🍵 Merlin's story review and proofreading for all stories [CLOSED]

Thankyou! I’ll be sure to work on the weak points! :relaxed:

1 Like

Alrighty…

  • nice backgrounds
  • choices
  • animations
  • nice usage of overlays
  • diversity
  • good cover

Buuuuut…

Summary
  • coming in as an author explaining stuff -> basically you’re saying your story might suck even before the readers are going to read it -> remove the scene entirely or move it to the very end of the chaper
  • characters entering scenes -> for some reason they enter from the bottom of the scteen not from left or right side of the screen -> makes it look like they’re coming from under ground
  • zooms are off -> try to zoom your charaters in the middle of the frame -> yours are often staying too low

  • the chaper is a bit too long but it’s the matter of personal preference

Other than that the story is nice. Continue

The very one you gave me here. I managed to find the story so no worries :blush:

Thank you for the honest feedback :grin:

1 Like

Alright. You’re my last review from this huge review thread.

  • good backgrounds
  • CC
  • choices
  • diversity
  • animations
  • somewhat good directing
  • good cover

Buuuuut…

Summary
  • the beginning is too long - all thise options and CC -> the averige reader is 13 y/o and they don’t really have the patience for that. Solution -> cut yourself as a writer explaining some stuff that we already know or will know shortly (music, CC etc.). Move the CC of the LI’s to the point where the reader is actually going to meet them and don’t say - this is you LI, would you like to cc…

  • charater placement too high -> i’m a tablet user and you always have to consider the different formats -> writer portal has options to check that


  • wrong music -> the music is slower than characters on the bg are dancing to -> choose faster music to match their dance style.

  • nothing significant happens -> same scene, same place, same characters doing the same thing -> add some excitemet

  • weak cliffhanger -> leaves little reason to continue reading-> end your chapter with drama or dangerous situation. Make the reader wanna come back. Questions in the end are not enough.

Other than that, the story has potential. Continure writing!!

awhh bro i’m latee :skull::skull:

Hi summi

I took your advice if you can re read my story
Emerald Falls
and let me know what you think
that would be great

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