Go read my first story called Sugar&Spice and tell me what you think my profile name is Nae sorry having trouble with the link
Hi! I can read your story and share my thoughts about it later
I would like that thankyou
So, Nae, I’ve read your story and I can tell you have a cool idea about owning bakery and competition issues. You should develop it into the bigger story with love interest, lawyer for example
So, a bit of criticism:
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Dialogs.
I think you should put punctuation marks, especially commas. It will help readers to understand emotions of the characters, their intonation. It also gives more details.
For example; Ok! Fine! Then you stay here, but I’m going to visit her bakery! -
Red eyes and green curly hair looks scary haha. Really. But after 4 chapter I changed my mind
Try to recustomize your characters. -
Oh, and they laught a lot! Sometimes characters animation don’t match their dialogs. Firstly I thought everyone is crazy You made them veeery emotional.
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You can add more Enoria’s thoughts to the story which gives understanding about her feelings.
I hope my opinion would be helpful and you’ll use my recommendations.
Best wishes
More readers
Darianna
Hi thankyou for the feedback but I just wanted to let you know that this is a comedy😂 so I purposely made the animations off from the dialogue to make it somewhat funny but I dont think it worked