Sure. Dm me
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Could I request:
- Story title: Pyromania
- Genre: Mystery
- Story description: Celia Fane has been locked up her whole life as a Pyromania (someone who controls fire). What happens when she escapes just as darkness sweeps over Portsmouth?
- Your Instagram @: @kristina_episode
- Your Episode user: Kristina.C
- Story cover:
This is the large cover, I haven’t gotten the small one yet. Credit to @versearrow, amazing artist.
- Link to your story: could I pm you?
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I pmed you!
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Thank you for your input! 
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hey I would really love it if you reviewed my story
story title : the girl in the woods
genre; adventure /thriller/drama
summary: long time ago a family adopted a girl but then the girl killed mysteriously in an accident or is it? you will play as sierra who will find out about the history what will she do?
author: sierra wolf
instgram : sierra_writesyt
episode user: @Sierrawolf123
story cover
link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6699948500647936
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You kind of have it all
- good beginning
- good coding
- advanced directing
- backgrounds
- diversity
- CC
- choices
- animations
- point system
- overlays
But…
Summary
- nothing significant happens throughout the story -> just people chatting -> no drama, no controversy, no challenges, no tension -> just one contant line of people’s everyday life
- weak cliffhanger -> not enough to continue reading -> i thought when the owner of the hotel came and wanted to talk with the MC is going to be the cliffhanger, because at last sonething exciting was going to happen but no… meeting the dude who needs help in the pool is not enough
- the lenght -> the chapter seemed endless since nothing really happenens
Overall i can only recommend you to change the ending more exciting. Maybe bring the owner scene in the middle so there is something happening, some controversy and tension, so that the readers have more reason to continue reading and wait what will she decide. Also make the pool dude scene more exciting. For example she could fall into the pool when trying to help and that’s it, it adds so much drama, tension and something dangerous so people are more likely gonna continue reading.
The main goal is to keep the reader in not leave in the end or even worse - in the middle
Continue working on the story!
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If you have time, hopefully you can review my story 
Title: The Unknown
Author Name: Gazza
Chapters: 3
Description: Before the world ends, you and 4 others are teleported to an unknown planet where you find you have magical abilities. But when tit comes to tat, can you save both worlds in time?
Style: Limelight
Instagram: @Gazza_Episode
Link http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4998777703628800
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Hi! I’ve just started my first story and it’d be great if you could read and possibly review it!
Story Name: Kingdom of Anelah
Author: Helly
IG: episode.helly
Genre: Fantasy
Style: Limelight
Episodes: 4
Description: The Kingdom of Anelah is ruled by the cruel King Oscar and only the purest of hearts can save the kingdom. Is your heart pure enough? …for peace, justice, magic and love…
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5610408516976640
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Thanks!!
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Heyy! 
TY for the thread 
Title : Smoke Then Lollipops 
Genre : RomCom - Fantasy
[Choices Matter]
Cover :
Large C:/Description
Link
My Profile name: 80
My Insta :
@Episode_80
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My story is ready to be reviewed now
Sorry, I just had to fix a bunch of stuff that my proofreader noticed.
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hi! I’d love it if you could review my story!
story title: Squad: Sleeping Dogs
genre: Mystery
story description: Four teens find themselves forced to solve a mystery together. Will they uncover the secrets of Rochdale or will they discover it’s best to let sleeping dogs lie?
my instagram: @epybruh
my episode user: Tuna
cover:
link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5960964081123328
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You kind of have it
- nice backgrounds
- animations
- CC
- choices
- diversity
- medium level directing
- choices matter
- cliffhanger
Buuuut…
Summary
I’m not gonna lie…
Part of it is cause i had no description to read and the chapter wasn’t clear enouch to understand what is supposed to happen.
-
the chapter was boring - nothing significant really happened -> just people chatting -> no drama, no tension, no controversy… (ex. the end)
-
as it was boring it seemed endless -> i recommend you to cut some less important chatting scenes and bring the “finding book” scene much closer so there is something actually going on and the reader don’t have to wait the ending (they usually don’t and quit in the middle)
-
english class scene -> i really hoped her story would be played on screen -> that would be really cool, exciting and brings the story out from the “nothing happening” situation -> i would recommend you to cut the less important chatting scenes and replace it with a short scene of her story (partly played on screen and partly told be herself).
-
mc out of the frame
-
love interest -> don’t tell that “this is your love interest”, it always sounds forced, if there’s gonna be several LI’s then maybe this one isn’t really my interest. Just let the readers CC him (i love when the LI CC comes right at the point where the readers meet them, good job on that!). I also wish the MC expresses a little bit resistance towards the LI. At the moment she is accepting his invitation a bit too easily (that’s the dude she don’t know and apparently has never seen before).
-
needs stronger cliffhanger -> the ending needs something extra -> add some shocking value -> i recommend you to stop right there where she tells - omg, this is my mom -> add dramatic bg music, make her do talk_confused_mindblown and zoom in on her -> that should do the trick
We have to consider that the averige reader is 13 y/o and our main goal is to keep those unpatient readers interested by bating them with pieces of excitement, so the battern should be something like this:
Bomb exciting start -> casual script -> piece of excitement -> casual stuff -> casual stuff -> bomb ending (good cliffhanger)
Let’s look at all of the big writers’s stories, they all follow this pattern at least in the first 3 chapters. Chapter one is a pilot chapter, it’s made to impress and lure the reader. If the first chapter is a bomb the readers will most likely continue and recommend your story.
The sad truth is that drama, sex and controversy sells, no matter how old the audience is (by sex part i mean all those li’s and intimite scenes with them, like kissing, sexual tension, first time saying ILY) so to have sucessful story with many readers we are forced to follow that road, at least in Episode.
I hope this helps you now and in the future
You have a promising story, continue working on it!
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A really good one!
- good intro
- nice backgrounds
- nice theme
- good directing
- good usage of overlays
- good story idea
- CC
- diversity
- cliffhanger
But…
Summary
Technical issues, many technical issues…
- characters out of the frame
- speechbubbles out of the frame
- speechbubbles covering the faces
- mouths not always moving when talking
Few examples:
Carefully proofread your first chapter again to spot the mistakes and fix it as soon as possible!!!
I also recommend you to gave an IG account because large amount of the community is there, you’re missing out. You could promote your story much better.
Overall this story is good and i’m gonna recommend it on my IG @episode.merlin
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Alrighty…
You kind of have it
- good intro
- nice backgrounds
- great story idea
- good usage of overlays
- choices
- diversity
Buuut…
Summary
Technical issues
-
characters out of the frame -> make sure they fit into the screen
-
layering issues -> make sure to have right layer number -> this scnene and a scene right before that (where the mc faints) has layering issues
-
characters spoting into places instead of walking -> make sure when paning between the zones you have characters placed there before the screen moves -> use @character or &character spots commands before @pan to zone x. Spot all the characters you’re going to have into different zones before paning or cuting into the zones!!! -> the following scene has that issue in every zone
-
black basic backgrounds with narrator text - as you have a fire themed story i recommend you to use a fire themed background instead of the black one -> adds personal touch and characteristics
-
reset speechbubble in the end
Proofread your first chapter. Carefully read it over and over again line by line as many times as needed.
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Well…
- good intro
- good backgrounds
- animations
- good lenght
Buuuuuuuut… oh boy.
Summary
First of all, let me fix your description of the story:
summary: long time ago a family adopted a girl but then the girl killed mysteriously in an accident or is it? you will play as sierra who will find out about the history what will she do?
Fixed version:
**A long time ago, an adopted girl got mysteriously killed in an accident, or did she? You will play as Sierra who’s going to find out the truth. What will she do? **
Secondly, never ever publish anything without a proofread or two, without a beta read or two, without a grammar check!
I’m gonna bring out all the issues I found:
-
grammar -> have it grammar checked, there are many proofreaders who do grammar, plus I’m pretty sure you can write Sierra with capital S and i am as I am! Always capiltalize I. As you can see the Episode is already giving you the spelling errors! Fix them!
So, you’re wondering who am I, right? I am Sierra Willows.
-
avoid speechbubbles on faces
-
layering issues -> this scene has several issues -> layering and the MC getting up from the bed -> make the MC from sleeping to sitting to stand up, yes it requires 3 steps of spoting!
-
spoting issues -> the characters appear to the screen after cuting or panin into the scene -> make sure you place all the characters into the zones BEFORE you @pan or @cut to the zone x. Place all the characters in different zones before paning or cuting
@cut to zone 1
@CHARACTER spot xyz in zone 2
@CHARACTER spot xyz in zone 3
@pan to zone 2
@pan to zone 3 -
coming in as a writer is a big no no -> delete it -> people don’t wanna know that the story might suck before they even start to read
Instead, start the scene with -
NARRATOR
Welcome to the town of Rosewood.
NARRATOR
Everything was peaceful here, until one day…
You have lot of work to do BUT I recommend you to start with finding a proofreader and a grammar helper - there are many out there who are willing to help.
Alrighty…
- amazing cover
- good intro
- CC
- nice theme
- great story idea
- good directing
- good usage of overlays
- interesting story
- point system
- nice outro
But…
Summary
This is a bit messy. Seems like you didn’t carefully proofead your own story before publishing.
Many technical issues
- layering -> make sure you place the characters into the right layers
- speecbubbles out of the frame
- characters out of the frame
- bare feet -> some characters are not wearing any shoes
- the chapter is suuuuuper long -> i would cut it right there where all 5 met in the other world so it would also be a strong cliffhanger
- narrator text over warning message -> can’t read the narrator properly
Carefully read you story all over again and fix the mistakes. There are more than I could screenshot.
I would recommend the story but I really can’t cause of so many coding mistakes. Fix them asap!
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Thanks for the advice, I’ll make some changes now!
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Thank you so much! I will get on it as soon as possible!
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Thanks so much for the feedback! Unfortunately, I cannot really make any changes right now, as it is a contest story, but I will get to it ASAP.
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