Basically the title. Anyone who wants a completely honest review, come here! I’m only gonna do about 3-4 reviews so first come first served. I know there are other threads deadicated to this, but I’ll try to get all them done tonight as to not step on their toes and keep this thread continuing. Drop your story info below
(Only published stories please, I can’t figure out the link.)
my story is not published yet. and i only got chapter one finish comepletly. well i have not done speechbubbels yet. and i will first do that when i am done with all 3 chapters. so that i can look them over once more before i finish
chapter 2 is also kinda done. it is in a sate where it would be alright to published but i am not going for alright i am going for great (and i havent spell checkt yet)
genre: mystry, i think
description: She never knew her dad, but after her mom end’s in a coma, she decides to contact him. He was a criminal and she was undercover. They fell in love. Two stories in one.
Genre: Adventure/Fantasy/Comedy (If that makes sense) Title: Save Me, Hero! Author: Turtle Cat! Plot/Summary: After powerless Hero moves from a town where everyone has superpowers, she gets kidnapped by a group of fugitives who are forcing her to join them. What will she do? Style: Ink
This story has 4 episodes Cover:
My story is called Free Falling. I’m remastering it, and I want to know if there is anything I should focus on to change. My name is Hotel Hideaway, and it has been removed from my profile, but if you look up my name, it will be there.
If you are still accepting I would really appreciate it. Also if you have any story I’d be willing to review as well?
Title: Concordia Circus
episodes: 4 (cont.)
genre: adventure (historical)
A coming of age story set in 1870. This story follows the path of a young man embarking on a new chapter in life after the death of his twin brother.
Ok, so here’s my review. My overall rating is 7.5 out of 10. If I was a random reader I would continue the next few episodes. To be honest, I had to try very hard to find things wrong with the story, it was good!
•In the first scene, have the animations before the narration.
•Good use of the zooms when on the cover/splash.
•Narration “has great sites from beaches to great cafe shops.” Doesn’t make sense. Try “It has everything from beaches.” Then, “To great cafes.”
The rest were really fixable errors, mainly spelling.
•Try every resident, instead of every residence.
•Hero should say “This is gonna be great.”
•Her father should say “Your room is upstairs.”
•Some sentences are missing full stops.
•Don’t apologise for the time skip, it was refreshing as you don’t need to read every minute of the character’s lives.
•It was kinda slow paced. The whole first episode was just the two characters moving into the house. It was interesting to have little moments of backstory of the superpowers, and how Hero’s haven’t come in yet sets up a arc. But the first episode kinda dragged and not much really happened. Perhaps you could do a scene of the fugitives planning their plot or misbehaving? It would nicely contrast the safe and homely description of the town the narration conveyed in the opening scenes.
I’m sorry I don’t think I’ll be able to review your story due to the error with the link. It isn’t your fault, I’ve had to submit a help ticket because I think it may be a error with my account. Once it’s fixed I’ll definitely read it then!
Ok. As this is a harsh review, I don’t want to offend anyone, but the episode wasn’t really good. I’d give it about 4 out of 10. I’m not saying I disliked it, it just could do with some work.
•You don’t really need all the narration at the beginning explaining about not being able to customise your sister and that you will soon meet them love interest. You could say. “You will play as Caoimhe. You will be able able to customise her, your bother and your parents.”
•Don’t say that the father will not be in the story much, just say pay close attention to your father.
•Don’t need to say that you will play as multiple POV, just delete this bit and the bit about focusing on Caoimhe.
•Some full stops are missing from the end of sentences, go through and make sure they are there.
•VERY short episode. I think a good length is between 700-1000 lines.
•Overall, not much happened. The mc came home and her brother either told her or didn’t tell her he was gay. Add more to the episode, perhaps show the mc at school and how some scenes with her brother debating telling her he is gay.
Your story has a lot of potential! I read the description and the plot seemed really interesting. Pm me and I can give you more detailed advice if you want it!
Overall I would say your story is very good, I would rate it 8.5 out of 10. I would enjoy reading the next few episodes.
•In the first scene, the two people are walking on the spot. Try @CHARACTER walks to spot 1 2 3 in 0.
•Some full stops missing from ends of sentences.
•Have Caleb’s customisation at the beginning of the episode, I was confused to who I was playing as, as I read the description thinking Caleb, then followed the mum for the first half of the episode.
•Really good display of grief, it evokes sympathy as you see how the parents are struggling to cope.
•Narration is really well done, it helps to understand Caleb’s connection to his brother.
•I’m not entirely sure what the canoe adventure was? Was it a flash back or present day?
•Good cliffhanger, I was interested to find out more about the connection to the circus.
•Spot directing is excellent, as is layering.