Opinions Needed


#1

So, I’m writing this story, right, and it gets pretty complex. There’s probably no other way to explain it without using diagrams, but I’m gonna try my best.

So, witches: they all come from one All-Mother-Goddess named Uma, and she lives in a dimension referred to as the “Old Home” by the (present-time) main characters. Dimensions are separated by this thing called a Veil, and it keeps apart the magic and mundane, the dead and the living, the Old Home and Earth. Also plenty of other dimensions, but we can get into that later.

Anyway, things are going pretty great until this wizard Eno develops his powers in the Old Home, and he’s grown up watching humans from across the Veil. He thinks that if he can get to Earth, he can become a god, because mundane humans are so impressionable or whatever.

So he sneaks into Uma’s rooms and steals her prized possession, what makes her a goddess, the Scepter of Immortality, powered by the Jewel of Life, the Jewel of Uma. He uses its power to tear through the Veil and escape to Earth-- but as you can imagine, all of the witches in the Old Home go nuts.

They run after him, pretty much all of them (I’m talking millions and millions) and search all of the corners of the Earth. They never found him. But what they did find is that humans don’t particularly like witches. So now they’re being killed left and right, and organizations of witch hunters started to form.

Some of them tried to flee back to the Old Home, but Uma in all of her grief and despair, sewed the Veil shut by hand so that she’d never be hurt again. She’d still communicate with her kids sometimes, but eventually, sixteen years before the present storyline, she disappeared altogether.

Flash forward to the present storyline, and this girl Nicolette, who works alongside an older woman named Vitch, gets a vision. Both of them manage a safe-house organization for witches called the Black Bloods, with Vitch as the head and Nicolette as the advisor. Anyway, Nicolette finds out there’s a new witch that’s just growing into her power without knowing she’s a witch, and she’s a subject of intrigue-- remember how I said the Veil separates the living and the dead? Yeah, well this girl can summon ghosts (which literally no other witch can do) and control them. They hold her as some sort of monarch, which is bizarre considering she’s mortal and they shouldn’t even be travelling to other dimensions.

Nicolette emphasizes that they need the girl in their organization before anyone else can get to her, because surprise, surprise, a power that great tends to attract a lot of unwanted attention: some from people that want her dead, some from people that want to leech off her power.

And it’s then that we bring in the Hexes, a New York City-based organization that chooses a new “Source” every year. The Hexes have one of two reactions when confronted with a great power: they make them a Supreme, or they make them their “Source”. And if you’re a Source, it’s probably because you don’t know how to control your power yet-- which makes you easy to take advantage of.

If you’re incapable of fighting back, they strap you to a machine once a week that drains your life force just enough to keep you alive and recover it for next week, but never enough to get the leverage needed to escape. If you are capable of fighting back, but you just don’t know how, they have other means of extracting your power that aren’t so humane. Dozens of them flirt and court you at every turn, fighting for your affection until you choose one-- and when you do, they mark you against your will, so that every time you look into their eyes you become hypnotized and don’t remember anything they do to you until they leave the premises. They do not use a machine to extract your power, they do something much more terrible. And it can happen to anyone, not just female Sources.

Anyway, Nicolette wants Astrid in the organization, and Vitch does, too, led by her own motivations. So Vitch sends her niece, Rose, who also helps her run the organization, with her best friend Amintah to retrieve her (and by “retrieve” she actually means kidnap, they literally kidnap her) and bring her to the safe house.

So they do, but Rose bumps into an old acquaintance-- Ruby, one of the higher-ups in the Hexes. Unfortunately, it is revealed that Rose was marked by Ruby when she was involved with her, thereby exposing a weakness in the Black Blood organization. And yes, the Hexes are aware of Astrid’s existence; and they won’t stop until they have her either as a Source or as a Supreme.

Astrid, when informed of the situation after she wakes up, is really faced with two options: help the Black Bloods, or help herself? She is haunted by the fact that she never knew her biological mother and her adoptive mother died, not to mention the fact that she has yet to learn how to properly control her power, and there are dangerous groups after her. But can she really trust a group of people that kidnapped her “for her own safety”?

(It’s worth mentioning each character has their own little conflicts. Rose is dealing with the Mark and her auntie Vitch, who is also dealing with her own reasons for bringing in Astrid. Nicolette has internal conflict with her visions, which seem to blank after a certain period of time, and Amintah is trying to protect her family from far away, which is a distinguished lineage of wizards and witches in a conservative, hunter-infested county.)

After all of that super long-winded reading, here is where I need your opinions: is the story too complex? Do you think there will be enough openings to make the story interactive? Is the Hexes abuse situation too dark for certain audiences? (Warnings will be provided, of course, and at the end of the episode where I mentioned it I included Sexual Abuse Hotlines and Domestic Abuse Hotlines) Do you have any suggestions for the story (Astrid’s origin, which is not entirely set in stone just yet, as well as Vitch’s origin)?

I’d love to hear some opinions. And hey, if you’ve really read this far, I appreciate it. I’ve really talked my friends’ ears off lately.


#2

Firstly, wow. Just wow, there’s a lot here. And if I’m being completely honest I do think this plot is too complex - for Episode. What you have here sounds like a really brilliant novel and/or screenplay. But as great as Episode is I don’t think it’s enough to be able to do the entirety of this storyline justice and I think a lot of readers might be overwhelmed by something like this - you have a lot of young readers and the most popular genres on Episode are romance and drama. Those who would be interested in your story I think would be really interested, it’s probably more a question of how many people are up to following such a complex storyline. I also think it would be difficult to direct.

This is just my opinion! There may be others who think completely the opposite in which case I would love to read this story so let me know if you do decide to publish it!

Xx


#3

I thought so too if I’m being honest, but I also thought that adding an interactive element to it would be an interesting twist for the plot. I’m trying out new mediums for storytelling and I’m not one to shy away from a challenge! Coding might turn complex but I’d be damned if I didn’t try.

I totally understand what you’re saying though, and I’ve definitely considered writing this plot in concrete, novel form. I think that Episode is particularly effective for character building simply because you have to think a lot about their actions, motivations, and interactions; it tends to isolate character from character which can be really helpful for someone like me that tends to center characters around the protagonist, which usually leads to boring, Mary-Sue Monotone narratives.

I do definitely want to carry on developing the Episode format of the story for two main reasons: one, that the idea of presenting an idea in visual form has always appealed to me (doing it so quickly and easily on Episode is honestly amazing) and two, that I do have a strategy on how to blend together the characters’ storylines into a progressing patchwork of sorts, where some conflicts overlap in interests and motivations. I want seemingly unrelated conflicts merging into one, and to visualize it before writing it helps me organize my thoughts.

However, I’ll definitely be working on an accompaniment as I write the episodes, which will no doubt lead to turtle-paced updates (and who knows, I may publish it) so that not just the reader remains clear on the storyline, but I maintain a clear head as well.

But yeah, thank you so much for the feedback! I totally agree with you, and your response was very helpful!


#4

No problem! You seem very passionate about the idea and you seem to have an answer to all the possible problems so go for it, I think you can make it work really well!

Good luck and enjoy writing!

Xx


#5

#6

Topic closed due to one month of inactivity.