This is in no way meant to hurt or insult the writer. Just honest feedback!
I just started reading your first chapter and for a first time writer it’s not bad! Your spot directing is ok. In the beginning, when you were describing the MCs relationship with her friends, you put it in a thought bubble and descriptions like that are better suited in a narration bubble. Your spelling is good although I think I noticed 1 or 2 spelling mistakes but that’s about it. Using a voice sound everytime the characters laughed or said hey was a little bit annoying but that’s just me lol. Your panning and use of transitions were good too plus you had some little choices in there, they didn’t contribute much to the story but it’s only the first episode so that’s not really an issue for me personally. People will like that you had CC in there because I know some people get annoyed if it isn’t in there although when you got the MC to change their outfit in the beginning, if you didn’t like your outfit choice and wanted to see what the others were then Lola would pop up on the screen saying do you want to change your outfit so maybe see what you can do to fix that.
Maybe add some advanced zooms in there as you continue and that’s about it
Good luck writing!
Thank you so much for your review! I really appreciate it. I will take everything into consideration. It was really helpful. I will fix it as soon as I have time. I still don’t know how to do some things on there yet but I’ll learn. Thanks again!
I’m happy that it was helpful! If you want to learn how to do some stuff then I would recommend using the guides. If you want you could also watch tutorials, if you search up Joseph Evans on YouTube then some of his ones should come and that’s how I learned to code and now I’m actually pretty good at it! If you ever want more feedback on your story then just message me
Hi, I checked out your story and first of all congratulations on writing your first story! I think there was good implementation of sound effects however I would of liked to hear some background music. And I very much appreciated the ability to customize. It makes the story more personalized! As for the plot it’s very unclear as to what it’s about. I know the title is self explanatory, but I would at least liked to seen some plot development in the first episode. At least some indication as to what will be happening next or throughout the series. The most the characters did was wake up and arrive at school. Some thing that I liked about your spot directing was how she went off screen to change, it makes it more realistic. Although I still think your spot directing needs work. For example in the bedroom scene the mom and the best friend comes in from the right, but that’s where the bed is not the door. So it’s a bit confusing. Are they already in her room??? Also I’d like to see the characters more animated. Especially in the beginning scenes there’s some dialogue but no animation. Try adding a animation for each speech bubble not just when it changes whose talking. In summary the episode needs work, but I’m looking forward to seeing the end result!
Thank you for the review. I agree, it needs some work. Still trying to learn how to do everything but I’m getting the hang of it little by little. I will add more to the first chapter. And I’ll try to fix the directions the characters enter and exit. Thanks again! I really appreciate it!