Opinion on my story✏️

Hey! I have published 4 episodes of my story “Under the full moon” and I would like to know your opinion about it. Maybe you have some pieces of advice, ideas for the title or anything else, please tell me

:blush: Thank you :blush:

P.S.
I have two other stories, so if you would like to check it out, please also let me know your opinion. Because the story, which in my mind is the worst, has the biggest amount of readers. Thank you :yellow_heart::purple_heart::blue_heart::orange_heart::green_heart::heart:

Moved to Share Feedback. Make sure to check out our Forum Tutorial for more info about where to correctly create topics, and feel to PM me if there are any questions. :wink:

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I can take a look.

The link is not working.

It isn’t working? Ok. I will look at it. Thank you :blue_heart::green_heart::orange_heart::heart::yellow_heart::purple_heart:

Sorry for the late reply this one works so I’ll take a look now.

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No problem. Thank you :green_heart::orange_heart::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::blush::blue_heart::yellow_heart::purple_heart::heart::kiss:

Sure thing! Do you want me to message you here or pm?

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Episode 1:

I absolutely love the backgrounds and your story line. I don’t read much books in this genre but I am hook and can wait to see how this unfolds.

Episode one to me needs a little more to hook the readers especially since there is a look of narration.

At the beginning, the fathers are appearing after the scene starts. That’s an easy fix no worries.

You need to work on your grammar and directing also the speech bubbles. I can help with that if you like. I’m in the process of writing my first story so I know how it can be.

So I was thinking for this line, you could say something like: 'they will have an unbreakable love, stronger than anything else.

Oh after they have birth, didn’t see the baby prop but I got the idea that the moms were rocking them in their arms.

For some of the description you can try something like: ‘boen with hair as white aa snow and soft as clouds. Hypnotic arctic blue eyes that will have you spellbound in a heartbeat.’

For Liam you could say something like: Honey riches skin and downy hair brown as though it was kissed by the sun. His eyes mirrors Bella’ s yet were his bright and full of light.

I recommend trying different sounds throughout the scenes and fading into the different scenes.

For the title if you want to keep the one you have you can try Fault of the Moon.

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Also when Bella and Liam meets for the first time, I think you should give them like a moment within that moment. For their eyes to meet and take in each other.

Liam needs to be facing Bella when she walks towards them so you need to have him facing right. So it looks like he is talking to her or even when they are just thinking.

Love the fact that the fathers could communicate telepathically.:grinning:

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@Mint-Episode
OMG!!! I love it all! Thank you so much! The words which you choose to describe their looks is my God incredible. I am going to add it right now. As to the baby not showing up, I know about it, but I do not know how to fix it, so, yeah, if you can help me with it, please do. And how to fix dads appearance too
Thank you so much​:green_heart::orange_heart::purple_heart::heart::yellow_heart::blue_heart::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

:grin: You are very welcome. To add the baby, when in your script on the computer, click on props on the left. You see the options to choose from. In your script, you would use e.g. @add Baby Swaddle Black Blanket to ‘here you would put the name of one of the mothers’ . You would that for both.

To ensure that the characters appear in scene when it opens, I use spot directing so on the app I would go to directing helper, then spot helper and select the character to place and resize them how I want write down the spot positions. Since you some times have more than one person opening a scene, you can write e.g. you have the background then in another line @Liam spot 224 335 222 in zone 1 AND @Liam is doing animation AND @bella spot 123 446 689 in zone 1 And Bella is doing animation.

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But the thing is that I already have that prop in the script. It doesn’t show up when we are playing

@Mint-Episode
Thank you :green_heart::blush::purple_heart::blue_heart::orange_heart::yellow_heart::heart:

Can you send me a screen shot of the script?

Sure

I’m happy to help. I live writing because there is no limit to what e can do with words to express ourselves :blush:

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Checking now.

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