PITCH IT : Obscure (Fantasy)

Hey I’m thinking of revamping a story of mine. (well, I’m going to revamp is no matter what.) The title also have to stay the same because of cover reasons. I’d like to know what you think, and if it’s similar to anything. I’ve been told it’s similar to Avatar: Last Air Bender

Summary : The solitary life you have been living by to is lost to a darker power than your own. RPG / P-Gender / P-Sexuality. Unfortunately stopping it means you work with society.

Backstory : You (pick gender) are part of the chosen few, which means you have (had) every element power. However, as it will be learned later on that most of the chosen few (I’m thinking of calling them Obscurists) aren’t around anymore. The MC lives a very isolated life battling enemies in ‘rouge’ territory. The MC doesn’t live in any of the 12 territories because 1) they are a Obscurist which have been not necessarily banned from the 12 societies, more of their ‘kind’ is hated. 2) The MC is a bit of an large ego. They spent most of their life on their own, dealing with criminals. The MC doesn’t want to talk to the societies. (They have issues as well)

Rising Action : In the first episode, the MC is battling their greatest enemy. The MC is defeated. The greatest enemy takes them into a castle- where the antagonist splits them from their power from them creating 12 or so monsters with their powers. (I’m planning to have each represent an emotion?) However, last minute the MC breaks out- and is teleported away (by their only ally), saving at least one of their powers. (User will get to pick which one out of 12 they are keeping). Now to regain their powers, they need to train with a master from each element.

Fun Stuff : (don’t question if this is even possible, because it is). Each episode or so after the MC gains a teacher, the reader gets to pick whom they train with. For example, if they pick to train with their Fire Teacher, they gain a new fire spell. I’m thinking at capping the max-spells at like 6. So after 6 episodes, they now know 6 spells of the fire element. Or the reader can do one element at a time, after all level 1 spells are learned, then move on to two. It will be fun, and not that much more coding.

Goals : I’d like each society to have some connections to ancient / current societies now and their cultures. I’m not going to completely copy earth-cultures because I don’t want to put hours into research for maybe three episodes and it’s way more fun to create my own norms and societies.

What I need you for : Is there anything that is confusing, is there any questions you have? Is there anything I could change to make this more unique?


This bit confused me, can you explain this a little more?

This part sounds super cool… Yes, does sound a bit similar to Avatar: Last Air Bender, but you’ve obviously got a different backstory and are planning to represent emotions rather than elements.

This also sounds really interesting. I think you could really do a lot with this, especially if you also go ahead and have each represent an emotion too. You could work the emotions into each society.

What style will it be in?

Maybe the summary? Even though episode gives us next to nothing in terms of characters, it sounds a bit generic compared to your more detailed explanation on this thread.

Thank you so much for replying

explain a bit more -> I’m pretty bad at describing but it’s like the antagonist extracts the power from the MC, and uses it to create monster / evil creatures / followers. (one for each element).

super cool -> :blush::blush::blush: thank you.

emotion in each society -> omg I love this idea.

questions you have -> The original is in INK… but I’m thinking of changing it into limelight for clothes and facial features.

summary -> Yeah, I’m not in love with the summary either. I may have made it up on the spot. I don’t know if I can explain the story in two sentences. x-x

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Aha, I was imagining it in limelight… But since you said it’s a revamp, doesn’t that mean you’d have to keep the same style?

And your explaining a bit more, makes sense and now I think that part is also super cool :slightly_smiling_face:

Summary limits are the worst. End of story.

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I know this super late, but here’s update of what I did (also bump)

The original was a superhero story, and I don’t really want to write a superhero story anymore. So I’m kinda taking all the notes I had, and revamping it, with common characters. So kinda revamp? I did decide to move it over to Limelight.

And for the summary— (hahaha)

With a max of 180 characters, it’s impossible to illustrate the complexity and uniqueness of this RPG. Not daring? Save your pass. Adventurous? Prepare to be shook.

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OMG That summary! It’s… It’s perfect :blush:

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