Our Hearts (first story)

Hey, so i started writing my first story about three weeks ago and I got five chapters done with dialogue. But I got rid of it all but I hated it. It felt forced if that makes any sense.


The girl is in Highschool where she has a group of friends and she’s a cheerleader. But she is also a part of a very wealthy family and the father travels all the time for money and the mother is all about seeing new places. Now she is a senior in Highschool and when her parents leave they leave for a month. So she needs to take care of two seven year olds and one eleven year old.

Hang with me here…

Her father forced her into a relationship with a man who’s father is extremely wealthy and he wants them to get married because he will get a large sum of money. But the guy she’s dating is abusive. So the love interest in the future is her somewhat friend now.

But that’s all I got.

I think i want them to eventually end Highschool and then they don’t realize they go to the same college. And In the near future I want them to end it with having a family.

But does anyone have ideas!!??

I’m desperate, help! :slightly_smiling_face:

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I would enjoy giving it a full review, but just an fyi, I find when something feels forced it’s because of pacing or lack of climax. Remember to try and add details that you might not notice as you’re writing it but a reader would notice. Also, I think by the way you’re describing the story line here that you’re really not sure where you want to take this story and that can be a problem. Take some time to think about real life situations and problems that your characters would run into that would create more conflict in the story. I know it sounds strange but it will help propel it forward and it might even help you solidify how you want to proceed and eventually where you want to end.

Another thing you might try is getting more in depth with your characters. What are their traits? What are their backstories? How does that effect them? What is their motivation behind certain actions they take? Be sure to explain this to the reader.

I actually found some things on Pinterest that you feel out about your characters so I think that could work.

And honestly I have no clue how I want it to go and I think I was in such a rush that I didn’t try hard.

Do you think it would help to plan the biggest moments of the story and then slowly turn those into chapters?

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I think if you had the biggest moment planned out you could sort of piece your way to it. You have the exposition, so after you figure out figure out how you want that big moment to play out, then it would be getting from point a to point b.

Just remember, you don’t have to put everything about her parents leaving and her arranged dating in the first episode if it doesn’t work. Take your time. Remember that the reader doesn’t know these characters as you do, so you need to flesh them out for them.

As a side note, certain things need more time spent on them than others. Like, I seriously don’t need to know the properties of covalent bonds but I am kinda interested in what went down in the cafeteria. Now that doesn’t mean skip over class completely just don’t get THAT into it. You get what I mean?

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Yeah I get it. Thanks this really helped a lot!

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I’m glad. Good luck! And feel free to PM me if you want me to read over what you have.

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Thank you!! :slightly_smiling_face:

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