I made a post a few days ago, so you could give me opinions about my story description. Now I changed the description, do you think that it’s better than the original one? My story is a crime story.
Original story description: You’re a new police detective and so far, so good. Trouble is about to start for you the day you receive a mysterious package at work. Chaos awaits, but you don’t know that… yet.
NEW ONE: Your sweet days of coffee and donuts take a dark turn when you get chosen by a killer to play his (deadly) game. Will you be able to resolve the case, Detective? One thing is certain: chaos is closing in.
ÉDIT: or this one?
Your life take a dark turn when you get chosen by a killer to play his deadly game. Will you be able to resolve the case, Detective? One thing is certain: chaos is closing in.
What do you think? you can be honest
I actually like both. you know you could always start out with the old one. and change to the other later. sometimes a new cover and discription can get new readers in.
Is this about a lazy cop in a Saw scenario?
ooooh I love the 2nd one, especially the end “chaos is closing in” I like how you left it at that, and kept it simple. Sometimes less is more and it’s refreshing to see you didn’t end with a “?”
Love the second one! deadly game is waaay better imo.
What about this one? I made a few changes on your newest story description.
Your sweet days of coffee and donuts take a dark turn when you get chosen by a killer to play his game. Will you be able to solve the case, Detective? Hurry up though, chaos is closing in.
“one thing is certain” sounds more appropriate for me
Sure! It’s your story after all!
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