Wow Sofia, this is a truly excellent story. It’s funny how I wrote a similar story about a criminal and a police officer fall in love on Wattpad. Your story is much better.
- Many choices which is awesome! I like that because it makes the reader continue reading, I find that .
- The intro was superb! The gunshots in the beginning! I got SHOOK. That was very well-directed.
- Sofia and Ryan are goals. I love how Sofia was like “oh f*ck.”
- I like the camera shaking and all of that! I am so bad at that and I find it pretty impressive!
- Overlays are great! I like it a lot!
- It seems like you are having errors with grammar. One of your common errors for grammar is this “Let’s go Sofia!” Or “Come on Sofia.” This is totally fine, you’re learning! The correct way is to add a comma before a name. For example, a sentence is wrong like this…
“Let’s eat Grandma!” I don’t know what to say, but this is hilarious. Anyways, you have to add a comma because it might be weird saying it. The correct way on saying it is…
“Let’s eat, Grandma!” No worries, I get it. If you need help with grammar, I’ll assist you!
- It seems like you are adding exclamation points a lot, almost in every sentence. My teacher said that “Exclamation points are used for shocking or exciting moments, anything related to that. If you use a exclamation point for a sentence like this “The light turned red!” That seems alright, but I would use periods. Periods are for normal sentences and all. But, you shouldn’t abuse its power. Like this “Oh no, the building got burned down.” That’s really sad, but I wouldn’t use periods for that. Know your limits? Or, use it correctly.
- Some punctuation errors, I noticed that sometimes you forgot to put a period or something related to that. No worries, people always do that and it’s normal to see that.
- This is a suggestion: Add more music? Like, you are kinda repeating the same music in the same scene. I remember hearing it tho, twice.
This story is excellent, if you fix the errors…I bet this story will be awesome and might become popular! I have faith in you and if you have any questions or concerns, don’t feel worried to ask me! :)) I would rate this story…