So…Im bored and depressed (like the last of our generation) and I want something to make me chear up! So please make me laugh and I will make ya too!
#1 One old lady sits on the bench and is swearing so badly, her son comes to her and asks her: "Why are you swearing so much?!
Then tho old lady sais: "Sit down and I will tell you."
Her son sits down and the old lady whispers something to him.
Her son starts swearing too.
Then both start swearing.
A old ladys daughter comes and asks: "Why are you two swearing so badly?"
The son says: "Sit down and I will tell you."
The daughter sits down and her brother says: "The bench is fresh painted"
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
Therapist: and what do we say when we feel this way?
Me: don’t be sad because sad backwards is das, and das not good.
Therapist: (taking notes) can I use that?
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Therapist: you often use humor to deflect serious trauma.
Me: thank you!
Therapist: I didn’t say that’s a good thing.
Me: what I am hearing is you think I am funny.
One bright day in the middle of the night, two dead boys awoke to fight back to back they faced each other, drew out their swords and shot one another, a deaf policeman heard the noise and shot and killed the two dead boys.