New story please check it out

opinion

#1

Hey there, could you guys check out my friend’s story? It’s called: On the other side of the Montain.
I’d really appreciate that. Btw he’s new to the community and he’d like some constructive feedbacks.
Thanks :kissing_heart::kissing_heart::kissing_heart:


#2

Moved to Share Feedback section! :v:t2:


#3

Should I message you my review or is there a way to message the author directly?


#4

I have reviewed his story but where do you want me to post it? I could send it through fan mail or if you private message me I can send you it on there. @marisa_santos


#5

You can write the review to me and i’ll send it to him @Joe_Harvelle


#6

Hello everyone this is my first time writing a story and my laptop wasn’t working so the first couple of episodes were done on my phone but the story is great and I will be continuing it on my laptop… please continue to read it and I will read yours in return thank you :gift_heart::gift_heart:
http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6256583902625792


#7

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you but I actually cannot send you a message, I tried to do that before and it did not give me the option.


#8

@Joe_Harvelle so do it from here
I’ll send it


#9

Okay, if any of this offends him. I am sorry it was not my intention.

Honestly if I had found this story without the post on the forum I would not have thought that the writer was a new one, for a newbie writer it was brilliant. When someone gave me feedback on my first couple episodes I had made loads of mistakes. So good on you for making your first story so good.
Just a few things I would change - The table overlay looks too big on the background so it looks as though the characters are sat on the floor, if the background has a zoom on it I would suggest removing the zoom.Zooms are something that should be checked on before publishing to make sure they seem natural, and I think there are a few times when this does not work - like the teacher she seems to be mis sized- Also she sort of runs across the grass when she is late to school but she looks too big.I think there needs to be a couple scenes that are just simple conversations because it seems a bit quick, not all the scenes need to have something really interesting going on sometimes it is good to have a filler in so that the reader can process or they start to get a little lost.Also I feel like it needs a direction, I know that the idea is the main character is getting over her father’s death but it just seems like a normal life, I think the story could benefit from a plot twist or something at the beginning to hook people in and make them need to continue reading. But honestly these are little things and are easily solved, just check the zoom and spot directions carefully before publishing and be constantly trying to leave the reader with questions that they need to come back and read the rest of the story to find the answers to.
I think your friend is quite the character I mean jumping out of a helicopter at the end of the story, definitely an interesting guy.Tell him he has a good quality story for his first.


#10

@Joe_Harvelle He said he’s really happy that you took your time to read his story and he’s flattered for your compliments. When it comes to your critics, he’s working on them and improving the usage of the overlays and some things weren’t supposed to be like that.
Thanks on your review


#11

Okay, well I wish him luck.


#12

@Joe_Harvelle Hey, I heard about you did like my new story. First of all I’m so happy you did, and I just wanted to warn you that the last details are now done, feel free to check it out :smiley::sunglasses:


#13

No problem at all, I will definitely check it out when I get the chance.


#14

Closing due to inactivity :slight_smile:


#15