My first story, please help with feedback

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There are grammatical errors. Also, in the beginning I was so confused about the black and white scene. It felt like I was being bombarded with information and too may names and quotation marks. And the characters just seem to be walking in and walking out of the scene, it doesn’t feel smooth enough. You need to put more space between your dialogue.
“Uh is there any more cupcakes, wait, wait…is the pizza here yet”
instead you should say
Uh is there any more cupcakes?

wait, wait…is the pizza here yet?

Also, you use too many pans.
I watched to the end of episode 1 and I didn’t understand anything and it was too short.

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Thank you so much. I really appreciate your feedback. I will attempt to correct all these things.

This was based off my big family. I wanted to include them all. I can only have five people on stage at a time. Do you have any ideas that would work better. But, still include everyone?

The black and white filter was used to show what was actually being shown on tv in the Episode. It felt like a good idea. In this scene I wanted to introduce the main characters like on a reality show.

Thank you for your advice.

Bring them closer to the screen and have them do behaviours and say something. You don’t have to put the whole 5 at the camera at once. You could do them in twos and at the end have a shot of the whole family.
And you’re welcome. :slight_smile:

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