My story filling a void


#1

Hello everyone :grin:,

I’m just testing the new beta forum out and I must say I love it so far. I know a few of us are here so I would like to use this opportunity to share my story.

Its called Filling a void.
It has three chapters.
And I would also appreciate feedback.
Many thanks xx :sparkling_heart:


#2

Are you open to very critique feedback, or just soft and light feedback? :thinking:


#3

Hey, thanks for replying.
Very Critique.


#4

Will be reading it now! :blush:


#5

In the first episode, you wrote “Doing more gigs does will make me noticeable.” In the scene where she’s talking to Ava, her manager. Sorry if that’s too extra. You said, very critique, so I thought you mean the grammar.

  • Your episode (especially your first episode, because it gives a good first impression) are of good-length
  • Good cliffhanger, makes readers want to read more.
  • Very good on the advanced spot-directing and zooms, along with the custom backgrounds and the cover
  • Why the cover? Because for some reason it gives a good impression on your story, especially when the cover is artistic
  • Like how choices matter (which I’m scared about because I think I made a wrong choice😂)
  • Music and sounds flow well with the story, the only music piece I didn’t think flowed was the one in the model shoot where she was talking to her agent (Ava). I think it was music_neutralbeat . That music always gives me a bad vibe, like a cliche vibe. Sorry, it’s only the music that I didn’t like, the scene was WONDERFUL! :hugs:
    Sorry if this was way too much, It’s one of those stories that is underrated and needs more reads, you deserve them. Also added the story to my favorites! :heart:

I’m waiting for more passes to read the rest of the episodes, will be right back!


#6

Alright :heartbeat: will be waiting on your review x

Amber Thompson


#7

Was finishing homework cuz I forgot about it, but now I’m done! :blush:

Sorry, for the wait. Will be reading the rest right now!


#8

Hey, Just seeing this.
Just saw the error in episode 1. Woops. Thanks for that :joy:
I’m sorry I’m not quite sure what you mean when you’re talking about the Ava scene in the second sentence. Could you make it a bit clearer.

Thank you so much for your kind words. Makes me feel so happy. I’ll be waiting for your reminding thoughts, you can take your time, no rush.

Thank you :sparkling_heart:


#9

The second sentence was just helping you know which scene I found the grammar mistake in. :grin:


#10

Closing due to one month of inactivity :slight_smile:


#11

#12