In my opinion, I think @PoojaI explained it perfectly.
The big take away is that you can’t force friendships.
I tagged maybe 20 authors/stories in my story/highlights on IG one time, and about 50% didn’t respond (or see it), maybe 30% actually replied, and 20% only liked it.
I’m very sensitive and get upset fairly easily, and it seems that you may be like that as well? (No offense! Lol) I’m also very awkward and shy which makes it hard for me to actually make friends, so being ignored when I put myself out there doesn’t help much because I feel like I’m being annoying…But instead of getting upset at the author, I try and think of maybe why they aren’t replying or engaging in conversation.
For one thing, they aren’t obligated to answer me. And I’m not entitled to a response.
As some people have mentioned, they may not be looking for friends, they may not trust others or are afraid you just “want” something from them, and those are all very valid reasons.
They could also just be very busy. You don’t know what’s going on in their life, things they might be going through, etc which hinders them from replying.
OR if you’re not following each other, your message might go to their message requests. Sometimes I never get a notification when I have a message request, or I forget to check them. And then again, depending on what the person has to say (such as simply hi), I won’t reply, and I’m not even a big author or artist, I just don’t have time for that.
And the last thing that may be a reason, is the fact that they might just get so many DM’s that it’s hard to keep up after them all and some get lost.
I recommend joining groups like others have mentioned, or simply being active on the forums/IG by commenting on posts and replying to stories. Just be a friendly person to be friendly, and eventually friendships will begin to grow
I totally agree! Although I’m not that kind of person who gets upset easily especially if strangers on the internet don’t give me attention haha. But I just feel that they could be nicer if they tried as I feel a bit sad if they seem unintrested when I’m asking them a friendly question like “when did u start writing first, what are ur fav stories” and be a bit more engaging? Not talking about big authors just people on there in general. I don’t mind them not looking for a friendship or anything as I just wanna interact and have an honest conversation with them (not trying to force anything).
Maybe it depends on the person as well? The artist caroline (ck_artdesign) was seriously the sweetest person I’ve ever talked with and there was never that feeling that I’m just a fan etc and the conversation just naturally came. I love talking with people within the community as we can learn so many new things and perspectives from them haha. I’m really not trying to force friendships on anyone. I’m sorry if i gave that impression.
I’m sorry but I feel like you misunderstood me… I’m not trying to force friendships on anyone nor that I ever asked “hey wanna be friends” as I agree that’s really weird. I’m just saying that in my experience i haven’t had many conversations with people on instagram where they’ve been kind to me. And I don’t DM people hoping to be friends. I Just want to show my support for their work and know more about them as you can always learn about so many diff perspectives within the episode community. I understand many people might be busy and not interested and that’s completely fine. But that’s where my point comes in which is that the forum community is friendlier and more inclusive (in my opinion) which was what the original post was about.
I would love being in a groupchat tho I haven’t seen anyone opening to adding me in. And I want to make it clear that I’m not dming them to become friends lol i am just dming them to show my support and have a normal nice conversation with them.
Ahh haha I didn’t mean any offense by it.
But yes I understand that! I just simply don’t DM people unless I’ve already established some type of communication/friendship with them. But that’s also to help with me not getting my feelings hurt lol
Caroline replied to you?? I asked her a genuine art related question quite a few months ago and never got a response so I unsent it But I have heard that she’s a very sweet person to talk to:slightly_smiling_face:
It could depend on the person, as well, like you said. Because not everyone is friendly, or cares about portraying themselves that way.
But I hope you’re able to find a group to join to create more relationships!
My experience on the forums was the opposite of yours. I’ve mostly found it here very hostile (for lack of better word). There were some people here who are now inactive (or got banned) who weren’t very nice or welcoming. It’s quieter than before but I’ve never made a friend here, I prefer Instagram. It’s easier to communicate there anyway with the interface and all.
But making friends in general is not easy and like many other people have said, no one is obligated to continue conversations with you. Most popular authors are have been around for a while and are rather wary of people who are new as they usually only talk to them because they want something or have an agenda. So they tend to just talk to people who they are already friends.
These are some questions popular authors have answered many times before, when they do questions stickers/polls on Instagram to engage with their readers, so of course they don’t want to keep answering the same questions again.
It takes time to make friends. I do suggest trying to join a community group on Instagram because that’s where I made friends. Also try to talk to people who aren’t authors as well. There’s many reader accounts that post SS and shoutout stories on Instagram. They’re all looking for people to talk to their favorite stories about.
Yeah but she and I talked like 2-3 years ago lol. I responded to her question sticker on her story telling her to see my dm if she has time and then she replied. She must have a lot of people dming her lol. But yeah she was genuinely the kindest person i had ever talked with (she’s so talented aah like fr ). I think she doesn’t reply to dms anymore, idk.
But yeah ur totally right! I hope i can find a group too haha I’m usually an extrovert and love meeting new people. I understand if they don’t feel the same tho.
I totally understand! I’ll do what you suggest. Know that I’m fully aware that I’m not entitled a response, nor are they obligated to have a conversation with me. And in the part you quoted i was talking in general about many people I’ve encountered on IG. I’m sorry about your experience here btw :(( I’m glad you found better friends on IG
not everyone is going to want to be your friend and that’s okay. it sounds like you’re just messaging people, trying to start a conversation and just expecting them to roll with it and become your friend. no one owes you friendship and no one is obligated to give you attention. some people just don’t like interacting with others. it’s not a big deal and it’s not your fault so you shouldn’t feel bad about it.
I won’t worry about it. And fyi, no I’m not looking for friends and yes i know they’re not obligated to reply to me. I don’t care if they don’t reply lol i just said if they do reply they’re never friendly which is why it’s not easy in my personal experience to make friends there like in the forums. And there’s really no need to be so blunt and presumptuous. I’m not just messaging people to gain friends do you realise how ridiculous that is :(( I’m messaging them to show support and appreciation and to engage in a normal conversation with them. Thats it.
the title of this topic is literally “the episode community on instagram isn’t great for making friends”.
here it sounds like you’re trying to push a conversation. you don’t need to engage in an entire conversation to tell an author that you support and admire them. a simple message is enough to uplift their spirits.
here it also sounds like you’re yearning for a conversation. they don’t need to reply to your message to show you that they appreciate your support. liking a positive message is a completely valid way of communicating.
these statements contradict each other. and if you’re upset that they didn’t respond to your message, you don’t genuinely want to support them. you’re just in it for getting a response. be happy that they at least saw your message and hope that it made them feel good. support is about making someone feel better, not just getting them to reply to your message. you claim to not be supporting them to gain something, but the fact that you’re getting upset that they’re not replying says otherwise.
As an introvert and author, I feel very uncomfortable when a stranger wants to have a conversation with me. No matter if you’re my reader or not. You’re still a stranger to me, and I don’t know if I can trust you enough. When someone compliments me and my stories, of course, I appreciate it and I show my appreciation, but I’m not interested in a conversation as it makes me uncomfortable (except they’re asking me story-related questions and I’m willing to respond to them).
I understand that you’re eager having conversations with different people. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great that you show all your support, but you also have to understand that not everyone is talkative.
As some users mentioned above, try community groups.
??? I don’t care if they don’t reply (when they haven’t read the msg) but if they LEAVE ME ON READ then I’m allowed to be hurt?? That too not much as i totally understand. And also what “sounds” like to you doesn’t mean I intend it to sound that way. You’re literally painting me as someone who’s only supporting someone to get something back from it and you don’t even know me? Like your whole reply is so condescending.
And just to make it clear, I’m always going with the flow and never push a conversation. I only talk about what’s relevant and if they’re nice too I’ll ask them something more. I’m always dming people to support them hoping they’ll feel happy when they read my msg. But if they leave it on read or are really unbothered, I’m can’t feel hurt because it’s not upto the standard of “supporting someone”. Again it’s not like I’m drowning in misery. It’s really not that deep.
However in retrospect I do think you’re right that even if they leave me on read it might be that they’re just busy (if they’re a big author/artist) but the same can’t be applied to smaller artists or authors who don’t have that many followers and are just… Idk unfriendly??
But i must say that i found your reply to be very rude and presumptuous.
I definitely understand but to be honest I’m never really pushing a conversation and going with the flow making sure that the other person isn’t uncomfortable as im aware of all the things you mentioned. But you’re right it’s better to just compliment and go lol