My story , this is my first story support?

mustread

#1

Alright , sorry if this doesn’t interets you but I just want more people to check my story.
It’s called : “Sing with me” ]
I will tell you some things before you decide to read it.
It is not very good I mean it’s my first story but somehow I managed to get 43 reads .
If you are bored give it a try!


#2

I’ll read it and give you my feedback


#3

What’s you Episode IG? (username)


#4

I don’t know to be honest. How do you see your username?
But the author is Ani & Abi. And it has 6 episodes.
Thanks a lot :slight_smile: :smile: :sun_with_face:


#5

Hi! I just read the first two episodes of your story and I’m here to review!

First off, there are some issues with grammar. In the beginning of your story you used “u” instead of “you” and used “lol.” I would suggest not using abbreviations like that unless the characters are texting. Also some of the punctuation was off. Another tip is don’t cut off a character mid statement and place the rest of the statement in another bubble. It’s choppy and kind of caught me off guard. Some of your dialogue is also kind of stiff, but that could be an easy fix.

Your use of animations improved throughout the story. I would suggest animating your character every time they use another bubble so it looks consistent. Also try not to use loops for main character while they’re talking. I noticed during Emma and 's conversation they were both still moving their mouths while they weren’t talking. Try using the idle animation after a character stops speaking with a loop so they stop “talking.” Also to make your story feel more alive use more animations that don’t involve talking during conversations so it looks like the characters are reacting to what the other characters are saying.

Some of the transitions you use are a bit messed up but considering it’s your first sotry I’m actually impressed. I still have trouble with transitions! Your spot directing is also pretty good.

Your characters are kind of one dimensional and I don’t feel a great connection with them yet. I know nothing about them except the blond guy ate a lot and has a crush on Emma, Erica likes Rody, and Rody is rich. The fighting just starts almost out of nowhere. I’m not sure what the story line is yet either. The title and description don’t match anything that I’ve seen so far at all. Maybe start the story with a dramatic scene and narration that happens later in the story to hook the readers in, and then do a flashback to where your story begins now.

Another thing is that people get drunk when they use alcohol, not high. People get high when they use drugs. Also I’m not sure how old these characters are supposed to be (i’m assuming college), but I think beer would be a better fit for a drink at this party.

I hope I didn’t offend you or anything during this! I think with some editing, your story could have potential and be really good! If you want any help with coding or the grammar I’d be happy to help (that is if you even want it after this review). I hope this helped. I’m sure that you can make this into an amazing story and make even better ones in the future! Best of luck!


#6

Hey night_owls,
First of all thanks a lot for making time and reading my story and then writing these awesome advices!
I agree on not using u and lol. How do you think I can improve the dialogue? Can you give me an example?
As for the animations I’m kinda lazy to learn how to make them but I also don’t have much time . And of course I know very little about animation , I tried one or two times to make something different but failed .
What is spot directing?
I think the fighting doesn’t start out of nowhere but because they disagree with each other. But the first fight between Erica and Rody looks like it started out of nowhere but it actually started because they were nervous . I guess I failed to give that impression.When I wrote the title I had not written the story yet so that’s why it doesn’t match now.I know it’s interesting to start the story with a dramatic scene and flashback but I don’t like the idea.
The beer suggestion is great, thanks , also thanks for the tips on when to use high and drunk , I didn’t know that.
I’m not good at grammar or coding so I could use a little help . I was thinking are you interesed in becoming a co-author? But I don’t know how you could help … Sorry I’m new to episode and I don’t understand how can others help. Maybe with messages? I don’t have a lot of time now but I guess I will have a lot of free time in summer.
Thanks again :smiley: :grinning::grinning::relaxed::thinking::sparkles:


#7

I would love to help out! Spot directing is basically how your characters move and stuff. I don’t know how exactly to explain how to improve your dialogue, but for example when Rody is talking to Cole, instead of having Rody say “Because she is boring and I’m inviting her only because you like her so…” have him say something like “Because she’s super boring! Parties are supposed to be fun and people like Emma will ruin that.” then in the next bubble have Rody say “If you really want her there, invite her yourself.” Also have characters talk after they’ve made their choices. If you choose for Cole to say “Alright.” Have him say “Alright, fine. I’ll text her myself.” and then have Rody react. This also allows you to shorten your choice labels so you can just write key phrases.
For example: You have two choices for your character’s reaction to something scary. She can either say “Ha! I’m not scared of some little ghosts!” or “Oh my god! Are you a ghost? WHAT’S HAPPENING!” When writing the choices labels out, just use a phrase or short description of the action or dialogue. This makes the choice bubbles look cleaner. For these choices I would have it play out like this
CHARACTER (think)
(Ghosts?! This is…)
choice
“Lame. I’m not scared!”{
insert calm reaction here
}“Terrifying! What’s happening!”{
insert scared reaction here
}
This way readers can actually see the character’s actions!
I’m also fairly busy now, but I’d love to be a co-author! You can send me a copy of your scripts for anything you want help through messages and I’ll be able to help. If you need help with small things or just want to learn tips for better writing there are lot’s of threads on the forums for that! In the directing helps and tips thread you can find threads on correcting errors and some threads on how to code things. It’s a great resource for finding some help for random questions you might have. You’ll improve with every second you spend on Episode. I can’t wait to see how your story turns out!


#8

Hello again ,
I changed some things in my story. I added some details and deleted other I found unnecessary
I also saw that I had made a lot of grammar mistakes!
So I updated it.
If you’re not lazy , check it again the whole 6 six episodes .
It still has mistakes but I’ll improve , I guess.
Please don’t read it, if you don’t feel like it. :smiley:


#9

Closing due to one month of inactivity :slight_smile:


#10

#11