreader to assist you with your English issues.
• Don’t overdo it with the dialogue. Trust me, if you have your characters just go on and on, then it’ll get tiring quickly.
• When writing a teaser/description, always add an intriguing hook so that it piques the reader’s interest.
• When transitioning from scene to scene it’s essential to let the reader know what’s going on. If you abruptly begin a scene one after another then the viewer will become confused and lost. They don’t know what you, the author, are trying to explain in your writing.
• When writing characters, having personalities, flaws, and backgrounds for them makes a huge difference. There are several resources you can access for free that can assist you with writing characters. I suggest looking on the forums to begin with.
• Over-narrating a story can cause an interesting story to quickly become boring. Since Episode’s a visual app, try showing instead of telling. This tip may not apply to Spotlight stories as they usually contain a decent amount of narration to make up for the lack of full-body characters.

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I hope this advice helped both the author and other community members reading this. Check out this story and tell me what you think!

[writingwithjade]

bump!

[Fettuccine]

Hi! This is a very useful thread, thank you!
Here’s my story:
Story title: Viral
Cover (optional):

(Large cover still being approved, but it’s going to be the same)
Author Name: Fettuccine
Genre: Mystery
Description: After a pandemic mysteriously displaces you and your friends’ parents, you determinedly seek them out - only to discover their disappearances were just the beginning…
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4518230484647936
What would you like us to focus on? Everything, really!

Thank you!

[writingwithjade]

I’d just like to apologize for the wait! I’m studying for exams at the moment, so the review will come a bit later. Don’t worry, I’m reading through the first three chapters!

[Fettuccine]

That’s no problem at all, good luck with your exams! I hope they go well!

[Bertha]

Thanks a lot for doing this, it helps a lot!!!
Story title: Between me and the sea
Cover (optional):

Author Name: Bertha
Genre: Mystery
Description: This story narrates how Ana’s little brother Matthew was drowned to death during their parent’s wedding. Even though everybody was present in the crime scene, nobody saw anything. The police closed the case considering it a suicide or just an accident. Ana dosen’t buy it, so she’ll try to find clues by herself. Things get complicated when Ana becomes the first suspects of a private investigator her parents hired. Fin love, find clues, and, find the responsible.
What would you like us to focus on?
I really want to know if the story catches the attention since the first episode. I personally think it’s very interesting but I need a few episodes to set the mood and people may get bored. Also, I would like to know if the length of the episodes it’s okay. And general things like if my directing is good, if the characters are well build…

[writingwithjade]

Thank you!

[Phoenix_11037]

Story Title: Undercover Hunter
Author: @Samii

I’m checking the story out right now, and here are my observations so far. I’m not sure if this how we’re supposed to structure the reviews, but I’ll try my best.
Chapters read: 3

Description

First impressions

When I first saw the description, I was confused about the premise of the story. The exact part that made me confused was the “fight in this new, dangerous world!”. At first glance, it makes me think of a zombie apocalypse story, and not a story involving angels and demons. I also feel like the description might ruin the surprise/reveal of the MC’s life being a whole entire lie for some people.

I think Jade gave good examples of more intriguing descriptions that lets you have a sneak peek into the world of Undercover Hunter. Try to come up with something that hooks the reader in, but doesn’t reveal too much about the story or the story’s biggest twists and reveals.

I probably wouldn’t have read the story because the description and cover felt unclear. For your description, you could put in parantheses “CC; LL” to let reader’s know about the features in your story.

Introduction

Thoughts

When I started chapter 1, I felt slightly confused we were starting to customize the LIs. I kept them the same for the sake of time, so I could just jump right in. I got a little confused when it transitioned from the first LI to the second one because we weren’t able to name them. It might be good if you let the reader know the name of the second LI.

The introduction about the demons didn’t feel interesting to me because it felt like more tell than show. You could try to implement a scene of the MC hunting a demon.

A person could be chased by a demon, trying to escape until they get backed into an alleyway by the demon. Just about when the demon attacks, they get vanquished by the MC. The MC could leave the scene, and then has a monologue of her being determined to slay every last demon if she has to.

You could also put warning splashes just in case to warn readers ahead of time about the events that occur in the story. For example, the weird garden scene made me so confused, and even with the narration of the future MC, it felt off and weird. It looks like she willingly takes it and doesn’t feel like her sense of free will was taken control of by the wizard.

Transitions

Thoughts

When you’re trying to transition a scene into the next one, make sure to fade out the music before, so it doesn’t abruptly stop the flow.

You can do this by using commands like volume music 0 2000 or volume sound 0 2000. It helps. The flashes of white felt jarring at times, and I started growing more and more confused as soon as the first flashback happened.

Directing

Thoughts

There were some layering issues, characters sometimes didn’t walk, or they were still in a different animation from what they’re supposed to be in the current moment. There’s some consistency issues that don’t make the scenes flow so well.

The speech bubbles sometimes don’t align with the character who is speaking. At the end of the first episode, the scene transitions made it harder to get immense into the storyline, and it felt like it ended too quickly.

Dialogue

Thoughts

The dialogue felt flat at times, and it was slightly long. It didn’t give any real clues into the characters’ personality, and there were grammatical errors or wrong word usage. For example, during the garden scene in episode 1, MC says dragged instead of drugged. These mistakes persisted throughout the episode. A lot of information is revealed through dialogue when it can be easily shown through directing and visual storytelling.

It just felt like there was no distinct personality based on the dialogue. You can do this through your syntax. Some characters might ask more questions because they seek knowledge, some characters might prefer to keep their sentences short and sweet to get their point across, and some characters might like to say whatever is on their mind. You can show this through the use of more exclamation points, question marks, and sentence lengths to give a character a more distinct attitude that differs from others in the story.

Characters

Thoughts

MC - She has a lot going on in her life, but it’s like there’s nothing going on with her. She has stuff going for her, but there’s no real motivation except for her parents. That’s a decent motivation, but MC feels gullible at times, making it frustrating to connect with her entirely.

Best Friends - There’s nothing that can be really said about the best friends since they seem like they probably won’t be mentioned that much in the story. Kiara and MC’s friendship feels kind of superficial at times. There’s no real reason to really root for the development of Kiara and Ethan possibly having a romantic relationship because there’s no real buildup. It kind of came out of nowhere.

Maureen - Maureen doesn’t feel like a character for me because it seems like her default emotions is hatred for MC and love/lust for LI. There’s no real reason for her to dislike MC that much except for jealousy, and that makes her kind of superificial. She seems like she’s capable as a fighter based on how LI has her go with MC, who’s not entirely trained. She just feels like she’s there for the sort of superifical conflict scenes with no depth or motives except for a guy that’s hunky.

Nicolas - Probably the best character so far in the story. He genuinely feels like an actual character. He’s like a breath of fresh air who likes to mess with people. I don’t really have that much to comment on him because I feel like there hasn’t been all that much screen time with him. Since he’s the second most powerful fairy, I have a feeling he’s going to become the ruler of Fairy Land.

LI - I don’t like the LI because he just seems kind of problematic. Like some of the stuff he did throughout the three chapters made me want to say wtf. He forces her to drink something, making her think he drugged her. Then he mind controls her to take off her shirt as a way to show his “sense of humor”. I don’t know what motivates him or makes him who he is except for the fact he has a bunch of powers, and the demons are afraid of him. He’s also the information dump character who gives all the information in the world because he can.

Extra notes

Extras

• The premise is promising. I like the rules and boundaries of Fairy Land because it adds more depth to the world, and it helps produce potential theories about what might happen later in the story.
• Try to slow down the pace because a lot happens within each episode, making it harder to remember or focus on some things.
• There’s a lot of narration, especially by future MC, that makes immersion into the story harder because we’re not living in the moment of the story. We’re basically hearing future MC recount all that’s happened to her, and there’s no real substance to her telling us about everything/

I hope this wasn’t too harsh.

[writingwithjade]

I personally don’t think you were too harsh and this formatting is a perfect example for future, potential reviewers. Nice job!

EDIT:

I also felt the same about Nicolas. Glad to see you felt the same way!

[Phoenix_11037]

Thank you!

It’s really nice how you’re providing feedback to writers and allowing others to give their own personal thoughts on a story. I find it to be a more refreshing type of thread that’s different from most promotion or R4R threads.

Do you accept unpublished stories?

P. S.

Because Nicolas is just that cool.

[writingwithjade]

Aww, thank you!

Yes, I do accept unpublished stories. Just place the link in the application form and I’ll be happy to check it out!

[writingwithjade]

STORY REVIEWED - Viral by @Fettuccine

Description: After a pandemic mysteriously displaces you and your friends’ parents, you determinedly seek them out - only to discover their disappearances were just the beginning…

Episodes read: 3

Below, anyone can reply to this review to continue the discussion on Fettuccine’s story. You can give advice, tips, or mention something that I forgot to discuss!

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JADE’S ADVICE

This advice can be applied to the author’s story and your very own story!

ZOOMS:

Throughout the story, you fail to zoom in on the characters who are speaking. Zooms help to enhance a story and clarify who is speaking.

Compare these two scenes:

See how zooms clarify who’s speaking?
Try implementing this into your story.

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CHARACTER POSITIONING:

In some scenes, the characters overlap each other and don’t give the reader a feeling of depth.

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I recommend looking at @Dara.Amarie’s spot direction advice!

https://www.dara-amarie.com/spot-direction

OR

@RudeInception’s Spot Direction Threads!

Spot Directing (Moving Characters Around)

Spot Walking (Walking w/Spot Direction)

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CHARACTER DIALOGUE:

Some characters’ speech bubbles aren’t truly facing those who are speaking. I think this mostly has to do with the fact that there aren’t proper zooms in the story.

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BACKGROUNDS:

In the first episode, it seems as if the background switches from day to night.

Be careful of this!

I still was aware that it was daytime, but the sudden time change can be confusing.

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ENDING EPISODES:

You end your episodes quite abruptly, it’s good to either have a cliffhanger ending the episode or a definite ending that you can still build upon.

Don’t forget to fade out! That gives readers a feeling that the episode is ending.

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WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM THIS STORY?

• Character development is key! Already within the story, you can see conflict, flaws, and issues between other characters. This is important. Not every character is going to get along with each other, sometimes because of their flaws or internal issues. Be sure to thoroughly develop your characters’ personalities and backstories.
• Plot holes. Be careful of these.

SPOILER ALERT: In this story, the pandemic causes schools to close. For some odd reason, the main characters don’t choose to hide out at home or in a building, they stay… in the forest. The author doesn’t mention where specifically they’re sleeping, but they’re definitely in the woods.

Fettuccine’s story includes a large plot and doesn’t mention it later on in the story. Plot holes can be confusing to the reader, so be sure to plan out what happens beforehand in the story and to explain it clearly to the reader.

• Be careful of incorrect spot directing as it can ruin the viewer’s perception of depth.
  *When trying to end an episode, try to look from the reader’s perspective.
  “Would I want to continue this story?” “Is this cliffhanger juicy enough?”
  Other questions like these can help you as an author to write intriguing endings.
• Issues with speech bubbles, backgrounds, and zooms can add up and cause a reader to become irritated and leave the story. Whether the plot is good or not, an author needs to be careful of everything when writing an Episode story.
• Choices! Choices, choices, and more choices. Choices help to immerse the reader into your world. It’s not necessary to add choices to make a good story, but if you decide to add in choices to your story, make them COUNT!!

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Overall, I really enjoyed this story. Once you update the story with better zooms, this story really will be top-notch! Awesome character development, Fettuccine!

I hope this advice helped both the author and other community members reading this. Check out this story and tell me what you think!

[Fettuccine]

Hi, thank you so much for you advice! I just have a couple of things:
Zooms & dialogue: I didn’t realise zooming could be so important to the reader experience/affects speech bubble positioning, I’ll have to go back and tweak that
Character positioning: I’m not sure what you mean about characters overlapping, would you mind elaborating on that?
Background: I was really annoyed by that too - unfortunately, episode only has a night setting for the background of being behind the bushes and I don’t know where to find a high quality background to replace it
Ending episodes: I definitely agree that episode 1’s ending is more abrupt than the others and could use a little work.

The plot hole: I actually noticed this as I was bug fixing! I drafted a flashback episode (planned to be episode 6) to explain it, but your review’s made me think I should move the explanation to episode 1!

Anyway, thank you for your review, it was really helpful and I can’t thank you enough!

[writingwithjade]

Of course, I’m glad it helped!

For the character positioning, I can’t exactly remember where I noticed this issue. I’ll have to reread the chapters to see where I saw it. I recommend you look through your script once or twice just to make sure I wasn’t making false claims.

Relating to backgrounds, the forums is a great resource. Tons of artists are willing to assist you with background problems, whether you need a night background turned into a day background and more! All you have to do is ask!

Also, I’m glad you’re working on the plot hole. Excited to see what you’re coming up with next!

[Fettuccine]

Thank you for your help! I’ll get on the background right away haha

[Phoenix_11037]

Story title: Snapshot (Episode 1 and 2 is finished)
Author Name: Novialia
Genre: Mystery
Description: When a member of Blood Rage dies, the remaining players must solve the mystery while surviving the traps laid out by the show. Will you find out the truth or suffer the consequences?
What would you like us to focus on? Everything, especially the chapter length.
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5616817680875520

[BEEBS07]

Hello Jade,

This thread is a really good idea, I understand that there my be a wait for a review, But if anyone is comfortable reviewing my story and possibly telling me how I can correct it, I would really appreciate that

Here`s mine:

Title: She Knows Best (Formally known previously as Mum knows best)

Description: Brainwashed teenager nicola has suffered from years of abuse at the hands of her mother will she be able to find a way out? Contains violence, self harm + CC choices matter tappable choices

Style: Ink

Genre: Drama

credit to zoe.x_art on insta

The Best Stories Are Worth Sharing: She knows best [COMPLETE]

[Phoenix_11037]

Story Title: Viral
Author: @Fettuccine
Description

First Impressions

I like the description because it gives this feeling of suspense and gives a clear picture into what type of situation the characters are in.

Introduction

Thoughts

The introduction looks pretty good. Make sure the characters use talking animations where they’re talking. If they don’t speak during that particular part of the scene, make them do another animation while the other person speaks. I notice it a lot with Athena doing a talking animation while MC talked.

JemU776 has these awesome tips that help a lot, especially with making scenes even more smooth.
⭐ TIP: Having A Smoother Scene ⭐

I like how things went straight into action with the choice of whether or not to approach the student. It looks awesome so far.

Transitions

Thoughts

The transitions were smooth for the most part, and things felt fluid. You could incorporate more of the transitions available if you want, but it looks pretty good.

Directing

Thoughts

I noticed characters sometimes zooming to their locations/spots. For example, in the supermarket/store, it looked like MC just zoomed over to the first aisle she was scavenging in. You could have her get to spot in a set amount of time like 3 to 5 seconds. I also noticed something weird, but it might be something on my end probably involving the knife. Try to make sure characters don’t pop into the scene. I noticed this with only one scene in I believe episode 2 where MC and Devin talk before going over to the others. I noticed Levi popped in, and his arm was showing on the side.

Spot directing will be your friend.

Dialogue

Thoughts

I like the flow of the dialogue. My only gripes is with the speech bubble placements.

Characters

Thoughts

MC - I find myself liking the MC because she has motivations, and it feels like the reader is able to shape her personality. I understand why she’s worried about her parents, and it’s clear that she’s desperate to find them because she’s always trying to reach them.

Devin - He seems very pragamatic and mature, but for some reason, I find myself not trusting him. Like I trust him, but I wonder if he’s all too worried about how the group functions. If anybody were to betray the group, he’s my number 1 suspect.

Kashvi - I get this sort of gullible vibe from her. When she was wondering why MC was outside, I started questioning why she was outside, and I felt like just asking her the same question back. She seems more idealistic than pragamatic since she thinks that having a bigger group will be better. I see the benefits, but it also might make things more dangerous.

Ava - She also seems very pragamatic and takes no nonsense. At first I didn’t trust all that much, but I trust her more. It’s pretty cool how she was studying physics and enjoyed learning more about space before the pandemic.

Levi - He’s very chiil and has a relaxed approach. I think he’s very cool, but he does seem like he’s irresponsible at times. I think he has his heart in the right place, but I’m not sure how he would react to some things.

Extra notes

Extras

• I messed up like two playthroughs, so my third playthrough is going to be my definitive playthrough now. Those timed choices got the best of me a lot of times lol.
• When I had MC stay behind, I started realizing something. When I saw her, Ava, and Devin’s outfits, I started thinking of Powerpuff Girls based on their outfits colors. MC kind of has that reddish top, and she acts like the leader, so she’s Blossom. Devin is Buttercup because of his green jacket, and Ava is Bubbles because of the shirt tied around her waist being blue.
• I like the premise, and the choices made throughout the story will matter in the future.