I made a post a few days ago, so you could give me opinions about my story description. Now I changed the description, do you think that it’s better than the original one? My story is a crime story.
Original story description: You’re a new police detective and so far, so good. Trouble is about to start for you the day you receive a mysterious package at work. Chaos awaits, but you don’t know that… yet.
NEW ONE: Your sweet days of coffee and donuts take a dark turn when you get chosen by a killer to play his (deadly) game. Will you be able to resolve the case, Detective? One thing is certain: chaos is closing in.
ÉDIT: or this one?
Your life take a dark turn when you get chosen by a killer to play his deadly game. Will you be able to resolve the case, Detective? One thing is certain: chaos is closing in.
I actually like both. you know you could always start out with the old one. and change to the other later. sometimes a new cover and discription can get new readers in.
ooooh I love the 2nd one, especially the end “chaos is closing in” I like how you left it at that, and kept it simple. Sometimes less is more and it’s refreshing to see you didn’t end with a “?”
What about this one? I made a few changes on your newest story description.
Your sweet days of coffee and donuts take a dark turn when you get chosen by a killer to play his game. Will you be able to solve the case, Detective? Hurry up though, chaos is closing in.