Go read my first story called Sugar&Spice and tell me what you think my profile name is Nae sorry having trouble with the link
Hi! I can read your story and share my thoughts about it later
I would like that thankyou
So, Nae, I’ve read your story and I can tell you have a cool idea about owning bakery and competition issues. You should develop it into the bigger story with love interest, lawyer for example
So, a bit of criticism:
I think you should put punctuation marks, especially commas. It will help readers to understand emotions of the characters, their intonation. It also gives more details.
For example; Ok! Fine! Then you stay here, but I’m going to visit her bakery!
Red eyes and green curly hair looks scary haha. Really. But after 4 chapter I changed my mind
Try to recustomize your characters.
Oh, and they laught a lot! Sometimes characters animation don’t match their dialogs. Firstly I thought everyone is crazy You made them veeery emotional.
You can add more Enoria’s thoughts to the story which gives understanding about her feelings.
I hope my opinion would be helpful and you’ll use my recommendations.
Need part of episode reviewed. (Again)
First Story! Feedback, please
My new story I'll see you soon
Hi thankyou for the feedback but I just wanted to let you know that this is a comedy😂 so I purposely made the animations off from the dialogue to make it somewhat funny but I dont think it worked