Need reviews before I publish

It’s a nice story so far. :slight_smile:

Thanks but are you sure there are no other mistakes? Is there anything else you’d like me to change?

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Still reading through it. I’ll check in once I’m done.

alright thanks <3

When the cop says our last name is says last name instead of [LASTNAME]

OMG thank you I didn’t even notice that

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np

The girl with pink hair taking pictures, you can’t see her text if your on a iPad/tablet. It you don’t want to change things like that, just say it’s best read on a phone.

The women cop in that scene is too small.

With the gun scene maybe add the gun sound.

The fidget spinner is a little to big, it should be as big as their hands.

okay i’ll just go change those things, any other feedback?

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The same cut off speech bubble happens for the jail scene where they are talking about the bomb.

You could change the direction of the speech bubble toggle, it’s not necessary, but a nice touch.

Also, have you given your story a description?

No, I’m still thinking about what should be the description

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Okay. :blush:

So, any feedback on episode 2?

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I’ll be reading it in a sec. :slight_smile:

I would say, don’t tell your readers that your story is boring, it makes it seem like you don’t believe in or love your own work. Also watch out for speech bubble placement in the school and some other spots, they aren’t aligned with their characters. And the pace of the story seems pretty fast, like your zooms and transitions.

Also remember to remove the gun, it’s still showing after she uses it.

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Alright. I’ll be sure to change those things. Thanks for the feedback!

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No problem. Your directing is pretty good though and your plot is interesting :slight_smile: so keep up the good work :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Thanks <3


:black_heart:

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