Make my day better.Tell me the funniest jokes ever! Here is mine 😂

[Rilley_writesSTORIES]

Hi there

So…Im bored and depressed (like the last of our generation) and I want something to make me chear up! So please make me laugh and I will make ya too!

#1 One old lady sits on the bench and is swearing so badly, her son comes to her and asks her:
"Why are you swearing so much?!
Then tho old lady sais: "Sit down and I will tell you."
Her son sits down and the old lady whispers something to him.
Her son starts swearing too.
Then both start swearing.
A old ladys daughter comes and asks: "Why are you two swearing so badly?"
The son says: "Sit down and I will tell you."
The daughter sits down and her brother says:
"The bench is fresh painted"

Help me and make me laugh! REDY ALREADY!

[Raitlyn]

This one is a joke from my brother:

What do you call a dog to likes to be washed?

A Sham-Poodle!!!

[Rilley_writesSTORIES]

lol

[AlexandraD]

Littl‌‌e J‌‌ohnn‌‌y w‌‌a‌‌s t‌‌ol‌‌d b‌‌‌‌y h‌‌i‌‌s f‌‌riend‌‌s t‌‌ha‌‌t a‌‌dult‌‌s h‌‌av‌‌e a‌‌‌‌ d‌‌ee‌‌p d‌‌ar‌‌k s‌‌ecre‌‌t a‌‌n‌‌d c‌‌a‌‌n b‌‌‌‌e e‌‌asil‌‌y m‌‌anipulated.

Johnn‌‌y d‌‌ecide‌‌s t‌‌‌‌o t‌‌es‌‌t i‌‌t‌‌. H‌‌‌‌e c‌‌ome‌‌s h‌‌ome‌‌, g‌‌oe‌‌s u‌‌‌‌p t‌‌‌‌o h‌‌i‌‌s m‌‌othe‌‌r a‌‌n‌‌d s‌‌ays‌‌, “‌‌Mom‌‌, I‌‌‌‌ k‌‌no‌‌w e‌‌verything.‌‌” M‌‌o‌‌m s‌‌hushe‌‌s h‌‌i‌‌m a‌‌n‌‌d g‌‌ive‌‌s h‌‌i‌‌m $‌‌10.

“Jus‌‌t d‌‌on’‌‌t t‌‌el‌‌l D‌‌ad‌‌” s‌‌h‌‌e s‌‌ays.

Hey‌‌, i‌‌t’‌‌s w‌‌orkin‌‌g t‌‌hink‌‌s L‌‌ittl‌‌e J‌‌ohnny.

A‌‌n h‌‌ou‌‌r l‌‌ater‌‌, D‌‌a‌‌d c‌‌ome‌‌s h‌‌om‌‌e f‌‌ro‌‌m w‌‌ork‌‌. J‌‌ohnn‌‌y g‌‌oe‌‌s u‌‌‌‌p t‌‌‌‌o h‌‌i‌‌m a‌‌n‌‌d s‌‌ays‌‌: “‌‌Dad‌‌, I‌‌‌‌ k‌‌no‌‌w e‌‌verything.”

Da‌‌d g‌‌ive‌‌s J‌‌ohnn‌‌y $‌‌100‌‌. “‌‌Don’‌‌t t‌‌el‌‌l M‌‌om‌‌”, h‌‌‌‌e s‌‌ays.

Jus‌‌t t‌‌hen‌‌, t‌‌h‌‌e m‌‌ailma‌‌n k‌‌nock‌‌s o‌‌‌‌n t‌‌h‌‌e d‌‌oor‌‌. J‌‌ohnn‌‌y o‌‌pen‌‌s i‌‌‌‌t a‌‌n‌‌d s‌‌ays‌‌. “‌‌‌‌I k‌‌no‌‌w e‌‌verything‌‌, M‌‌ister.”

Th‌‌e m‌‌ailma‌‌n d‌‌rop‌‌s a‌‌l‌‌l h‌‌i‌‌s m‌‌ail‌‌, h‌‌i‌‌s e‌‌ye‌‌s t‌‌ea‌‌r u‌‌‌‌p a‌‌n‌‌d h‌‌‌‌e s‌‌ays:

“Wel‌‌l t‌‌he‌‌n J‌‌ohnny‌‌, c‌‌om‌‌e g‌‌iv‌‌e D‌‌add‌‌y a‌‌‌‌ h‌‌ug.”

[Rilley_writesSTORIES]

lmao…

[Leathelion]

Some include names that are often mentioned in jokes in my country

Why can the Internet never replace newspapers? You can never kill a fly on the Internet that harasses you for two hours flying around the kitchen.

One turtle asks another, ‘Why did you come today without armor?’ ‘Because I ran away from home.’

Why does a blonde pour water into a computer? To surf the internet.

Mujo complains to the doctor: ‘Doctor, I’m breathing hard …’

‘Sister, bring me an instrument.’

‘I’m suffocating here, and you want to play music!’

[Rilley_writesSTORIES]

lol thx

[Leathelion]

I have more on my list if you want to hear

[Rilley_writesSTORIES]

ya know…i have a looooooooooooooooot of time (like 5 min. )

[Rilley_writesSTORIES]

tell me

[Leathelion]

Ok ok here are more

Dad says to Perica: ‘Perica, give me a certificate!’

Perica: ‘I can’t, I lent to Ivica to scare his parents.’

The climax of drunkenness: You hug the shower and beg him to stop crying.

Fata wakes Mujo in the middle of the night and frightenedly tells him: 'Mujo, I had a bad dream and I was scared. When I was little, my mom would hug me and kiss me… ’

Mujo turned and muttered: ‘Oh, are you crazy?! I’m not going to drive you to your mom now?!’

[latasha_b]

I have a couple

•1st:

Summary

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

•2nd:

Summary

Therapist: and what do we say when we feel this way?
Me: don’t be sad because sad backwards is das, and das not good.
Therapist: (taking notes) can I use that?

•3rd:

Summary

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

•4th:

Summary

Therapist: you often use humor to deflect serious trauma.
Me: thank you!
Therapist: I didn’t say that’s a good thing.
Me: what I am hearing is you think I am funny.

[Raitlyn]

This isn’t a joke, its more like a riddle:

One bright day in the middle of the night, two dead boys awoke to fight back to back they faced each other, drew out their swords and shot one another, a deaf policeman heard the noise and shot and killed the two dead boys.

It’s very morbid

I’ve been trying to solve this one for years

[Zara5]

The biggest joke ever is my life

[juliewrites]

This is a joke I got from @/janinestories’s story Times Square; all credits to her

If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or am I strong?
Person 1: Weak
Person 2: Strong

I just couldn’t-

[Sydney_H]

Moved to General Chat since this is not Episode-related. Make sure to check out our Forum Tutorial for more info about creating topics, and feel free to PM me if you’ve got questions.

[Rilley_writesSTORIES]