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Review of Memory Lost for @tessa28

This review is meant to give honest feedback and is in no way meant to discourage the author or anyone else.

Plot - 3/5

The first episode was fast-paced and I was confused at the beginning. The protagonist saw a man get shot and saved him without hesitation. There was no backstory and no indication as to why she did that for a stranger and how she got the gun.

I understand that the mystery can add to the drama, but many things happened at once that I was left bewildered.

Genre - 3/4

I believe the story is in the right genre, but I think it could be more dramatic.

Syntax & Grammar - 4/5

I noticed only one mistake in the first episode. Add -ing to eat or change “I helped him with eat” to I helped him eat.

Lyle said, “Let’s do Hair.” Lots of people talk to themselves like they’re two different people, but I still suggest changing it to, “I should do my hair,” or something similar. Also, hair is not a proper noun so the letter h shouldn’t be capitalized.

I wasn’t able to take a screenshot of when she said it, but it was before this:

Directing - 6.5/10

The transitions were quite long. I suggest fading in and out no more than 1 second.

The spotting is sometimes non-proportional to the environment. Make sure to resize the characters smaller when they’re far away. There were also layering problems. Pearl was much bigger than Ryan yet she was behind him.

Some the speech bubbles weren’t placed well. I understand that Episode misplaces speech bubbles sometimes, so please make sure to reread your script and spot the bubbles yourself.

I noticed that the camera was almost always zoomed out. When there are only 1 or 2 characters talking, I suggesting zooming in on them so the reader can see their expressions better and to make the reader feel included in the conversation.

After speaking, characters are sometimes stuck in their last action. To avoid them freezing, do this:

The characters roll their eyes a lot. It can be confusing if they do an awkward (talk_awkward, idle_awkward) animation then roll their eyes, because it can be hard to understand if they’re nervous or annoyed.

Chapter Length - 3/5

Most people prefer chapters that are 10-17 minutes long, and the first three chapters were less than 10 minutes long.

Choices - 1/5

Aside from clothing and CC choices, there were no choices throughout the 3 episodes. You don’t have to add lots of choices but interactivity is important. Even mini games like where to shoot the enemies can impress readers and make them more interested.

Music and Sound Effects - 1/2

There was music throughout the first episode but not in the second episode when they arrived at Ryan’s house. I didn’t hear any sound effects, like walking or gunshots, either.

Diversity - 1/4

Although the characters’ appearances varied, they all had light skin, and I didn’t see any LGBT+ and religious representation. Feel free to correct me if I missed any signs.

Total = 22.5/40
I hope this doesn’t stop you from writing. Please take my feedback and use it to improve your story.

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its okay…I am trying :relaxed: :pleading_face: :heavy_heart_exclamation:

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Feel free to ask for help if you need any! :blush: :pleading_face:

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thankyou so much…you are too nice :pleading_face: :pleading_face:

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Hey, I finished ur book! Could u plz pm me?

Review of Reality behind Glasses for @Tsukino_94

I apologize for the delay. Thank you for your patience.

Plot - 3/5

I’ve read stories with a female protagonist that pretends to be a guy, but I’ve never read a story with the reason yours has - running away from her parents and the marriage they arranged. I find that aspect unique.

I also like that there’s mystery surrounding the guy she was supposed to marry and that the stalker’s name still hasn’t been revealed.

However, like stories with a similar plot, there’s a guy, the stalker, that finds out the protagonist’s real identity and blackmails her.

-> Genre - 4/4

Syntax & Grammar - 4/5

I wasn’t able to take a screenshot, but at some point in Layla’s conversation with her parents, she said, “But you , dad?!” Use |no-space| so that there isn’t a space between you and the comma. Here is an example of what I mean:

This is just a personal preference, but I suggest using only formal language when narrating. When Layla was sitting and thinking after talking to her parents, she used the word gonna instead of going to.

Directing - 8.5/10

I noticed at the start of the first episode, there were two women taking notes but they weren’t holding any paper.

I appreciate that you animated Layla’s suitcase when she was going down the stairs. I feel like most people wouldn’t have bothered to add that detail.

I assume you made the background characters using the Randomizer. Though it’s convenient, most characters made with the Randomizer look unnatural (e.g their lips are way lighter than their skin, they have the copper or ash skin tone).

The guy on all fours and the woman with glasses in the picture above have lips that are much lighter than their skin.

After Archie was done talking, ‘he’ was stuck in ‘his’ last animation. Use an idle animation like idle_argument_angry_loop after characters stop talking unless you state that they’re supposed to be frozen.

-> Chapter Length - 5/5

Choices - 5/5

I feel like all the choices do matter, and I appreciate knowing how my choices affected what the father said to the mother when they were arguing in their bedroom.

-> Music and Sound Effects - 2/2

Diversity - 2/4

Although the characters all have varying physical features, I didn’t notice any disability, LGBTQIA+, and religious representation.

Total = 33.5/40
Some criteria don’t have notes, as I feel they don’t need them.

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Thank you so much for this review, I’ll work on the point you’ve mentioned :blush:

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Hey there, here is my story :hugs::heart:
Title: Your Heart My Heart
Genre: Drama
Episodes: 6
Style: Ink
Description: Michelle has never been in love but when she meets a boy with an unusual past who ends up being her new classmate things start to go upside down. No cc, art scenes


Uses a lot of overlays, sometimes you won’t be able to pick an outfit

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