Opinions about my story description!


#1

Ugh I’ve already published my story Plan B but I would like to hear some thoughts about my story description. And I have two different descriptions in my mind and I can’t decide witch one is better so please tell me your opinion. I’m lost with this and I really need some help.

First:
You have a past with prison break planning but now you’ve left that life behind. Until you meet a cocky but charming Braiden Duane, who asks your help. Will you be able to say no?

Second:
You’re a regular high school girl with not so legal past. You meet a cocky but charming Braiden Duane, and then only thing what you can think is will your past become your future?

so witch one is better? or are those even good?

Thanks already!


#2

So, I really like the first description better…but to be completely honest, the flow is a little off. Changing “with prison break planning” to “with planning prison breaks” and then add “for” before “your help” sounds a lot better.


#3

May I make a suggestion? I don’t know what your story is about so this may not be accurate, but I’m going to try using what you’ve said in your two examples as my guide.

You’ve put your life of planning prison breaks behind bars for good… or so you thought. When a cocky, charming, and mysterious man asks for your help, will you be able to resist?

You obviously don’t have to use this, but I thought I’d just throw it out there!


#4

hey, I actually like that! I’m going to make some small changes to it and use it then. thanks! :heart:


#5

No problem! :grin:


#6