Pitch it to Me! (sadly, a V3.0)


#1

Hey guys!

For starters, for those of you who don’t know me- hi! I’m Orona, a budding filmmaker and lawyer in the making. In the past I’ve taught drama and film in high school, and I am very passionate about literature. I was once very active on the forums but took a break from it- and now I’m back! And… I’m here to help you with your pitches! All genres are welcomed here on this thread!

I used to have a thread here on the forums for reviewing pitches and stories, however one of them got closed (I have no idea why… maybe cause it was inactive? Welp, I’m sorry guys. I had exams at the time and felt the need to take a break from reviews). Hence, I decided to start a new one! Sadly though, I won’t be doing story reviews, because mine are excessively detailed and I am in university now and I used to to do those reviews during my IB days, therefore, I have no time for them. But I can still help out with pitches.

Before we get to it, there are some ground rules/information which needs to be laid down (after I’m done with my exams I shall add some more):

  1. Make sure your pitch is more than at least 8-9 sentences long. I am asking for a detailed pitch, and not a one-liner where you ask me to tell you whether it interested me or not. I want to know your idea, give my opinion, and help you develop it if you need the help.

  2. I am an extremely nice person (well, I think so at least), so don’t worry! I will, absolutely not, tear down your pitches if I feel they aren’t good enough. I know how it feels to be criticized, and while I can assure you that I will not act rude or condescending when giving you my opinion, I have to be able to tell you the truth regarding what I feel about the pitch. So don’t, in any way, feel like I am trying to offend you. That is not my intention at all. I just want to help you guys to create stories that come across as intriguing to your audience through small tweaks here and there (that is, if they need any).

3)If you’ve understood the rules, when applying for a review make sure you write the password, which is: Bughead.

Please use this form:

Password:
Tentative Story Name: _______/(N/A if you don’t have one yet)
Story pitch:

I will rate stories based on these criteria/aspects:

E- Engagement ( out of 10)

Measures the depth of engagement derived from just the story’s pitch. This is important as pitches are the outline of the story- without this being engaging, a story in its full written form would not be intriguing either.

C- Clarity (out of 10)

Clarity refers to the lucidity of the pitch/idea/storyline. This is imperative for a successful story as there must be some sort of coherence, in regards to the story flow.

P- Plot (out of 10)

Refers to the plot of the story, and the overall level of development it achieves.

T- Thematic ideas (out of 10)

Looks into the themes presented in the potential story’s pitches, and the degree of intricacy and meaning it would provide readers with.

General Comments/other

Just any other general comments I have regarding the story’s pitch.

Questions

I may ask you questions to get a better idea of the story, perhaps more than one or two if I sense any holes/the pitch scores a low Clarity level.

Therefore, it’ll be out of 40.

Looking forward to some awesome story ideas! An example of a previous review can be found in the post below. :blush:

Also, I will be reviewing the pitches from the old forum, here.

-Orona


#2

The Pitch:
Story pitch: Emma is dealing with the demons of her past that have scarred her soul. Still, she’s a hopeless romantic, believing that there’s someone out there who she’s meant to be. After she developed a crush on her high school best friend, she goes for it and got friend zoned. The embarrassment and sadness makes her embrace some of her demons. She starts to make rebellious changes that almost made her lose everything, but with help of her family and best friends she’ll find the way to get in the right track.

After a long time and without looking for it, she finds someone, someone who makes her feel pretty and embrace her weirdness, but, what would happen when her long time high school crush comes back in the picture and she starts to notice his attentions and flirts. What are his true intentions? Will Emma’s skeletons let her to be fully happy or her insecurities will ruin everything that she wanted? In which way should Emma go?

Hi! This is my first attempt to do an Episode Story, but I’m very excited, I really would love if you can tell me your thoughts on the general idea for this story.

My Review:
Firstly, I’m assuming you meant “that there’s someone out there who she’s meant to be” with? Think you missed the “with” part, but that’s alright.

Engagement (5/10)

Looking at this pitch, I sense that it is leaning towards stories on Episode that have already been published and have established a reputation (e.g. Blake, and there’s another story I cannot seem to remember), and it seems that this story may lose the engagement with the readers UNLESS you are able to effortlessly execute the story, giving importance to these “demons” and “skeletons” you have mentioned. In that sense, it can be classified as unique and not cliché like such stories that talk about such secrets, insecurities issues etc with no depth and a completely shallow take on real life issues.

Clarity (6/10)

Most of the pitch is clear to me, but the only element of your story that is a bit vague is the “demons of the past” and “skeletons” part. While you may want to keep it confidential, it may help to tell me (maybe via PM) what these are pertaining to… what issues in the protagonist’s life exactly. If you don’t want to spill it, it’s completely fine, but just understand that the nature of the issues is what will determine the success of your story (I don’t mean reads in particular, but it’s more about standing out from the other stories- it’s always best to look for new angles OR do justice to an angle which has been used before).

Plot (5/10)

As I’ve already mentioned, with more development, you can strengthen the plot. Right now it is at it’s first stage- give more thought to your characters and carve a developed niche. Perhaps this high school crush has an ulterior motive of his own, if anything? Perhaps due to Emma’s issues in the past, she has developed an illness/change in behavior/change in how she perceives the world and this is significant to the story in some way? Just some food for thought.

Thematic Ideas (5/10)

As I’m still a bit unclear on where this story is leaning towards in terms of themes, it would be difficult to say. But I’m guessing self development? Self discovery? Perseverance? Morality in general? Again, you may need to examine your plot and dig deeper in order to perfect it.

General Comments/other

None.

Questions

I’ve already indicated them within the criteria explanations.

In total, 25/40!

Let me know if you have any questions.

  • Orona

#3

Password: Bughead

Tentative Story Name: The Most Powerful Scream

Story pitch: Tally has been mute for over eight years because of a childhood trauma. She realizes she’ll never be happy if she doesn’t find her voice again. She needs to put the past behind her if she wants to be happy. When she starts speaking, she gains the attention of the whole school. She goes from the isolated mute to the talk of the school in less than a week, and befriends the one and only person she hates, Alexander Crawford. Tally discovers that she’s missed out on a lot because of being mute, as she slowly changes into a completely different person. While on her journey to put the past behind her she is faced with many difficult choices that shape who she’s becoming. Somehow, she also gets stuck between her best friend, and her crush. She encounters trauma, death, love, and failure as she tries to find who she’d be if the trauma (her childhood trauma) never happened. Yet finally, she realizes that she looks past other’s flaws, but focuses on her own. It has been holding her down for years, and she’s ready to break free.


#4

Accepted! I’m a bit busy this week, expect it to be done in the weekend.


#5

No problem!


#6

**Hey, can you please read my story? **

Title: Romantic Cruise
Author: Lawful Evil
Style: Ink
Genre: Romance, Drama
Episodes: 4 [Completed] 2 endings
Description: You break up with your cheating boyfriend and go on a cruise. What will happen if you meet a mysterious dangerous man? Customize Characters
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4697971707478016

Please leave me some feedback :slight_smile:


#7

Hi, Orona!

Thank you very much for creating this thread, this is very kind of you! Constructive criticism is exactly what I am looking for!

Password: Bughead
Story pitch: This story is about a young ambitious journalist hunting down a powerful tycoon who has made a fortune based on lies. Read this story if you value a story where CHOICES REALLY MATTER. Read this story if you value a story with several mini-games. After all, read this story if you want a twisted plot that will keep you hooked till the very end which I bet you wouldn’t see coming. This is a story about heroes and villains where you decide who yourself want to be: a hero or a villain. However, will others see you in the same light?
Name of story: H & V: Fate (I am attaching the cover as there is another story with the same title)


#8

Closing due to one month of inactivity :slight_smile:


#9