Looking for someone to give me feedback on my first 5 chapters!


#1

Hi everyone!

I’m looking for someone to give me feedback on the first five chapters of my story.
It’s Called Delirium, and I just released it on the app!

A quick synopsis to give you an idea of what you’re getting yourself into:
Blair has recently gone off to college, where she gets involved in a supernatural war. She’s torn between good and evil, and has to make a decision on where her heart truly lies. As she gets deeper into the supernatural rabbit hole, Blair finds she’s the key to ending the war. Which side will she choose?

The link for the story is here, and any and all feedback is welcome.

If you’d rather search on the app my author name is C.S. Faith.

Thank you so much!

XOXO -C


#2

I’d be willing to do a read for read with you! (I would review yours too). I have a little bit of a list going on of r4r’s so it might take me a little bit to get to yours. Are you up for it?


#3

Yeah that sounds great! What is the title of your story?


#4

Story Title: From Riches to Rags
Author: ErinH
Genre: Fantasy
Style: Ink
Story Description: Forced into a terrible arranged marriage, Princess Elizabeth takes her fate into her own hands, and runs away from her destiny. With war looming ahead how will she fare on her own?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6090470465077248

Since I’ll be giving you feedback, can you give me feedback too?


#5

Of course I’d love to! I’ll read it here in a moment!


#6

chapter 1

My first thought is that I really liked how you kept up with the vernacular of that time period

Also, kudos on getting the hair and makeup change in there- it takes me till chapter 5 to figure that out

I also like how you’ve incorporated zooms to make it more cinematic.
Intro- I think that the intro would benefit with the shot of the kingdom, and maybe some background on it.
Great Length

no spelling errors

Chapter 2
Loved how you kept the overlay in line with Gregory’s face! Not easy to do

overall very well done, no spelling errors here either.
something I did notice- I think rum may already be plural- but I’m not 100% positive

the ending on two is great- something I didn’t see coming

Chapter 3
Great use of foreshadowing!
I’m glad your main characters don’t immediately run away with one another. It leads to a better plot.
no spelling errors

Chapter 4
I really love the map background, and it helps the reader understand where the characters are
Great development in the plot with the letter.

Summary- So I really enjoyed the story line. It’s not something you see often on Episode, so I was glad to see something different. I also like how your main characters didn’t immediately fall passionately in love, and leads to suspense. I think your story has great potential, and I would definitely recommend to a friend.


#7

Thank you so much!!! I will get to your story as soon as I possible can! :slight_smile:


#8

@ColleenS24 I finally read your story, sorry it took me so long.

Overall: I really like this story. It is interesting and keeps me speculating. It is definitely one that I will keep on my favorites shelf and continue reading!
Plot: You have a really interesting plot going on here. I loved the foreshadowing at the very beginning of episode 1, it leaves your readers in suspense and keeps them wondering about what is going to happen. It makes the story intriguing. I also thought Blair’s nightmare was pretty scary, you did a good job directing that.
Directing: There were a couple of times when the tail of the speech bubble was facing the wrong way. When Blair and Peyton are getting coffee with Dean in episode 1, Blair acts like she is holding something (I’m guessing a coffee cup) but there was nothing in her hand. Also, make sure you have some animation for every line of dialogue, there were a few times when someone would say something but they wouldn’t move. When Dean kisses Blair on the cheek he should be behind her instead of in front of her, so check the layering on that. Otherwise you have pretty good directing and you did a good job with the overlays that you used.
Grammar: You have some mild spelling and grammar issues. Nothing severe, but you might want to go back and spell check everything.
I really enjoyed your story, keep up the good work :slight_smile:


#9

@ColleenS24 Do you have an Instagram? I occasionally feature several new and underrated stories at a time on my Instagram (@forzanellabellezza.episode) and I would like to feature yours :slight_smile:


#10

I do! It’s @c.s.faith ! That sounds awesome! Thank you so much! :slight_smile:


#11

It might be a little bit, I do 6 at a time, so I have to find all six lol