Looking for someone to review my first story. 3episodes


#1

so I started my first story ever. I would love to have someone review it for me :slight_smile:


#2

Send me the link! I’ll give it a proofread. <3


#3

AWESOME! thanks :slight_smile:


#4

I’ll give it a read too


#5

Moved to Share Feedback since you’re looking for reviews. Make sure to check out our Forum Tutorial for more info about where to correctly create topics. :wink:


#6

ok thanks a bunch


#7

Ok so the mistakes in episode 1:

~ First scene where it’s talking about the kingdom you spelt princesses wrong.
~ Where you say Earth, the overlay doesn’t appear with the background straight away, try using the & symbol before u add the overlay.
~ in the scene where Darcia and Manzur are talking you forgot the ending punctuation after she says “I will show you”.
~ When princess Aerwyna is talking, after she says “it is so beautiful” you need a full stop, also when she says “I guess I will go in” you could add her saying now then add the full stop you missed.
~ When Jacki is first speaking, you spelt “travelling” wrong.

Things you could add to make it transition better and make the story flow more:

~ Fade in transitions before each new background/scene.
~ Add zoom ins of the characters whilst they are talking. (not too close though!)

Other than that so far so good :smile:


#8

I’ll review more and give you more feedback when my phone is fully charged. :sunny:


#9

Ok that’s great. thanks so much for checking it out!


#10

ofc! <3


#11

If you submit your story here we will be sure to give you some feed back:)


#12