❤ Marshmallow Reviews Stories (CURRENTLY CLOSED)

[Marshmallow_O]

CURRENTLY CLOSED (i’m really sorry, i just don’t have time to review at the moment. i’m devoting most of my episode time to writing my story, but once i release another episode i’ll open this back up! i hope you can understand )
Hey guys!
So I’m pretty bored not gonna lie. And I’ve been fulfilling some read for reads, and in doing so, I’ve been giving some feedback on the stories I’ve read. And honestly I enjoyed it, so I wanted to fully commit to doing reviews! I also figured this was a good way to gain some reads, ya feel? Gotta do what you gotta do.
Am I qualified to do this? Lmao, nope! But, I’ve been reading episode stories for a few years now, and feel that I know what readers are looking for when they start a new story. I’ve always been a reader. I used to love to read books, but as life progressed I just really didn’t have the time. Then, I got into writing stories for episode, and I feel that reviewing other authors stories is a great way to help others. I’ve received so much help and support in this community, it’s insane. So i just feel that I should give back! I also, like everyone else, have standards. I’ve also read a lot of reviews and help threads to be able to understand how to fix things, correct errors and know what readers are looking for.
How does your review process work sis? Well, the @amberose inspiration is very strong on this. I’m basically going to take notes of anything that peaks my interest while reading your story! Then i’m going to reread my notes, tweak them a bit, and then post them on this thread. I don’t have a rubric, or a grading system, I’m literally just gonna tell you what I like, what I don’t like, and what I think you could improve on. Note: I’m going to be 100% honest, and very detailed. I’m not going to sugarcoat anything, or pretend I like it. I want to really help people improve their stories, and no one is going to get better if I lie. I’m not going to be mean, but I will give you my honest opinion.
How can I get a review? So this is where things get complicated… If you want a review, I’m going to ask that you read some of my story… How much? Well basically, however many episodes of your story you want me to review, I’m going to ask that you read the same amount of my story! I only have 4 published episodes, so unfortunately, I won’t review more than 4 episodes for you. I know this may seem silly, but honestly, we’re all just trying to make it as authors on this platform, so this is my way of doing that! So, before I begin your review, I’m going to ask that you send me proof that you read however many episodes of my story that you want reviewed. Sorry, if that didn’t make any sense… lmao. Basically just send me proof that you read my story and then you’ll get a review!
Submissions: Alright, just drop your story down below! I don’t have a specific template that you need to fill out to get a review, or a secret code to enter. Just drop your story below with whatever you feel like I need to know! Thanks!

Alright, well… That’s all! Thanks for reading and I will try my best to get as many done as possible! I will most likely be able to get at least 1 done a day! I can get a ton done over weekends though, because I never sleep!

Thank you all again for this! I appreciate each and every one of you!

My Story!

Title: Mystery on Hanging Hill Lane
Author: Marshmallow O.
Genre: Mystery, Romance, Comedy
Style: Limelight
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6250660385652736
Summary: It’s a race against time as you and your friends try to escape the mysterious sleepover that you were invited to… Read to uncover the Mystery on Hanging Hill Lane.

Cover

I’m changing my current one, so this will be my new one soon enough!

Chapters: 4 (More to come)

Create your own characters and Choices Matter!
Shortened Link: https://bit.ly/2FHhOMS

[line123462]

i actually already had plans about reading your story it is in my favrotie, i just havent done cause i have used all my passes in r4r

Name: Retrace
Genre: Mystery. is where I placed it. but honestly, I have no idea. maybe drama
style: ink
link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6425193401417728
description: mc’s mom has been shot and is in a coma. follow her as she tries to contact her dad. while listening to the story of how her parents meet. he was the son of a mafia boss and her an undercover cop. it is two stories in one

[Marshmallow_O]

sicc! just let me know when you finish it and then i’ll get to your review!

[line123462]

well I am reading yours now. at first i thought i had the wrong story because of the time in the school

[Dr.Smile07]

Story: MC: The Bar on 23rd
Author: Dr.Smile
Description: The link between taking action and nostalgia is an odd stranger who seems to poison him with the one thing that sunk him in the first place: love.
Episodes to review: 3
Link:

The Best Stories Are Worth Sharing: MC: The Bar on 23rd

Will PM you a screenshot of 3 chapter reads of your story later.

[Dr.Smile07]

Nevermind, I read 1 chapter, and I really liked it so I’ll continue but just review one of my chapters.
SS:

[Marshmallow_O]

@Dr.Smile07 hey sis, just finished your review on your first episode!

Directing

• First off, I loved the intro with the beer. Super creative! It made me knownwhat this was going to have some high quality directing!

• And I was right because it did! The directing was really really good! The first scene with everyone walking was a good way to start the story because of the atmosphere that it gave off.

• THE ZOOOOOMS girllllll those were some high quality zooms and I really liked it!

• I liked the scene when the MC stepped out of himself to watch what was happening with the girl, that was very creative!

• The pick your poison “speed up or slow down” scene was really nice I liked that a lot!

• The use of music was really good, very well timed.

• The overlayyyyyyyyyyys they were used very well! The bar, the arm, the tattoo! Those were used very well and made the story very fun to watch!

Plot

• “I hate my job.” I felt that.

• Why did he end up having to work there? And what was his old job? Unless that’s something that’s to be explained in another episode, you should explain that, unless you did and I just missed it because i’m slow.

• There’s so much narration. I understand that he has social anxiety and doesn’t really talk to people. And I liked that you’re showing us what’s going on in his mind to get us to have a feel for what he’s feeling. But there’s just so much narration. Readers like to read the episodes and figure out what the character is like on their own and form their own opinions of characters through reading their responses, making choices, and seeing their actions through animations. The narration just doesn’t do it for me. Thought bubbles are another thing though. That’s fine but just don’t over do it.

• In my opinion a majority of the episode was him describing how beautiful the girl was and how intense his anxiety was… Maybe that’ll lighten up as the reader continues the story but it was just a lot of reading and not a lot happening animation wise.

• Very nice cliffhanger at the end! The music just kinda popped on and so did the gun and I jumped! Loved the jump scare.

• I loved the choices! You had an nice amount of choices and the episode was a good length! I like that the choices matter, and that they weren’t just meaningless like “what do you call your best friend bff or buddy?” so great job on the choices! And I forgot to write it down but there was a choice that was like either don’t do something, and then the other one was don’t do something but in gold! That was funny.

• I wish they would’ve kissed!!! Ugh stupid killers and their stupid guns trying to ruin the moment! I was so genuinely excited for the MC about to step out of his shell and kiss her… BUT NOPE.

Grammar

• Grammar was spot on! I have nothing to say about it, you did a great job here!

Overall Thoughts

This was a really good story! What really blew me away was the directing! It was very very good and deserves much more than 40 reads! I can tell you out time into this story, and it will not go unrecognized! The only thing I would say to do differently, is maybe less narration. I personally don’t like that much narration, seeing as I would like to watch the story play out and form my own opinion on the character. Other than that your story was spot on! Thanks for requesting a review!

[Dr.Smile07]

Wow, thank you so much! It means a lot coming from you because I liked your story too, it was very suspenseful and entertaining. I like my narration but I am working on shortening it. You’re not slow, the information will be revealed in the future to create more suspense . I hope you continue it.

[Fatima_Alstar23]

I would love to do a r4r with u!
Story details:
Story Title: In a Starry Night
Author Name: Fatima Al star
Style: Limelight
Genre: Romance/drama
Episodes: 6 (more coming soon!)
Story Description (long): Rose goes thorough a lot of tragic things in her life. All she wants is to live a happy and peaceful life. She never expects that she is a queen of a magic world! (Choices matter)
Instagram Name: @fatima_stories
Story Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5756418218131456

Story cover

I would like to do 4 episodes please!
I will send u proof asap!

[JannahJackson]

You can do mine later after I’m done with yours. I just put it here hehe.

Title: © Tribe of Malapinchi
Author: Jannah Jackson
Genre: Mystery/Adventure/Fantasy/Thriller/Horror
Chapters Published: 5/6
Description: Toss into a land of the sun, magic, lies and dark secrets in Asia. Can you survive, solve the havoc and save everyone before it’s too late? CharacterCustomization

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5909308359180288

[JiangShi]

Dear Marshmallow_O,

I’ve just published the first 4 episodes of my very first story today. I’d be happy if you also could gimme some feedback since I’m kinda determined to improve my skills (or evolve some skills I don’t have yet, lol :,D). I will read yours too, of course. Your synopsis caught my interest and this is the least I can do in exchange for your time. ^^

My story: Make Me Feel Alive
Author: JiangShi
Genre: Fantasy/Romance/Comedy
Story style: Limelight
Description: He has a gorgeous face, a hot body, and a shocking secret hidden behind his mesmerizing pair of almond-shaped eyes. And oh, dear Lord, he’s just moved next door!
No CC, but you can choose from multiple love interests, and I guess I can say it’s not a cliché story. ^^
Episodes: 4 (More episodes to come)
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5826328671092736
Instagram: @jiangshi.episode

[LillyR]

Hi! Could you do mine?

Title: The Wedding Buddies
Plot: You’re in love with your best friend Oliver. Only problem? He’s engaged. What will you do to get your man?
Episodes: 3 (ongoing)
Genre: Romance
Instagram: lillyr.episode
Link - http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5843278294286336

[Fatima_Alstar23]

Done

[Marshmallow_O]

hey! here’s your review! just mind you i’m not trying to be mean! this is just my honest opinion on your story!

@LiyahxWrites

Episode 1

• arsonists lullaby (in one of your opening splashes)
• i’m personally not a fan of doing cc right at the beginning. i’d rather meet the character first and then get do the cc. not do it all at once. it spreads it out more, and makes it smoother in my opinion. but you don’t have to change this! it’s just my opinion!
• not sure what his name is yet, but the first guy who pops up during cc like grows from the bottom of the screen. try spotting him somewhere off screen so that when he enters he stays the same size.
• ^same thing with the girl who comes in after him
• yeah, okay, so you know that scene where you’re panning over the city? I think that you should open up with that first, and then we meet alana sitting on the couch, she says a few lines, and then we get to customize her. does that make sense? I hope it does
• so when a character has a talking animation they either end with a wacky expression on their face, or they keep talking (because it’s a looped talking animation). to avoid this, put a &CHARACTER is idle command or something like that after they say their line. so they keep… ya know… breathing even when they’re not talking, or so that they’re not talking out of turn.
• even if you give a character a looped talking animation, you should still switch up their talking animation. after a while it gets uninteresting. especially if they have a monologue, and are talking for a long time. for example: her mom. when she’s talking ab her and her father she speaks with the same animation through the whole thing. switch up the animation somewhere in there, so add some more personality to the character.
• you did a nice job on zooming in on the characters in the living room, but try using a close up or two it gives more depth to the scene.
• lucas just jumped from one spot to the next before his dad came into the room have him either start where you want him, or walk to that spot.
• you tend to have your characters speak on the same animation for long periods of time. switch it up to make it more entertaining.
• I don’t like tina. I wanna fight her for alana!!!111!!!1!!1! sksndjasndkfjk
• episode writer grammar lesson 101: don’t mess up. i’m obviously kidding lmao have you read my story!?!?! there are SO MANY grammatical errors okay here’s the thing. I don’t care like at all ab grammar. but there are SO MANY people who care SO MUCH about grammar. readers and writers alike. so, moral, just be sure you’re putting commas where they need to go, and periods where they need to go as well! just overall, with your writing, punctuation is key!
• this same song has been playing throughout the entire episode… I understand that having music is nice, and it’s nice to have it, but music and sounds are supposed to compliment the scene, not be there the whole episode.
• that was overall a nice episode, i’m not sure how long it was in total because I watched it whilst starting and stopping, but it seemed like an average episode length!

Episode 2

• that was a very nice fight scene between alana and xavier. I was very captivated the whole time! nice job!
  *as alana is exiting her room to go see lucas she is like either floating or walking or her bed (however you choose to see it) you should try re-spotting that scene to avoid this.
• it’s a new scene now… you should turn the music off or change it.
• you do a god job with the transitions
• sometimes your speechbubbles are off, like they’ll either be too low, and then the next one will be too high, or vise versa.
• tina can actually eat my ass.
• try using close ups on individual characters. did I type this already? not sure, not gonna look tho
  *please turn the music off after the scene that you need it for. using the same music the whole episode is not the move sis.
• i’m sure I said this already, but switch up the animations while a character is talking. using the same steady animation every line makes me want to click through the scene because nothing is changing/happening. ya feel?
• why is the mom not kissing the dad back? she’s just kinda standing there.
• I like the balcony background and overlay that you used!
• try to avoid placing too many lines in the same speechbubble, it’s a lot to read at once.
• can you zoom in on the girls at the table more? or make them bigger?

Episode 3

• OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SOMEONE IS JEALOUSSSSSS
• okayyyyy Rachel out here spitting fax
• lmao where are we and why is that pregnancy test so big…?
• why is this whore tina on my screen? that was so mean. I didn’t mean it like that… but at the same time… I did.
• I believe I made a note on this already, but sometimes your speechbubbles are not in the right spot. like at all, not sure what’s happening cause I don’t know what your script looks like, but make sure you place a @speechbubble reset when you’re done with placing a speechbubble.
• “pull out game is strong” bahahahhahahahahaha
• blue haired boy can like… get it.
• when lucas walked over, he was standing on the table. be sure to place him down more.
• authors outros and intros. avoid them at all costs. if your readers have something to ask you or say, they’ll ask in the comments. the only reason to do one if if you’re getting asked the same question over and over again. but otherwise, avoid authors outros and intros. they take away from the “im watching a movie feel” of the story.

Overall Thoughts

Hi there!
Okay! So.
Overall I thought your story was good! I’m not sure if this is your first or not, but it was good if it was your first! You did a nice job mostly. I would really touch on the music and the zooms though. You honestly, don’t NEED to have music. But if you’re going to put it, please do not use it throughout the whole episode, especially not the same song the entire time. Music is used to compliment the scene, it does not HAVE to be there. Also, using close up zooms is something you should try too! If you don’t know where you should use zooms or when you should use them, just watch like any tv show ever, and get some inspo from that! Also, i’d re-watch your whole story and look at the speechbubble placement. It’s a little wonky at times, so just look out for that. Your transitions were nice and I enjoyed it a lot! Oh yeah! Those note things that you do during the story like “look how good i made this nurse” or “how do you not know how you got her pregnant?” I wouldn’t add them Like I said earlier, it does take away from the “i’m watching a movie feel” of the story! Also, the plot was good as well. So far it makes sense, and I can kinda see where it’s going. In my opinion though, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, (please don’t take this personally, i’m just stating my opinion) there’s just nothing happening yet. I’m not sure if we have to get further into the story for something to change, but nothing is really happening. It’s kind of predictable. And i understand it’s hard to come up with something original on episode because like just about EVERYTHING has been done already. But I’m sure you could make something more interesting or provoking happen in this story! It has great potential! So yeah! Overall it was good just be sure to look at what I mentioned!

[Marshmallow_O]

yeah! as soon as you lmk that you’ve read mine!

[Marshmallow_O]

hey! here’s your review! just mind you i’m not trying to be mean! this is just my honest opinion on your story!

@JiangShi

Episode 1

• authors intros. stay away from them. stay far. far. away. if your readers have something to ask you or say, they’ll ask in the comments. the only reason to do an authors outro or intro if if you’re getting asked the same question over and over again. but otherwise, avoid authors outros and intros. they take away from the “im watching a movie feel” of the story.
• don’t tell us that this is your first story before we start, and definitely do not apologize and say that it’s bad or you’re still learning. it makes us pity you as an author and doubt your writing skills. or it makes us click off of your story because if you think it’s bad, then we’re going to think it’s bad as well. so if you think it’s bad don’t publish it until you feel that you’re ready/ confident in your work!
• if you ask for ss on your insta, make a splash and play it at the end or beginning of your story.
• I really am enjoying the walking scene
• you’re doing a great job with narration! not too much, not too little!
• nice work with the spot directing!
• are you sure this is your first story? this is really good
• JESUS KYLE IS TALL TALL
• “sorry slip of the tongue” surrrrrre Richard surrrrre.
• your directing is hella good! like I said, sare you sure this is your first story?!!??
• nana is eating but there’s nothing in her hand. you should add a prop, but ik there’s no pancake prop. so maybe try a different food for her mom to make… like bagels
• when nana is walking to the window, it’s like she’s floating or walking on the bed (however you see it) try having her walk to one spot, and then the next. just to make it seem realistic.
• NOOOOOOOO CLIFFHANGER

Episode 2

• OMG OMG OMG OMG OGM SKNSDKANKJLB HE KISSED HER LIKE FR!!1111!!!111!! I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST KIDDING AROUND BUT NO HE REALLY- I-
• YOOOO WHAT THE FUCC IT WAS A DREAM. im low key mad. I was so excited.
• her dad is reading but he’s not holding a prop, you should add that.
• why is kyle such a- ughhghgghghh
• O SHIT NOT AGAIN
• okay uhm kyle can like… get it.
• omg punk is so funny!
• this story is so good!

Episode 3

• ooooooo plot twist! hi deannnnn
• you can actually make a background be looped! I actually cannot explain it because I don’t have the time to write it all out right now, but look it up on the forums! there are some good tutorials on here!
• her father, isn’t reading anything.
• I love all split screen scenes ever! and this one was very interesting because it showed all of her love interests! very good!
• “ran away with an 18-year-old”
• this is a bit excessive, i’m aware, but i’d make the dining chair into an overlay so that it looks like shes sitting in the chair instead of on the back of it.
• heshereheshereheshere aaaaaaa stay calm
• HE KISSED HER FR THIS TIME AHHHHHHHHH
• god this story is so good.

Overall Thoughts

Hi there!
Okay!
This was really good! like im not kidding! this deserves more reads. no joke! I can tell that you worked really hard on it and I can tell that you put effort into it! honestly, if I were to complain about ANYTHING it’d be the author intro. getting rid of that would make your story much more interesting! also, music. it is not necessary. at all. but you will be amazed at how many people will tell you to add music into your story. but it’s not necessary. just a suggestion. also, another suggestion. try adding limited cc. Ik that you have a vision for the characters, so try and put limited cc into the story. idc if a story has cc or not, but some people refuse to read stories if they cant at least do some customization. anyways, that’s all! i’m for sure going to keep reading your story it’s super interesting! also you should totally keep promoting this story! it’s really really good! you actually deserve ore reads! thanks for asking me to review it!

[LiyahxWrites]

okay firstly this was EVERYTHING. i’m going to go in tomorrow and fix it. (thanks love)
for a questions to answer
lol TINA (she was not originally in the plot, lucas was actually going to be single, but i decided to add her because my story lacked drama.) plus she’s based on a real person😅.
Don’t worry Tina is only a supporting lead. she’s not in all of the episodes.
Plus i want to fight her too😂.
the pregnancy test. idk sis - i tested my story countless times omg and yet it turned out big.
Rachel is my favorite .
thank you once again. i will definitely have this up when i am revamping

[Marshmallow_O]

i’m so glad that i could help! and please let me know when you finish the revamp! i’d love to read it again! also, let me know when your other story is up as well! i cant wait to read that one too!

[JiangShi]

@Marshmallow_O

hey! here’s your review! just mind you i’m not trying to be mean! this is just my honest opinion on your story!

@JiangShi

Yay, thanks! :))) I’m gonna do a revamp again. :,D Just let me finish what I’ve been working on. I’m really happy that someone - besides my close friends - thinks it’s good. And I will consider adding music, I don’t like it, though (I’m that kind who reads in perfect silence to avoid waking up the kid :D).
As for the customization, I wanted to add at first, then I changed my mind because of a glitch. XD But I guess I will add it again, I just have to customize a customization template. :,D (Of course, only my MC will be customizable, because my love interests are PERFECT! as they are. :D)

[Aims1141]

Hey sisss! Thanks for doing this! I already read your story before coming across this thread lmao

I absolutely love it by the way!!

• TITLE: Compulsion
• AUTHOR: Aimee. A
• GENRE: Romance, comedy and action!
• CHAPTERS PUBLISHED: Please could you read 3 chapters although I haven’t finished the third episode yet!
• DESCRIPTION: Zyro Morte is sent on death row. He’s given the chance to extend his time after the FBI need him for a mission. Simple? One problem, he has to jeopardize his soulmates family!?
• COVER: (Not done yet!)
• LINK: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6725446713540608

Thanks again!