°°**Marianna's Review Thread**°° CLOSED UNTIL I FINISH PENDING REVIEWS!

Hi! My name is Marianna, and I’d love to review your stories and give you some feedback, tips, and an honest opinion. :cat2: My reviews will be constructive and detailed and are not meant to be hurtful in any way.

I will be commenting on the following aspects:
-First impressions
-Characters: Are they relatable? Do they feel real?
-Grammar and spelling
-What really stood out for me
-What you could improve

My instagram account is @episodemarianna. If I really liked your story or if there was something remarkable, I will do a shout-out in my Instagram story.

Please fill out this form and I’ll begin reading your stories as soon as possible.

Name of story:
Name of author:
Fun fact:


Name of story: The Pregnancy Curse
Name of author: Dr.Smile
Genre: Comedy
Style: INK
Episodes: 2
Description: Being the bad boy always seems like fun and games, but for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Too bad Tristan Stuart realized this way too late. [Male MC]
Fun fact: I came up with this story while eating pizza rolls, and there’s a special comedic scene at the end of each episode.

Oh and btw, I love your story. Mariano is so sweet and different from most episode guys I’ve read about. :heart_eyes:

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Thanks! I’m so glad you like him. :heart_eyes:

I’ll start reading your stories tonight so I can get your reviews done as soon as possible.

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Thank you for your the time you put into this thread and our reviews.

Name of story: Two To Tango
Name of author: Granolias
Genre: Action/Drama
Style: Ink
Episodes: 3 (ongoing)
Description: Snacks and watching movies is all that you’ve lived for. Until Walves - A powerful agency, takes you in. Seems likes the tanginess of the flavor has only begun.
Fun fact: The large cover was inspired from a scene in mission impossible. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Name of story: The Love Triangle
Name of author: OyeeAbi
Genre: Romance
Style: Limelight
Episodes: 7
Description: Caught in a love triangle, who will win your heart? Your heart-breaker or your childhood friend?
Cover: The_love_Triangle_Cb_posterThumb_xYXdgQ0R27

Fun fact: I came up with this story while arguing with my mom about who’s better for Bella in Twilight.

Name of story: Fiction
Name of author: Oracle
Genre: Fantasy
Style: Limelight
Episodes: 3 so far (just published)
Description: Life, there is fantasy and reality. When the line between them falters, a teenage girl averse to story tales and legends meets them in person with danger lurking on the frontlines.

Fun fact: I drew the cover art with minimal pain to my pride.
Here’s what the large cover will look like once it has been reviewed.


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Can you give me the link ? I can’t find it.

Thanks for starting this thread! If you’re still accepting reviews, I would love to hear your thoughts on my story. :blush:

Here are the detail if you’re able to check it out

Title: The Essentia Chronicles
Author: Tldax913
Style: Ink
Genre: fantasy
Number of episodes: 10 (ongoing)
Description: When a powerful young couple steals the Kings most prized possession, it starts a chain reaction that will either destroy their world or return it to its former glory.
Fun Fact: All the characters in the story are based on people I know or have known. (without the magic use of course) :smile:
Link: HTTP://episodeinteractive.com/s/6652498123816960
Thank you :slightly_smiling_face:

I just published a story. :heart:
Please read It and tell my what you think.

  • Name : JACKPOT
  • Genre : Mystery,Action,Romantic
  • Description : Your life changes when you inherit the number one casino from your gradpnfather.Will you save a casino or will you givi it to your brother. (CC) (Choice matters) Two endings.
    Episode 4 coming out very soom.

I think almost every person on this forum helped me with this story.Thank you for that.(At the end of epsode 2 you will see credits,find your name there.


The Pregnany Curse

First impressions:
I. Love. That. Intro!! You did an amazing job on that, and since it’s the first thing readers see, it’s a good sign that the story is definitely going to be high quality.

So, our main character is Tristan. Props to you for having a male MC, which is something you don’t easily find in stories. Tristan is a player who sleeps with a different girl every night and feels no regrets. I love that we get to see his thoughts.

Tristan’s family cracks me up! His dad’s dialogues RULE. I especially loved the scene where Tristan, his parents, and his sisters were all talking about different things and no one was listening to one another.

Carmela- Somehow she reminds me of Mia, the main character in my story, mainly because of the lipstick shade, her last name (Martínez), her height, and the things Carmela says are kind of like the thoughts Mia has about some of her students but would never dare to say out loud. I love how Carmela was introduced, and the awesome plot twist when Tristan first saw her… and was immediately uninterested. And I’m very intrigued about why Carmela can read everyone like a book… except for the green-haired guy.

Okay, your overlays are EVERYTHING!! The bad breath overlays in the first scene were hilarious! You have definitely mastered the art of using overlays, and I love that.
Your use of sound is also on point… the music and sound effects fit each scene perfectly.

The spot directing in the school hallway was awesome! I really liked how you showed everyone’s reactions upon seeing Tristan walk in.

I only found two directing errors. One was a speechbubble issue in the bedroom scene where Tristan is talking to his oldest sister an sister, and the younger ones are listening in on their conversation. I can’t read what Leila asks because the speech bubbles are offscreen. But this is probably due to the changes in the speechbubble style because it also happened to me, that my speechbubbles got moved offscreen.

The other directing error I saw was when Melissa introduces Tristan, Zach, and Michael. She says that Zach is the one on the left and Tristan is on the right, but Zach is actually on the right and Tristan is on the left.

Great use of gold choices to unlock special scenes! I like how you explained the difference between blue and gold choices. It makes me feel that my choices matter.

You had me cracking up in every scene with the characters’ dialogues! Now that’s how you write comedy! I especially liked Shi and the yogurt situation, ‘gluteus maximus/minimus, and what Carmela told Tristan and his friends!

-Grammar and spelling-
Very good… I only found a couple of minor errors:
“Jenny, Lian, and Leila” make sure to include the commas between the girls’ names.
“And although I was right…”The word ‘although ‘ doesn’t need a capital letter there.

-What really stood out for me-
Every character has a well-developed personality! No bland, boring, or stale characters here! The pace of the story is perfect; not too fast and not too slow. I laughed in almost every scene, so the dialogue and exchange between each character was totally on point. I also love the idea of including a bonus comical scene at the end of each chapter.

-What you could improve-
Aside from a couple of very minor errors here and there, you’re doing a great job, so keep up the good work! I’m definitely recommending this story on Instagram. It deserves to be mentioned and promoted much more!

Wow, thank you! I’ll direct the speechbubbles you mentioned, and there’s no comma between Jenny and Lian because the girl’s name is “Jenny Lian” (Kind of like Mary Jane, it’s a full name). I feel honored that you feel that way because I love your story too, and I think you’re one of the best at characterization. This is really encouraging to me and I’ll definitely keep writing.

Are you still accepting stories? I would appreciate any feedback if you are.

Name of story: Autumn Falls.
Name of author: Luna.
Genre: Romance with some drama.
Style: Ink.
Episodes: 5 are readable.
Description: As Autumn falls in love for the first time, her life begins to fall apart. As a web of dirty secrets & lies unravel, a dangerous connection between their families is discovered.

Yeah sure, sorry.

Two to Tango

-First impressions:
This story looks like it’s going to be filled with action. It already got off to a good start in the first scene. :slight_smile: Oh, nice story cards! I love how you have the criminals looking at the main characters through binoculars.

Our main character is customizable, but I only changed her hairstyle and I kept her original name, Aubree Reid. Aubree is definitely relatable to me because she loves the best dessert ever— ICE CREAM! I like the outfit she’s wearing in the first scene.
Tristan is also customizable, but I only changed his hair color to brown and kept the rest of his features the way they are on the cover. From what I can see in the scenes he has at Walves, Tristan keeps to himself and is pretty closed off. Let’s see if Aubree helps him break out of his shell. I picked the wrong option in the scene with Pierre (I offered to buy her something) so she didn’t give me information about Tristan. :frowning:
Vanessa seems cool, kind of intense, though, and Chiara is really sweet. I don’t trust Pierre much. She’s got a bit of an attitude.
Aww, poor robot… I felt bad for punching him. :open_mouth:

Girl, your directing is THE BOMB TO THE MAX!! I was amazed at the mirror scene, the blanket overlay, the coffee falling off the desk and staining Aubree’s shirt, THE SLIDING DOOR in the freezer aisle… wow! And I seriously love the backgrounds you used… DOORWAY BGs! I literally had to stop writing a story because I couldn’t find those doorway BGs, where someone stands at the door and the other person stands outside the doorway. The part where the cellphone lights up? Magnificent! The directing in this story most definitely gets five out of five stars from me.

Choices really do matter in this story. I like how you can get points for dexterity, charisma, and intelligence, and how it affects future scenes, like what I mentioned above about not getting information from Pierre because I selected the wrong choice. It’s also great that you can win or lose character points. I guess the locked choices are the ones that will give us the most advantage, right?

Your dialogues flowed nicely, and the character interaction was realistic. It’s great that you did more showing than telling. Some authors tend to do an information dump when explaining things in the story, but what was good was that here we learned about the characters by way of dialogue and actions. Good job!

-Grammar and spelling:-
There were only two errors that I noticed… one was ‘You look hilarious when your mad’; it should be ‘when you’re mad.’ The other was ‘Lily must of’… it should be ‘must have’

-What really stood out for me:
The directing, the overlays, and the backgrounds! I love the visual appeal of your story.

-What you could improve:-
In the auditorium scene, I can’t read what the characters are saying because of the position of the speechbubbles. Also, in the first scene, Tristan says ‘Don’t talk about heavenly_choir like that’… I don’t know why the words ‘heavenly_choir’ appear instead of the MC’s name, but it would be a good idea to check that out. :slight_smile:

Overall, I really enjoyed your story and will continue reading! The ending scene in chapter three left me intrigued!
P.S.: Your username is so cool. :slight_smile:

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W-O-W. Let me just say, your review has caught onto a couple errors that even after testing multiple times, I haven’t caught onto (heavenly_choir) and using your instead of you’re. I will be correcting those mistakes momentarily after I give you the thank you that you deserve.

Starting off with characters, yay I’m so glad she was relatable to you with the ice cream! I generally try to give the reader options that may fit their range of what “they would do”, like punching or slapping. Also the fact that you notices the personalities of the other characters is impressive as a reviewer I must say.

Directing, thank you for noticing the work that went into this story. :smile: I really tried to go all out for this action story from big things like the doorway BG’s and mirror scene, to the cellphone lighting up. Woo five stars! Thank you!

Choices, yes they most certainly do matter! Locked choices will depend on either one of the three groups: Charisma, Intelligence, or Dexterity and how many points you have. At the same time, I try to avoid the gem choice style because I personally dislike that. :relieved:

Dialogue, again I’m happy a reader/reviewer noticed the personalities come out. I also tried to avoid information dumps since I know those can be boring at times. The grammar aspect, thanks for catching those mistakes!

I’ll have to look into the speechbubbles situation but I will fix those little mistakes asap!
Thank you for this review and I thought of the username when I was eating a granola bar, so thanks! :grinning:

Added to favorite !

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Hi @TheSunflowerQueen, thank you for doing this! I would love it if you reviewed my story. :hugs:

Story Title: Soccer Moms: Blast to the Future
Author Name: Winter05 with Episode Royalty
Customization?: Limited
Style: INK
Genre: Drama
Episodes: 6 [COMPLETE]
Story Description: All it takes is one shot to change your whole life. Win or lose, nothing will ever be the same.
Instagram Names: @winter05.episode with @penroyalty
Story Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6395210318086144


~ Winter :snowflake:

Hey, I’d like to get a review!
Name of story: No changes after a year…
Name of Author: Teddy’s Dollhouse
Genre: Drama, Romance, Comedy
Style: INK
Episodes: 2
Description: Zen had a beautiful childhood until he was 10 years old with his father but after meeting a beautiful women who claims to be his true mother everything changes.
Cover: image
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6385627538259968
Fun fact: I have the name Zen from the game Mystic Messenger.

The Love Triangle

First Impressions:
Okay, so in the opening scene, we have the author introducing the characters, and explaining who they are in the story. I’m personally not a fan of this technique; I prefer to get to know the characters as the story progresses, through their interactions with other characters.

How you can fix this:
I would suggest skipping the intro and having the characters get to know them as they appear in the story. For example, instead of having the author say ‘This is your sister, Pearl’, you could let us know who Pearl is when the MC interacts with her. Maybe she could say something like, “Please don’t tell my mom or your dad that I’m going to sneak out. If you cover for me, I’ll help you with (insert a favor here).” Of course, if you don’t want to do this and prefer having the author introduce the characters, no problem. :slight_smile:

-Our main character is first introduced as Charity Mason, but near the end of the chapter, she tells Olly that she doesn’t like being called Charity. Then, at the beginning of the second chapter, we can customize her and change both her name and last name. Now, since the readers already identified her as Charity from the beginning and got used to her default look, it might not be a good idea to re-name and customize her in the second chapter

.How you can fix this:
My suggestion would be to give readers the option to play as the default character named Charity Mason (it would be best to do this before the story begins), OR if they don’t want to play as Charity, they can customize and name her. You would do this with a label, something like ‘label startstory’, so if readers choose to play as the default character, you’d write ‘goto startstory’ to skip customization. Then, if they do choose to customize, you’d use the label ‘goto customize’ (or something like that) right before inserting the customization template.

-Also, at the end of the first chapter, you mentioned that many readers thought Charity’s mom was cheating on her dad with Louis. Maybe you could clear up this confusion through some sort of dialogue between the characters. Perhaps Charity could tell her mom (or one of her friends) ‘I really miss dad. It’s been ___ years since (he died/my parents got divorced/he left), but I still can’t get over it. And even though my stepdad treats me well, he’ll never replace my dad’. That’s one way to clear up the confusion.

Olly seems really sweet, so right now I’m rooting for him as the love interest, as opposed to the cheating boyfriend. Daniel, the host of the party, is annoying and nasty. You did a good job making him despicable.

Your spot directing was very good, and I love the custom backgrounds you chose for each scene.
One thing that you could work on here is the choice of music. In some scenes, you had peaceful or cheerful music playing during scenes that were supposed to be sad or suspenseful, so for me it kind of took away from the feeling of the scene.

How you can fix this:
In the scene where Charity goes into the kitchen and remembers her dad, you had music_peacefulstringpluck still playing. You could do something like ‘music off’ before she enters the kitchen, and choose something more melancholic, like ‘music_spaceysomber’ or ‘music_sadgoodbye’. You might want to do the same in the scene where she starts crying after seeing her ex at Daniel’s party.
At the end of the first chapter, she gets a creepy note. There, you could add a scary sound like ‘sparseandcreepy’ or ‘scaryswell’ (I think those are the names) and maybe zoom in on her face as she appears terrified.

I love the clever insults you could choose to humiliate Daniel! I chose the one that said something like, ‘I’d insult you, but nature has already taken care of that’.
I see you included a few gem choices… one was to slap the cheating boyfriend, another was to wear a special outfit, and then there was one to go all the way with Olly. The last one was fine, as it was for a special scene. But I don’t know if it’s a good idea to use gem choices for outfits unless they have some sort of impact on the storyline or give you an advantage if you wear that outfit.

Your dialogues for the most part flowed naturally. I especially like when Charity and Olly were talking about the Avengers. As I mentioned above, in order to avoid confusion about her family situation, it would be best to explain it through dialogue and interaction with other characters.

Grammar and spelling:
There weren’t many grammar or spelling errors. There was a tense error in one scene (it may have been at Daniel’s party) where you have ‘Could’ve FOOL me’ instead of ‘Could’ve FOOLED me.’ The other one I found was when Cassandra said ‘Nobody embarrasses me infront of my crush.’ In front should be two separate words.

What stood out for me:
Your backgrounds, spot directing (especially when the characters were sitting on the stairs), and the choices of what to say to Daniel! Not all choices have to impact the story. Some can be for fun, like this one. :slight_smile:

What you could improve:
Besides the suggestions I gave you above, I’d also like to suggest giving the cliffhangers a little more impact. The one in the first chapter about the note was fine, just make sure to use music that sets the mood. In the second chapter, mentioning Mary Lee while she was kissing Olly was a bit random, so you might want to have her stop kissing Olly to talk about how disturbed she was over the note, or have her receive an anonymous phone call related to the note… just some examples of things you can do to make it a bit more impacting.

These are just a few suggestions. :slight_smile: