Story Title: Viral
Author: @Fettuccine
Description
First Impressions
I like the description because it gives this feeling of suspense and gives a clear picture into what type of situation the characters are in.
Introduction
Thoughts
The introduction looks pretty good. Make sure the characters use talking animations where they’re talking. If they don’t speak during that particular part of the scene, make them do another animation while the other person speaks. I notice it a lot with Athena doing a talking animation while MC talked.
JemU776 has these awesome tips that help a lot, especially with making scenes even more smooth.
⭐ TIP: Having A Smoother Scene ⭐
I like how things went straight into action with the choice of whether or not to approach the student. It looks awesome so far.
Transitions
Thoughts
The transitions were smooth for the most part, and things felt fluid. You could incorporate more of the transitions available if you want, but it looks pretty good.
Directing
Thoughts
I noticed characters sometimes zooming to their locations/spots. For example, in the supermarket/store, it looked like MC just zoomed over to the first aisle she was scavenging in. You could have her get to spot in a set amount of time like 3 to 5 seconds. I also noticed something weird, but it might be something on my end probably involving the knife. Try to make sure characters don’t pop into the scene. I noticed this with only one scene in I believe episode 2 where MC and Devin talk before going over to the others. I noticed Levi popped in, and his arm was showing on the side.
Spot directing will be your friend.
Dialogue
Thoughts
I like the flow of the dialogue. My only gripes is with the speech bubble placements.
Characters
Thoughts
MC - I find myself liking the MC because she has motivations, and it feels like the reader is able to shape her personality. I understand why she’s worried about her parents, and it’s clear that she’s desperate to find them because she’s always trying to reach them.
Devin - He seems very pragamatic and mature, but for some reason, I find myself not trusting him. Like I trust him, but I wonder if he’s all too worried about how the group functions. If anybody were to betray the group, he’s my number 1 suspect.
Kashvi - I get this sort of gullible vibe from her. When she was wondering why MC was outside, I started questioning why she was outside, and I felt like just asking her the same question back. She seems more idealistic than pragamatic since she thinks that having a bigger group will be better. I see the benefits, but it also might make things more dangerous.
Ava - She also seems very pragamatic and takes no nonsense. At first I didn’t trust all that much, but I trust her more. It’s pretty cool how she was studying physics and enjoyed learning more about space before the pandemic.
Levi - He’s very chiil and has a relaxed approach. I think he’s very cool, but he does seem like he’s irresponsible at times. I think he has his heart in the right place, but I’m not sure how he would react to some things.
Extra notes
Extras
- I messed up like two playthroughs, so my third playthrough is going to be my definitive playthrough now. Those timed choices got the best of me a lot of times lol.
- When I had MC stay behind, I started realizing something. When I saw her, Ava, and Devin’s outfits, I started thinking of Powerpuff Girls based on their outfits colors. MC kind of has that reddish top, and she acts like the leader, so she’s Blossom. Devin is Buttercup because of his green jacket, and Ava is Bubbles because of the shirt tied around her waist being blue.
- I like the premise, and the choices made throughout the story will matter in the future.