Runtime: 6m 32s, excluding Q&A
I have mainly listed things that could be improved, as that is what I was looking for as I read it. Don’t let that dishearten you at all. You’ve done an amazing job!
Things that could be improved:
- Grammar, mainly regarding commas and at least one case of capitalisation, in every scene. I have listed some, but not all, instances below.
- Speechbubble placement - The speechbubbles are not aligned with your characters mouths.
- Spots - Hallway scene - Generally all characters should have similar eye level, as opposed to just changing their y value
- Spots - Party scene - LUCAS and HANNAH dancing
- Layering - Party scene - KASON walks out below the couple kissing, but he should be above.
- Music - Good use of sound & music, but a couple scenes lack any music
Besides that, great work. Good use of overlays to change the characters opacities.
School Hallway
- List item
Add a comma
LUCAS
Blah, blah- Can we just get to the story, Bea?
Don’t capitalise rushing
BEATRICE
Stop rushing me, Hayes!
LUCAS
Hey! I’m not the one boring the audience like five seconds into the story.
School Classroom
MRS GIBBONS
Okay! Single file to the bus!
School Hallway
The two characters are idle for a second before one falls.
ELORA
Really, freak?
BEATRICE
Who-
LUCAS
Cause it sure does look like it.
Museum
Have you spelt Kason’s dialogue wrong on purpose? “tig” and “bitties”?
Party
Layering - KASON walks out below the couple kissing, but he should be above.
KASON
I was hoping you would say that.