Need feedback on story!

Hello! So I asked this a few times now, but I’m often doing new things to the episodes I already posted because I feel like it’s never perfect. So I’m wondering if someone could give me feedback on my story. I would like a person who can answer me honest and tell me things to improve or do better. If something is wrong with my story, then let me know. If you like, you can also give me a score between 1-10 on my story, but you don’t need to if you don’t want.

Name: Better Than Ever
Author: Miranda
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6391041504903168

If someone is interested, please let me know. I would really appreciate it. Thanks in advance!

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Also tell me if you want me to give you feedback on your story too!

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I am interested. I am adding a some dialogue into my story currently but when I finish doing that you can review mine.
My story info:
Title: Truth or Dare
Author: Danielle318
Link: I am fixing up my 1st episode so I can’t give the link yet! There is only 1 episode.

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Sure! Let me know when you’re done😀

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Ok! Will do!

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Here is my updated story link:

I will read your story in a hour or 2!

@Miranda_Episode

Giving your story a try right now!

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I can also give your story a try!

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Thanks

No problem!

Giving your story a try right now!

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Thank you! I will be right home in 5.

Wow! Ok, I love your story! I’m totally going to read this, once it’s all finished! But, I do have a few takeaways…

Speech Bubbles
So, your speech bubbles were just a little off. For example, when Kimmy was speaking, it looked like Anna was. (I hope that makes since!) Speechbubbles are a little tricky, but their more of a time consuming thing. So an example is,

Ex.

@speechbubble is 123 45 to 100% with tail_top_left

JANE (talk_agree_happy)
I love pizza!

@JANE starts laugh_giggle

@speechbubble is 678 90 to 100% with tail_top_right

SAM (talk_shrug_neutral)
Eh, it’s alright.

@speechbubble reset

NARR (JANE)
Sam, always disagrees with me.

Something like that. Make sure that you are switching the speechbubbles, each time a new character speaks. (I hope that makes sense).

Overlay
In the scene when Anna got off the phone with Rose there was a big phone overlay in the middle of the screen. I do recommend fixing that!
So an example would be,

@overlay PHONE create
@overlay PHONE opacity 1 in 0
@overlay PHONE shifts to 123 567 in 0
@overlay PHONE scales to 0.873 0.873 in 0

It would have to look something like that. The numbers in the example aren’t accurate, but your overlay coding would look something like that.

Spot Directing

So, in the opening scene when the girls play " Truth or Dare", their a little bit unbalanced. What I mean by that is, they don’t look as if their standing on the ground. If you put them a little further on the screen it would look better And I suggest, zooming in closer on the girls.

Transitions
I did notice that your character would appear after the transition. But it’s a really simple fix!
What your coding would need to look like is,

INT. BEDROOM - DAY

@ANNA stands screen left in zone 2 AND ANNA faces right

@KIMMY stands screen center in zone 2 AND KIMMY faces right

@ROSE stands screen right in zone 2 AND ROSE faces left

@transition fade in black 3

Well that’s all I have. I’m already excited for your story! Happy writing! :heart:

Key

:ballot_box_with_check: = Gonna do that when I get on my computer.

:white_check_mark: = Already done.

:x: = Sorry I won’t do that.
(I dont think I will use an X.)

I JUST fixed it! My friend pointed it out a minute ago and I fixed that.
:white_check_mark:

I did that but I was gonna move it back for Kimmy.
:white_check_mark:

I will do that!

:ballot_box_with_check:

Well that’s all I have. I’m already excited for your story! Happy writing!
Thanks! :blush:

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Ok! Great. :ok_hand:

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Please i also need a feedback on my new story
Author: Sollyra
Title: I’ll call you mine

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I can definitely give your story a try!

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Thank you so much!:heart_eyes::heart_eyes::heart:
Did you write a story so that i can read it?:heart:

No problem! I’m currently working on my stories. I’ve just recently “mastered” coding.

If you could send me a link to your story it would be highly appreciated! That way, I don’t read the wrong story. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Of course :heart:


That’s the link

Ok. Giving your story a try right now!

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