Opinions on my story plan atm? feel free to give constructive criticism/suggestions!

hey!! thanks for opening this : )
this is my first story, so i’m so sorry if it seems a bit messy but would you guys read something like this?

MC is a streamer with a secret identity online (she wears a wig and contact lenses - how original lol) and a new streamer (who also hides his identity by wearing a mask) starts playing the same game - from there, they start to have a mutual hatred towards each other

to differentiate between MC and LI irl and online, the “streamer versions” of them will be called O-MC and O-LI

after their most recent tournament, the game creators announce that one of the players had been banned for hacking and as a result, the top 10 ranking players would all have to stay in a hotel like place where their PC’s would be monitored (not too sure on this part but the MC lives in England and the LI is from another country, haven’t settled on which one which would force the two characters to be forced to live near each other - e.g it can’t be a coincidence that they both live in England and I need to add some drama on long term relationships etc… so that the puzzles fit together in future episodes)
the LI, who clearly isn’t from England, will be confused on some of the terms, e.g my initial idea was that he was from the US and as they call jam “jelly” and jelly “jello”, I could make a comedic interaction where he is freaking out in a store that England is crazy for having “weird jelly” - this is where MC has the choice to help him to give them their first impressions of each other
they meet, I’d say around a few days later at a club perhaps? both of their friends dragged them there but they would have preferred to stay at home and continue playing games - there depending on their first impressions of each other at the store, we can see how they begin to get along(maybe MC will have a nickname for LI after the jam incident?)
they become friends but as they are both private streamers, we see comedic scenes of them making up excuses on not being able to hang out with other friends, etc… and begin developing a close, loving bond
at around this time something happens - perhaps O-MC and O-LI are forced to be in a duo for part of the tournament and so they are essentially forced to become “allies” and they start forming a funny relationship(?) - as in a teasing and sarcastic relationship (maybe even some innuendos thrown into the mix)
this shows the contrasting relationship between 2 people with each other
irl they start to drift apart a bit at this point, making excuses to prepare for their tournament, perhaps irl they had an argument about something?
as a result, they start to become closer online - don’t have a rough idea on this part yet

don’t want to bore the reader to death so in need of a plot twist to ruin everything

O-MC had previously been in a fake relationship with another streamer and after the contract, she thought that they could still continue their relationship but it seems that he cared more about the fame than her so he tells her that he never loved her - flashbacks of toxic relationship perhaps? (no abuse, just her being neglected and showing how one way the relationship was, causing her to have trust issues)

because of this, although she does start to develop a close bond with LI online, she doesn’t want to take it too far

as one of the players had been caught cheating, the ranks updated and guess what… yep, antagonist is now on the leader board

maybe at this point, O-MC and O-LI had agreed to meet (in their disguises) but after this news, she doesn’t show up - cliffhanger 0.0
or… antagonist blackmails her to meet him (e.g he will reveal her true identity, who knows), and LI sees articles about their encounter

both broken, MC and LI are there for each other irl and drift away online

*haven’t worked on what happens after or how they discover their identities in the end - im thinking of one of them connecting the dots and ghosting them until one day, the other asks a friend where they are staying and then see that they’re in the same hotel/see the inside of their room and then they have the talk - again, this is still a rough draft, or maybe LI gives MC a necklace which she wears on stream?

stuff happens

as LI isn’t from England, when the tournament ends, there is questions about what they are and what will happen and i guess i’ll wait for some more inspiration to see how to end it

this is probably really messy and i will change it up a bit as i continue coding
tysm if u got this far and i would appreciate any feedback on my story so far <3

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This kind of storyline isn’t really my thing… but I thought I’d offer a little advice in regards to the way you type.
Remember to capitalise your single “I”s and the “I” in “I’m”… readers will appreciate that you actually made the effort to present the story well, instead of writing it sloppily. :blush:

Also… if you’re not from the UK or the US please do your research and ask around before trying to make comedy out of us!
A few things that really piss me off is how Americans seem to assume that we all have the same accent. The accent you hear from Brits on TV is often a strong London accent, it doesn’t apply to anyone born/living outside of London!
Another thing that annoys me is when they assume that we cannot pronounce “water”, when in reality only certain British accents pronounce the word wrong. The rest of us pronounce it as it’s meant to sound and we do it just fine.
There’s a lot more I could add to this list… but these are a few of the main ones that are often way too overused!

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Your story has some real potential in my opinion. But like you said its a bit messy which is completely fine at this point in time as its a rough draft, but I would suggest that you use a structured plot planner. That way you can organise your thoughts and ideas and also clearly see areas for improvement. I actually came across a rly good story planner last night on Evernote, [Template] Novel Plotting: 3-Act Structure. It takes the basic 3 point structure and breaks it down so its easy to understand and use !

I would also very strongly advise that you give your characters a level of depth and personality outside of gaming, their nationality or innuendos lol. Give them their own personal struggles and stories, make them relatable so your readers can connect and engage with your story even more. And I also have a link to a detailed character template lol [Template] Character Profile.

All in all, I think if you have a strong plot and well thought out characters then you should do fine :blob_hearts:

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I was writing feeling a bit lazy and my laptop doesn’t have autocorrect so I didn’t bother capitalising the “I”s but I’ll definitely have someone proof read my chapters with me in case I made any silly mistakes : )

in terms of stereotypes, I’m from England so don’t worry, there won’t be any “CHEWSDAY” or “BOTTLE OF WARTAH”- I just wanted for them to have a comedic “memorable” first interaction - maybe LI just freaking out that “jelly” here is “jello” when he just wants some strawberry jam

thank you so much for your advice :smiley:

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wow thank you so much for the help and templates! <3

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No worries ! If you ever need help with the plot or anything creative writing related you can always hmu <3 i’d be happy to help

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Aww, you’re welcome! :blush:

Also there’s a lot of things that someone from the USA would refer to by other words.
For example: We say “bin” they say “trash can”. We say “I hate queues” they say “I hate lines”. We say “trolley” they say “cart”. There’s so many differences, so to begin with… the character from the USA would probably use the words that they’re used to when describing certain stuff. [That could also create a bit of comedy between the two, during conversations.]

If you need any help with that, just drop me a message. [Unless you prefer to google, of course! :blush:]

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omg those are such great suggestions - i hadn’t thought of that!

the same way that we say bill and they say check right?

i’ll definitely contact you if i need any further help with this, thank you once again :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Thank you… and you’re welcome! :blush:

And yes, you always hear them say “check please” to the waiters in a restaurant on American shows.
But there’s another type of cheque too. Like bank cheques. But when we talk about bank cheques… we spell it “cheque” but I believe that in the USA they still spell it “check”.

Moved to Share Feedback since you’re looking for feedback on your story idea. Make sure to check out our Forum Tutorial for more info about creating topics, and feel free to PM me if you’ve got questions. :smiley:

i think the story is pretty good, kinda messy but its just a rough draft so its not bad! i kind of have a connection with the story, as i am a former streamer who met a guy through streaming who was from the uk (im from the us) and got into a relationship with him. the relationship did not end up working out, but i still do have experience with ldrs from us-uk so if you need help with the struggles, etc i gotchu!

@lolka I think the idea sounds very nice and I like the idea of long distance and what they’re willing to sacrifice to continue the relationship. Good luck with it!

I would also say, just to throw my two cents in for the nationality thing-- just as England is complex in terms of dialect and terms, so is the U.S. Potentially more so based on size alone. No need to freak out too much over terminology. All dialects are equally authentic/valid depending on where the people are from. Some people do say bin, some places say bill for check at a restaurant. Depends on region like anything else. But there’s differently a lot of room for vocabulary shenanigans. Also, Americans do know what jam is, so he wouldn’t be confused for long, but that is funny. Americans use the term jam and jelly, some people and stores distinguish between the two actually. The queue thing though—yes. And just like England, only some accents are represented in the movies/shows the U.S exports.

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