Wow Sofia, this is a truly excellent story. It’s funny how I wrote a similar story about a criminal and a police officer fall in love on Wattpad. Your story is much better.
Positives.
Many choices which is awesome! I like that because it makes the reader continue reading, I find that .
The intro was superb! The gunshots in the beginning! I got SHOOK. That was very well-directed.
Sofia and Ryan are goals. I love how Sofia was like “oh f*ck.”
I like the camera shaking and all of that! I am so bad at that and I find it pretty impressive!
Overlays are great! I like it a lot!
Negatives.
It seems like you are having errors with grammar. One of your common errors for grammar is this “Let’s go Sofia!” Or “Come on Sofia.” This is totally fine, you’re learning! The correct way is to add a comma before a name. For example, a sentence is wrong like this…
“Let’s eat Grandma!” I don’t know what to say, but this is hilarious. Anyways, you have to add a comma because it might be weird saying it. The correct way on saying it is…
“Let’s eat, Grandma!” No worries, I get it. If you need help with grammar, I’ll assist you!
It seems like you are adding exclamation points a lot, almost in every sentence. My teacher said that “Exclamation points are used for shocking or exciting moments, anything related to that. If you use a exclamation point for a sentence like this “The light turned red!” That seems alright, but I would use periods. Periods are for normal sentences and all. But, you shouldn’t abuse its power. Like this “Oh no, the building got burned down.” That’s really sad, but I wouldn’t use periods for that. Know your limits? Or, use it correctly.
Some punctuation errors, I noticed that sometimes you forgot to put a period or something related to that. No worries, people always do that and it’s normal to see that.
This is a suggestion: Add more music? Like, you are kinda repeating the same music in the same scene. I remember hearing it tho, twice.
This story is excellent, if you fix the errors…I bet this story will be awesome and might become popular! I have faith in you and if you have any questions or concerns, don’t feel worried to ask me! :)) I would rate this story…
Hi @AdyElly ! I’m super sorry if I made you wait a while for this review, but here we go!
Positives.
I adore the intro and everything, the cover is really unique! I don’t want to say unique but INCREDIBLE.
Awesome job when Mal walks in forward of the table, that’s great!
Wow, the directing is superb! It’s so nice, well duh! Because you help a lot of readers and I see where the talent comes from!
Aw, the relationship between Mal and her fiance is super cute!
Outfits are super cute!
I love the way how Mal feels about him, so descriptive!
Animations are super good! The way she gets out of bed is so awesome. I always find trouble with that.
Love the way that you give us the choice to edit her hair and makeup, that’s really kind of you!
The way you describe stuff is magnificent, so descriptive!
Negatives.
When you were introducing Mal, the music felt like it didn’t fit in, I mean. It kinda does. I sort of dislike it.
To sort of reduce time, you can do the animation when Mal was changing her clothes a changing animation? I forgot what it was called, but I assume you know what I’m talking about.
Perhaps, changing some of the music? I kinda dislike how it doesn’t have the right feeling. Like, flirty music is alright, but it doesn’t fit in. No offensive!
Always remember to add a period when last names are shown. “Miss.” “Mr.” Etc.
3-5 punctuation mistakes, I noticed that you don’t include some periods but no worries! Everyone makes mistakes!
I couldn’t understand if her mom was a customer with her kids or someone else. You should introduce the mom and her sisters, first and then, the wedding stuff occurs. Readers are going to find it a bit tricky.
Other Notes:
Children dislike her because she is taking 0 of her time, fashion is key people! Have patience!
I don’t get the part where she pasts out and all of a sudden, she is in her bed? Was she thinking that?
Anyways, this story is really good and I love to see what happens next! If you want me to continue reading, that’s totally fine. You are a really great author, Ady. But, you had some mistakes which is okay! But, I would rate it a…
Hi @pheebsnomenal ! I apologize for the long wait for the review, I’ve been lately busy and I’m really glad to be reading your story finally! Well, here we go.
Positives.
I love Limelight so much, the animations are superb!
The directing is nice, it could use some work but I like it!
*The backgrounds are beautiful!
Intro is great!
Grammar is awesome!
This plot tho, super different and way better than I expected.
Lots of choices, you seem to care if the reader is not going to lose track of the story and actually pays attention to it!
Negatives.
Punctuation could do some work, but no worries.
I find it a bit logical that Aimie doesn’t pay attention to her father and manages to leave Earth.
Some animations don’t seem that Aimie is not talking, it looks like she is just staring and just shows a text box.
When Aimie and the other guy are talking, and she stands up. It looked a bit off.
Other notes:
Her father is a pretty important due and doesn’t see that Aimie didn’t leave? Well, okay.
*The humor tho, oh my god.
It’s a terrific story with a great plot. If you wish for me to continue reading it, please comment that. Otherwise, it has been a pleasure reading your story. Amazing work. Some mistakes, but that’s okay. You might want to fix it tho. I would rate it…
Thank you for your review and as I said - no problem, we all have a real life
And it’s up to you. If you are interested to continue the story, I would be happy
Would you mind giving my newly published story a read?
Title; Flight of Passion Chapters ; 1-3 are out! Genre ; Romance Description ; In honor of her father, Ashlynn applies to the high school of their dreams! Once she reaches the steps into Thompson Aviation, she faces an obscurity…It’s an all boys high school
Covers; SMALL
@EllieThatWriter Thank You very much! I’ll review your suggestions.
If you are interested to continue the story, I would be happy.
I have readerMessage where I wrote the time when it’s happening all the events.
After she says she has another love… starts a new scene with the “readerMessage Earlier that day” and after she passed out, there is another “readerMessage Back that night”
Title: Love: Mission (im)possible? Author: Nadi_Episode Instagram: nadi_episode Genre: Romance Style: Limelight Chapters: 3 currently out Description:
Your hobby leads you to a foreign country. Is there a chance to fall in love within one month? Does it even make sense? Link:http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5540459057315840
Hello everyone, I apologize for the delay of reviews, I will be continuing reading them tomorrow! I’ve been really busy, so I’m really sorry! I promise that I will read your stories! <3
Hi @KateB_episode ! I’m really sorry for the wait of this review. I’ve been incredibly busy and I read your first episode and here’s my review about it.
Positives.
I love the cliffhanger and that caught me off when Aurora sees the guy from the previous time at her school.
Oh my god, you nailed the dancing! That’s a .
I love the character’s details and their outfits, it’s really unique!
This story is awesome and I can’t wait to see what happens next.
Negatives.
I suggest adding music to get the feeling and to make readers get more interested in it.
Several grammar mistakes and punctuation. No worries, everyone has to experience these mistakes!s
Your directing is off when placing the characters. Don’t worry, you’re not alone.
It looks a bit weird when Aurora is saying random stuff and you should use the thought bubble. If you don’t know how to use it, this is how you do it.
CHARACTER (animation)
(insert speech here)
Overall, this story hooks me right into it. A great work! I can see that you put your time into it. Even though, the mistakes kinda affect it.
@AnonymousAuthor1 Hi, I’m really sorry for the delay for this review. But, I’m here to share you the results of the story. But, the cover is beautifully well done.
Positives.
LGBT, I love how you are doing that. That’s really supportive to them and it makes the story interesting.
Reality. This is like watching real life. How people are getting bullied because they are gay or a lesbian, etc. It breaks my heart.
Thank you for warning us about the Mature part, I get really annoyed when authors don’t put “Mature Themes” when it is mature.
I love how you chose Limelight, I love it so much and makes it more realistic! :))
The way that Kendall cares about her siblings is so adorable and really kind of her.
Negatives.
When you were starting a scene, the characters just appeared out of nowhere which is a bit weird. If you want them to be already there, you do the “&”
I noticed that some of the characters are just idle and are just staring at them, a bit awkward. My opinion!
This story is fantastic! It’s written well-done! I would rate it a…
Story Info: Escaped from a loutish husband, Kandie tries to find a new beginning. But what she didn’t know was that her ex-husband lurks in the trails behind her.
Hai @EllieThatWriter I think you already read my story I guess? But can I ask you help here… What do you think of my story… And I wish that you can be my proofreader I’m really struggling on that. And how many episode do read my story so far?
What inside of my story?
1- Art scene in all episode (Comic Art style)
2- I use different directing and discover overlay things by using my drawing
3- In this story don’t have CC. But I figure out how I want put CC without against my drawings
Author: R.es.story
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Style: Ink
Description: Maxwell is 3rd year, everyone knows him already. He likes hurt girls that the girl who tries enticing on him. Jade hates the guy who hurt girls the most and trying revenge on him.
Episodes: 8 (Ongoing)
Instagram: @r.es_story
Your story is much better. 
.
and as I said - no problem, we all have a real life 
.
I’m really struggling on that. And how many episode do read my story so far?