My first story draft: "The Spark"


#1

Ciao everyone,

I am Giorgio, from Italy, and I have just discovered Episode. I am a technical writer and a programmer, so I was immediately fascinated by the idea of trying out Donacode and writing a small story.

Would you like to read its draft? It is still “work in progress” and there is much work to do before (eventually) publishing it.
In particular:

  • I need to add some choices (where would you like them?)
  • I need proofreading (I am not a native English speaker, but I have a friend who will do it for me)
  • There are some timing bugs to solve.

I would just like your opinions on the story and its general flavor!

This is the link, if someone wants to check it:
The Spark

Thanks in advance! Hugs!
Giò


#2

Sure, I’ll check it out. But I would just like to say I’m a bit picky when it comes to proofreading, hope that’s not a problem.


#3

No problem at all! I have an American friend who will proofread the text before the release of the story (if I’ll decide to release it), but all suggestions and comments are certainly welcome!


#4

Wow, I am impressed. I love the plot of the story, I was cool seeing through the eyes of a super hero. There are only a few things that I think you can improve. The first one is adding animations for each line. I noticed in the first episode that when her mom comes into her room and when she goes downstairs her and her mom said several lines but did not do a lot of animations. Readers will be so much more entertained by the characters actually moving. The second thing is that the episodes are kind of short. Reader will love long stories.

Hope these tips helped.
Sincerely, Bubbles


#5

Thank you very much for your feedback! Much appreciated indeed! Grazie!


#6

No problem.


#7

Closing due to one month of inactivity :slight_smile:


#8