🍵 Merlin's story review and proofreading for all stories [CLOSED]

Yes you can, the rules say you can make minor changes and fix mistakes. You can’t change the plot.

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Oop, I’ll start that now, then.
Edit: Also I got an insta :slight_smile:

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Hey, I just realized that I’m not on the waiting list, but you never gave me a review. :two_hearts: :two_hearts:

Hi
Please review my story.
IG: @Ducky.stories
Author: Ducky
Title: Anxious
Description: Jenny is kind-hearted but trapped by her anxiety. Can she see she’s surrounded by people who care while an even darker secret looms over her?
Full CC & choices from ch. 4 - M/F LI
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4565278715478016
Cover:


Thx

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Hey! Would you review my story? :relaxed:
Name : Bring Me To Life
Genre : Romance
Description : Alessia swore to herself never to wear her heart on her sleeve again after the final straw. What happens when she meets the breathtaking Gilbert? Will she let him in?
Instagram : @angela_author
Episode : @angela_author
Link : https://linktr.ee/angela_author
Cover :


I really hope you like it! :blush::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::heart:

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Yes, you’re not on the list aymore because your story is already reviewed. 3 days ago, since you asked for 1 week delay. It’s right here in the thread and it’s a pretty long one.

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Thank you! I didn’t see it for some reason. :two_hearts:

Thank you so much for the honest opinion I will get to fixing right away and i will follow your advice :slightly_smiling_face:

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  • good story idea
  • backgrounds
  • CC
  • animations
  • diversity

Buuut oh boy…

Summary
  • the chapter is way too short
  • no cliffhanger
  • nothing significant is happening
  • didn’t learn much about the MC

To sum up all of this - it leads to little reasons to continue reading this story

  • make the chaper longer (up to 1600 lines ex. the cc)
  • make the characters actually do something - add action, drama, contoversy, dangerous situations etc, what ever it takes to make this story interesting
  • add strong cliffhanger - i woukdn’t call the current one cliffhanger, the chapter just ends in the middle of nothing

Never publish anything without a proofreader or two, without a beta reader or two.
I still recommend you to find a proofteader or a writing partner to work on this story and revamp it.

One hell of a good story

  • nice intro
  • good usage of overlays
  • advanced directing
  • advanced coding
  • nice theme
  • good story idea
  • fun
  • point system
  • good backgrounds
  • different types of choices
  • choices matter
  • diversity
  • animations
  • bg music perfect timing
  • proper cliffhanger

One thing that I would bring out is that the chapter was super long. Luckily it didn’t really bother me ’cause it was entertaining and there was always something going on. It has a good tension and vibes throughout the story.

I’ll definitely recommend this story on my IG @episode.merlin

PS! You’ll get a shoutout from an Episode IG page epy.bellisimas too! :wink:

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Im glad u thought so cause many told me to make it longer :sob::sparkling_heart::sparkling_heart:

TYSFMMM for this review. Means alot and really appreciateddd :sparkling_heart::sparkling_heart::sparkling_heart::pleading_face:

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:blob_hearts: Thank uu

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Hola…hope you like my story
TITLE REVEAL: SKY OF LOVE
AUTHOR NAME DIA
GENRE DRAMA
CHAPTERS 3 chapters, more coming soon
SYNOPSIS
You are rich, wealthy, famous and Bad. Then why did you moved to a new country? What is the mess crated by you? What happens when the Leader Of Mafia aka Leon Riiana falls for you? Will you be able to escape from the world of darkness?? Will you find your true chemistry?? What is the mess created by you??
ROMANCE DRAMA “a little bit” ACTION
•+3 Love Interests
•9 Different Endings
•LGBTQ
•Choose Your Love Interest
(GUYS GIRLS Or BOTH)
•FULL CC of MC and 3LI

IG @diami.ttal_writes

Small cover

Large cover

Link

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Alrighty
You kind of have it all.

  • nice intro
  • CC
  • good usage of overlays
  • nice lenght
  • good story idea
  • diversity
  • animations
  • cliffhanger
  • proper outro

I’m gonna recommend your story in my IG @episode.merlin

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haha thank you so much!!

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Hi, i can’t find your story, nor can’t i find your user from the episode app. :confused: is your story published?

Yes it is: here is the link
http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4565278715478016

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  • amazing cover
  • nice backgrounds
  • somewhat good directing
  • good lenght
  • good story idea
  • CC
  • animations
  • good outro

Buuuut…

Summary
  • no proper intro -> i suggest you to remove yourself as an author explaining some stuff

  • CC on a black backfround -> i suggest you to move both CC- to the point where the readers actually meet them -> especially the LI -> don’t mention that he is the LI. The description already says that he is the LI so the raders will have the fantasy meeting him and getting to know him. This is only logical ’cause we never know how our love looks like before meeting them ;). Summary -> move both CC-s.

  • lady in yellow changes into yellow jacket in the beginning of the scene -> moments before she wears something else -> make sure you dress yiur characters before starting the scene

  • the chapter is a bit boring -> i suggest you to add some actual drama -> perfect time for that is when the MC meets those perverts and Gilbert comes to save her -> make that scene dangerous, make those perverts be dangerous so Gilbert would rush in and actually save her like a hero. This will ensure strong bond from the beginning.

  • weak cliffhanger -> end your chapter more excitingly -> at the moment it leaves little reasons to continue reading

Other than that the story is good. Continue.

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The link doesnt work and i also cant find your story by name nor can i find your username.

Hi
That’s strange - what user name are you searching under?

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