Lust, Lies and Deceit my new story

Hello all!

I am new to episode as a writer and would love to get some feedback on my writing. Thank you!

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would you liked to do a read for read? :grin:

Title: Mystery on Hanging Hill Lane
Author: Marshmallow O.
Genre: Mystery, Romance, Comedy
Summary: Time is running out as you and your friends try to escape the mysterious sleepover that you were invited to… Read to uncover the Mystery on Hanging Hill Lane.
Chapters: 4 (More to come)
Style: Limelight

Create your own characters and Choices Matter!:blush:

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6250660385652736
Shortened Link: https://bit.ly/2FHhOMS

Hey there! Would you be interested in doing a r4r with me? If so, here are my details. Just let me know <3
Story: Sorry, Wrong Number
Genre: Thriller
Summary: “And that’s how we’ll get rid of the body. Sorry, wrong number.”
When a text is sent to the wrong person, it leads to a race against time to prevent a murder. TEXT BASED
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5933958626344960

Absolutely!

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Will do! I will read it now.

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Yes. Ma’am.

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great! i’ll start right now! i’ll send screenshots in a sec! :grin:

Thanks

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My character is at the creepy house.

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aaah im excited love alyssa’s look! also, how many chapters are we exchanging?

I was going to read all of the ones you released. So far the story is great.

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okay cool! i’ll read 4 of yours! :grin: i’m on 3!

Awesome! I’ll add yours to my list now :heart:

Awesome! I love mysteries!!

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hey! just finished your story! i decided to write you up some feedback because I’ve done a lot of these today, and i’m in the writing mood! by the way, this is not me being mean, just my opinion on your story!!! i just read it back and i feel like it sounds very meannnn but this is just my sense of humor and how i review don’t take it personal!! i really do like your story! Mind you, I’m very honest. :grin::grin:

Episode 1
  • try to not start out your story with the customization of the mc. you should ease into it, by introducing the character first and then having the reader customize.
  • please do not use avatar creator. not because its bad… but… because it’s bad. @Dara.Amarie has a cc template that works amazingly and has all of the updated hairs, skintones, eyes, etc. that avatar creator just doesn’t have. mainly, it’s just a bigger variety.
  • lmao the phone ringing scared me :joy::joy:
  • her step mom is a bitch :joy:
  • episode writer grammar lesson; having bad grammar in stories REALLY bothers some people… like it’s insane… i personally don’t care about it, but if you forget a comma you’re screwed screwed. so just be sure to add commas where they need to be and periods at ends of sentences. and don’t put punctuation marks where they don’t need to go.
  • the dorms come decorated…?
  • can her dad stfu. like… who does he think he is raising his voice at :joy::joy:
  • the hug between the dad and stepmom is off. either she needs to turn or she needs to turn.
  • UGH I HATE HER STEP MOM!!!11!!!11!!1!
  • i get a bad vibe from alyssa… idk why… maybe i’m just stoopid.
  • bahahahaahhaha her falling is me
  • i spotted a couple defaultsssssss :joy: writers curse.
  • as the party scene was starting Ashley just kinda popped on screen, she should enter from a side
  • in the party scene there was a guy standing in front of someone who should have been standing in front of him. it’s a layering mistake. if you want characters to be in the back use @CHARACTER moves to layer -2 (or any negative number) and for the front use @CHARACTER moves to layer 2 (or any positive number)
Episode 2
  • You should make the characters sitting in the chairs at school a bit bigger, they look like small children :joy:
  • reference back to the grammar note from earlier in this chapter too! :blush:
  • i love the last name “lovelace” sounds so fancy!
  • this chapter was kinda short
Episode 3
  • why is the speechbubble so big in the beginning of the last 2 episodes
  • omg the roast session at the resturant :joy::joy: sisters settle downnn
  • dean is a cutie pie
  • dan runs in front of the girls at the table, she should run behind them. (it’s a layering issue)
  • oh, and i forgot his name but the guy in the pink shirt, he just pops up on screen when he should enter
  • ahhhhhh the conflict is finally forming :face_with_raised_eyebrow::face_with_raised_eyebrow: which sorority will rie chooooose :joy:
  • BRAEDYNNNN his name is braedyn, i figured it out
  • if you’re gonna have rie speak off camera have braedyn do some type of animation so that the reader has something to look at, if not then just cut to rie.
  • i’m liking that the conflict is buildingggggg i’m excited!!! :rofl::rofl::grin::grin:
Episode 4
  • yea. the speechbubble is like gigantic at the beginning of the chapter during dialogue :joy::joy: is that a glitch? or did you forget to do speechbubble reset?
  • i really like your use of sounds in this story! you did a nice job!
  • lmaoooo i love that you clarify things like “deuce” and family matters :sob::sob: way to keep everyone cultured
  • you should look into a phone overlay to place on the counter so that you don’t have to state it. there are tons of fourms with phone overlays on this website! :grin:
  • THIS BITCH “tHe bRaT iS hOmE” UGHHHHHHH I ACTUALLY CANT STAND HER
  • NOOOO WHO WAS AT THE DOOR!!! CLIFFHANGER!!!
Overall Thoughts

Okay! This was actually really good! I really really liked it! I love the plot and I got really invested when things started getting interesting! I like it a lot! Just look into what I mentioned above and i’m sure this story can be better than it already is! You had a really nice use of zooms, and music, and the directing was good for this being your first story! Just keep practicing and i’m sure it’ll be great! :grin: Don’t forget to read 4 chapters of my story as well if you haven’t already! :kissing_heart:

r4r?

Story Name: Blades of Desire

Author: Giselle C.

Genre: Thriller

Description: He loves you, he wants you, & he must have you. He will stop at nothing to make sure you’re his, even if it means killing anyone who comes in his way. But, do you love him?

Features: Advanced directing, non-cliche plot line, choices matter, FULL character customization, unique and big closet, POC and LGBTQ characters, LGBTQ option, mini games.

Episodes: 6

Covers:

Blades_of_Desire_posterThumb_J1kh4mLA0x

Blades_of_Desire_posterImage_heaCSCtYK6

Link:

OMG! I really appreciate your input. I love your zooms and directing in the book. It seems that you have done this before. Gram has always been an issue for me lol I may need an editor because I can’t get out of my head. I will read chapter 4 tonight.

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bahahahahaha thanks! yea i did this before but my first story was absolute garbage :joy: i’ve just been practicing since then. but if you ever need help with anything feel free to ask, i’ll be sure to help!

Just finished. Let me know when you’ve read my story :heart:

I read sorry wrong number. I thought is was completely genius that you used the backgrounds and text. I would have been dead because I kept picking the wrong choices. I went to the police lol even though they said not to I guess I was scared.

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