Let's Talk.. Foster Stories

[AMagic]

So I believe we have all ran into a foster story with a girl that has foster parents that are addicted to drugs and beat her, I mean how could you not see it, it’s 98% of Foster stories, as this is true in real life, which is very sad. What’s your input on these stories?

Dear People Who Get Offended Easily, This was not meant to be disrespectful, I just want to know what is going through everybody else’s head.

I believe these stories show what is happening in the real world, which is great. But let’s be honest here, at the end some dude shapes the MC into a normal girl. As I don’t really have a problem with that, I want to know, what if she found herself on a journey to exploring the outside world? Or even had good foster parents?

What’s your thoughts on these stories?

[Epi_Info]

My opinion:

I think that these stories don’t show what kind of abuse really goes on, it’s always a drunken husband and a selfish wife. The husband hits or sexually abuses the MC. Yes that sadly does happen in real life and is horrible. But most of these stories only really go skin deep on how much abuse at this extent that would affect the MC. And not all abuse is physical. All I have to say is that a lot of these stories aren’t showing he different types of abuse. Which could easily let younger kids who shouldn’t even be on the app that abuse is only when someone hits you. And with the LI making the MC “normal” again- I can’t write how much that makes me annoyed.

You really read all that? Woah thanks.

[AMagic]

Did I really read all that? Yes, and I enjoyed reading every word.

[Epi_Info]

Thank you for reading that, it’s been a thing I’ve seen way too many times on Episode.

[line123462]

My best friends was in foster care. I have a lot friends in foster care. none of them are drug addicts. I kinda fell like some of those stories suck. yeah foster care suck for some. for others its a saveining.

[jazzysab13]

I agree! Not everyone has a terrible time in foster care. Some children actually find real parents that love and cherish them. On that note, I think some authors should show the good side of foster care, too!

If an author does want to write something about abusive parents, they shouldn’t just focus on physical abuse, as @Epi_Info said, because thats not the only type of abuse out there. Think of Cinderella, she grew up with her stepmother and step sisters verbally abusing her.

[Charming]

I’ve never been in a foster care system, nor have I met anybody who’s been involved with one, so it’s hard for me to be able to relate to the MCs in those stories. But, looking at it in reality, it seems very unsettling. I’d just want the foster care system parts in the stories to be created carefully, realistically, and seriously.

On another note, I don’t mean to go off topic or anything, but I really like these Let’s Talk… threads of yours.

[AMagic]

Thanks.

[Kalanie]

Foster stories on episode, as you said a good percentage of them show abuse but the fact is that it’s the same in every single story. It’s terrible that abuse does in fact happen in foster care, but not all the time. There’s this one kid who goes to my friends church and his mom runs the church and he was adopted but he says it’s one of the best things that has happened in his life. The point I’m getting at is that yes there are some foster parents who are abusive but it isn’t all of them, I fact some are pretty amazing. But going back to this in stories it’s the same old type of abusive parents and either the Mc as said getting physical or sexually abused, but they never show the mental affects that someone in that state would go though. So yes abuse happens in foster families in real life, but it also happens to kids in there biological families. But us as readers and authors want to see the mental affects of someone who has been abused. Who cares about the scars and cuts. How is this character feeling after all the abuse, how has there mental state changed? If your going to write a story and it includes abuse in the mc foster home don’t just tell us how they get abused tell how it affects them day to day.

[AMagic]

Well said

[Kalanie]

Thank you!

[LiaMina]

I don’t read stories about foster care for the same reason I don’t read stories about gangs, not because these narratives can’t be compelling, but because the people who write them don’t know what they’re talking about 90% of the time. A lot of writers seem to be under the impression that depicting abuse, addiction, rape, suicide, crime etc. is in and of itself realistic because these things occur in real life, they never bother with giving them the context they deserve which makes the plot points feel cheap and like the author is throwing around serious issues for the sake shock or drama. It’s all very empty and void of meaning or value.

[LiaMina]

I think most of the time people don’t know, understand, or look into the actual experiences of kids going through the foster care system, they see television and try to mimic something that is already unrealistic and amped up for drama. Aside from abuse just being in foster care carries its own damage whether your guardians are caring or not. Sometimes they’re not even directly abusive, they just don’t give a fuck, as long as you do what you’re told and the check comes at the end of the month they’ll house you and feed you, aside from that you’re pretty much on your own. I had a friend who was in and out for years because her parents were meth heads and they were constantly in and out of recovery. She and her siblings were separated on and off, she had to carry what little she had in garbage bags, she never knew where she was going, who was going to be taking care of her, if they would take care of her. They don’t explain anything to those kids, you could get a nice foster home, with guardians that care, and make friends and do well in school, then suddenly for no reason someone comes around to throw your shit in a garbage bag and takes you somewhere else without telling you why. Kids will always blame themselves even if it has nothing to do with them or the foster parents, they spend their lives asking why no one wants or loves them, they internalize everything bad that happens to them as something they deserve because they’re garbage and no one wants them, they develop severe emotional issues, they act out in school, eventually this can make them less desirable to foster families so they end up in even worse situations. Just being in foster care can be abuse by way of the state government. If someone could play out the intricacies of that dynamic I would be really interested to read that story.

[Hannahnevin]

I wrote a story idea when I was younger about a girl who was originally brought up with her siblings but taken away from them because the parents could not prove that the daughter was there and therefore she grew up in the care of people she didn’t know.

[Scarlet_Sapphire]

Basically everything I had to say here has already been covered in some way.

In general, it starts to become a cliche trope, just to generate drama, without addressing the complex psychology going on in the head of a child in foster care. The subtle ways that they react to the abuse (of all kinds, not just physical and sexual), neglect, and non-permanence (as LiaMina mentioned). It just becomes an excuse for the MC to be broken and for the LI to fix her. It’s not intentionally disrespectful to people who’ve gone through this, of course, it’s just a little lazy or cheap.

Not that all stories that cover foster care do it poorly, of course; Secret of Rain is one that breaks the pattern. While not outright mentioning any graphic abuse (not that I remember, anyway, it’s been a while) it shows how Rain is withdrawn and closed off to her foster parents right from the start, after all that time of moving around.

[Sydney_H]

Moved to Episode Fan Community since Community is for discussion of specific stories. Make sure to check out our Forum Tutorial for more info about where to correctly create topics, and feel to PM me if there are any questions.

[_haruka]

Not everyone has a terrible time in foster care. Yes, some do. And I’m not like pushing them aside or anything. I had a best friend when I was really little, and he was in a nice foster family. His original parents were alcoholics and would verbally abuse him. So he did go into a foster family, and they were really nice. I’ve not seen him for many years, because um, he did develop a crush on me and he controlled me and eventually hurt me, physically and verbally, but I do hope he’s doing okay.

The only type of abuse is not physical or sexual. I was verbally and sometimes physically abused, also neglected by my parents for many years. Sexually by someone else once. And these stories often don’t portray the abuse well, and they don’t show how the MC is affected. Maybe in the story, she stands up for herself, maybe she doesn’t, maybe she cries. But they don’t talk about the flashbacks, they don’t talk about how what people did to you stays with you for your entire life. They don’t talk about what people call you can define you and make up your entire identity. They don’t talk about how it affects your other relationships with other people, how it changes the way you see and interact with the world. Yeah, some people do recover. Some people have the strength and honestly, the luck, to have it not affect them as much as others. But all abuse, even if it’s just for a little while, even if it’s not that bad, it always wounds and always leaves a scar. Some of the scars fade, others don’t. Mine haven’t and probably never will.

And with physical/sexual abuse, yes, the punches and hits and scars and violation hurts. Obviously, I mean, why wouldn’t they? But often, it’s not them that’s the most painful, ya know? It’s the feeling of someone who is supposed to care for you and love you and protect you, it’s the feeling of those people betraying you and turning on you and hurting you.

Don’t put foster care as an excuse or a reason for the MC to be ‘broken’ so that the LI can fix her. I mean, you know what? A lot of people who have been abused struggle to maintain or even get into relationships because they’re so scared that it might happen all over again. But no, not in Episode stories! There’s just this one guy who she instantly falls for and trusts him with everything.

Anyway, I’m super late here but thanks for coming to my long ass ted talk

[BEEBS07]

I read a lot of stories on episode about abuse on episode.
And when I came to make my own story it wasnt perfect by the least. But in mine I put how my MC mother has a multiple personalities disorders and makes the MC believe that going into the care system she would be abused and sexual abuse everyday into scaring her to "stay in line" However further on the story the MC gets a best friend who goes into care and the foster parents change the best friends life and changes the MC look on fostering, I have someone close to me who went into care I dont know everything about care but I know what what foster parents do are awesome, There is some time though where you do see where the foster parents become abusive, But in Mine I wanted to put the horrible outlook that people have on them and also the goodness they bring. I also think that we need to bring up emotional abuse more. thats my outlook