Looking for opinions on my story

so I wrote a story about a girl who has to find a ring in 7 days time. She has to take a ring from someone to survive, but the owner of that ring dies. If she fails to complete her mission in 7 days, she dies.

I published it not long ago, but I would like to hear some thoughts of my new story so I can improve on writing. This is a link to my story, thanks in advance!

It’s called: Ring Of Life
Genre: Fantasy


Ring Of Life Episode 1 By Emma
Runtime: Approx 7-8m

  • You narrate a lot. I’d suggest using show, not tell.
  • Lack of music
  • A lot of dialogue is missing punctuation.
  • Characters appear onscreen after the transition
  • Speechbubble placement is off
  • WILLIAM enters and exits the screen at a different scale.
  • Wrong use of homophones including too and to.

Below is some examples of what I’ve stated above.


AUDREY slides on screen doing her animation.
ANDREW and AUDREY’s dialogue is missing punctuation.

OLGETROZ and the twins

The twin’s dialogue is missing punctuation.
Bad speechbubble placement


ANDREW walks in backwards
ANDREW and AUDREY’s dialogue is missing punctuation.
Using too instead of to.
AUDREY appears on scene.
WILLIAM shrinks in size.
Use breathe instead of breath
WILLIAM walks backwards

Thanks for doing this! I shall work on these points.

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